The Other Shoe Dropped...

Over the past 14 months I've been living with the anticipation of the "other shoe dropping".  Ever since the deer stand altercation that my husband and son walked away from...eventually, I've been waiting for something else to happen.  So Trevor's never-ending sinus infection leads to cancer, my daddy dies, my grandfather dies, my husband goes through 7 weeks of chemo and radiation and I continue to anticipate, what I don't know.

Even as I pray for strength, complete healing of my husband, my children and their emotional stability with  my germ quirks I feel that if I'm prepared for the worst it won't happen.  I don't want to imagine the worst but if I'm emotionally prepared, it'll "never" happen.  So in our neck of the woods, the flu, strep throat and stomach bug have been running ramped in our school and church.  School was called last week on Tuesday for a flu epidemic, instead of using snow days for snow, days were used for recuperation of viruses.  When I heard that these illnesses had invaded our school, I started germ-Xing my kids as well as the babies that carpool with us.  I started making my babies strip down in the garage and get in the shower then they could go outside and play and shower again after supper.  Dry skin never killed anybody and build character!

We had our flu vaccinations and I'm not really concerned that me or my babies will get the flu, but I just can't handle the idea of bringing those nasty bugs home to infect my man.  If I can control it, I will.  But when he went to Wal-Mart I realized I can try to control what the babies and I bring in but I can't control what he picks up on his own.  I've tried to relax with the germ-X and showers but I still don't want to expose Trevor...that would be the other shoe dropping.  If I could have prevented him from having to battle anything else and I didn't and he got sick I don't know that I would have handled it with a smile on my face.

On Tuesday, after we had gone back to school on Monday after being out 3 days last week I get a phone call from school.  When I see Trinity Christian Academy on my caller id, my stomach clinches up.  My friend is a professional sub at our school, as well as being a room mom, and very involved in our PAWS organization, so when it's her voice I hear I'm almost relieved until she says "Eli got hurt on the playground..."  She proceeds to tell me how he was playing and dove into the monkey bars.  The school nurse checked him out and he seems fine but he feels "queasy".  I begin to pray as I frantically, but in a calm fashion, drive to school praying that Eli is okay.  I pray that he doesn't have a concussion, that he doesn't have the flu or stomach bug, that he doesn't have a head/neck injury.  I pray that he is okay, but that this is the other shoe dropping, lightly.

I pick him up with a goose-egg on his head.  He feels fine and starts telling me the whole story.  He was playing tag and dove between the monkey bars to tag a little girl.  Instead of diving between, he dove into head first.  He said when he finally got up his eyes were "sparkly".  It wasn't until after recess when he was sitting in Math class that his stomach started feeling "queasy".  I got him home and showered.  He got all his homework done and got caught up on the History channels show "Finding Bigfoot".  He questions the reasoning behind Santa (there is a Santa) and can defend all the crazies that are hunting Big Foot (there is no such thing as Big Foot).  He's fine.  I'm thinking that probably isn't the other shoe dropping, we still have to make it to Thursday (today).

Tuesday Trevor had a CAT scan with contrast as his chemo doctor ordered before we see him for his post chemo check-up.  Last night we were discussing things we wanted to talk to his doctors about at his follow-up appointments.  I told him I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I was anxious about these appointments.  If I am emotionally prepared for not good news, not necessarily bad news, but maybe news that might involve another obstacle for us to cross before this cancer incident is over.  I told him that I felt overwhelmed with more information being given to us about maintenance chemo but any other information that may be delivered to us.  I was exhausted when I went to bed because of the needless worry.

So today when I get up earlier than usual and run behind as if I got up really late, I had a yucky headache.  Today was the Christmas program for the elementary at TCA and Trevor and I went before the doctors appointments started.  Trevor's first appointment was with his chemo doctor who had the results from his CAT scan.  This is the other shoe dropping...all of his scans and blood work come back CANCER FREE!!!!!  The doctor proceeds to tell us that this is step one in declaring Trevor in remission.  To continue on this healing path, maintenance chemo is strongly recommended.  December 28 we will meet again with this doctor to set up maintenance to begin in the new year.  Talk about New Year's Resolutions:  To give it ALL to God, it's easier on the nerves!

The next appointment is with the radiation oncologist.  He evaluates Trevor's nasal-pharynx and also sees no signs of cancer!  Now Trevor is working on getting his mouth healed so that he can ingest anything but water without gagging or a burning sensation.  He still has the feeding tube and has to eat every 3 hours, kinda like a newborn.  Tomorrow night is his PT department's Christmas party with lots of great food that I'm going to love while Trevor sits and watches us all eat, drink and be merry.  We will stay for 3 hours and come home so he can get some nutrition of his own.  I am so excited about going out with my man.

The kids and I were talking today after car pool about how the past 4 months have flown by but have felt endless.  We discussed how everything has worked out with their dad from him being so sick to now not having cancer.  Eli commented on how God has blessed his dad with healing, how God has worked through each one of us, my son is so wise.  I learn from him daily.  My children and their wisdom is the other shoe that dropped today as we all rejoiced in the healing of Trevor!

Thank you for all of your prayers, we have been blessed.

Psalms 84:11  "For the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord give grace and glory;  He does not withhold the good from those who live with integrity."

I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks

I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks: My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter.  I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember.  Thanksgiving has a ten...

A Season of Thanks

My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter.  I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember.  Thanksgiving has a tendency to be overlooked because people are busy shuffling from place to place to eat so that they can hurry up, psych themselves up/out to shop on black Friday...crazy, I tell ya!  When I was a youngster, we would have Thanksgiving at my aunt's house in Savannah or at my grandmother's.  I remember Thanksgivings in Savannah because my aunt's house was HUGE! It was, maybe still is, on the historic tour of homes.  It is a very old house (1800's old) and has so many bedrooms, closet/rooms, parlors and porches and only 2 bathrooms!  My Aunt Shirley made homemade fresh coconut cake every year and it sat on the back porch where it was cool.  My Aunt Lenvil made corn bread dressing and oyster dressing, turkey and the trimmings.  My mom made sweet potato casserole with large marshmallows.  There was always the nasty green bean casserole, asparagus casserole, Waldorf salad, pistachio salad, corn souffle, cranberry sauce, pecan pies, pumpkin pies, chocolate pies...there was tons of food.

The day after Thanksgiving, if my aunt and uncle stayed with my grandmother, we would start making candy for Christmas.  LOTS of chocolate involved!  It's all different now as I'm a parent and have Trevor's family.  We still have Thanksgiving lunch with my family and this year we gave Thanks with my mom's only living sister and my cousin here in Jackson and my cousin we only see at Thanksgiving or at the funeral home.  Lucky us, we got to see him twice this year!  It was a feast to rival the Thanksgiving dinners of our childhood.  For supper we go to Trevor's family and eat after all the guys come in from deer hunting.  I love and appreciate the traditions that were formed when I was a child but I love the traditions that Trevor and I have started with our babies that they can continue when they are momma's and daddy's.

This Thanksgiving we all ate, Trevor had his formula through his feeding tube, until we were stuffed at lunch and dinner.  As I was driving the hour and a half to Big Sandy from Jackson, I heard a statistic stating the average adult gains 3 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's.  3?! That's it?!  I said that I wouldn't be one of those statistics, so far so good, no pounds gained.  It's not really a feat at this point though.  I really don't enjoy eating by myself and Trevor hasn't gotten to where he likes anything yet so he isn't taking anything in through his mouth.  He says that broths or soups tastes like cardboard.  Noodles from chicken noodle soup are "rubbery".  Or the blandest of foods burn his mouth.

We were watching television and a Taco Bell commercial came on and he said that he thought, whatever the commercial was for, sounded "really good".  I guess that's a start when food commercials sound good.  He has taken to watching Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" to the point that he's seen reruns 2-3 times.  He's also taken to watching that show on the travel channel about the guy that eats an exorbitant amount of food for something dumb like a t-shirt that should say "I LOVE to be miserably full", or "I Have Great Insurance and Am Trying To Have A Heart Attack!"  He's an idiot...but he's a full idiot all the way to the bank!

Anyway, I enjoy Thanksgiving and this year was no different.  I didn't eat like a glutton because who wants to eat in front of their spouse who can't take in anything through their mouth?  If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you saw lots of people posting everyday about what they are thankful for.  I am thankful for so much, I almost sound redundant saying anything.  I'm so thankful for the gift of salvation and that I live in a country where I can share my salvation and not be persecuted or put to death.  Our country is so blessed to have men and women that have fought and still fight for our freedom, our freedom to share our religious beliefs in public.  Although, this freedom of church and state is being challenged and is being taken out of our schools and public places where God's word NEEDS to be shared and where the public NEEDS to be prayed for and over.

I am thankful for my babies and their souls.  I'm thankful that TCA's elementary performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes" is over.  It was fun while it lasted and Eli will be better prepared for next fall's performing arts production.  I'm ever thankful for Christ's birth, death and resurrection for me and my babies and my man.  I pray and thank God and continue to ask him to heal Trevor, completely.  I pray that He would be glorified through this cancer situation.  And many days if you've heard me on a rant, I get so frustrated because Trevor's healing can't come soon enough, I'm robbing myself of being blessed.  But let me tell ya, I'm so tired of my man being bored out of his mind.  I'm tired of him not liking the taste of anything and not eating.  I'm tired of him being tired.  I'm tired...

I'm thankful for the gift of Christian friendships for my babies at school and at church.  My babies have been blessed with friends whose families have taken the time to teach them to pray.  Families that encourage their own babies to pray for the strength of my children, the health of my man and the stability of our relationships.  I praise God for Christian administrators, teachers and staff that have prayed for and with my children at school.  I better stop or I'm liable to get political because my kids CAN be prayed for at any given time during the school day with a teacher or friend or as a teacher has told me, in the middle of class!  Who-da thought "Religious Freedom" in a free nation..."One Nation Under God..."

As I catch myself going on a tear (tare), I'm thankful that Trevor's voice is back, that's always nice.  It's hard to communicate/argue with someone that can't talk, won't text or write a note, he just kept quiet.  For someone that is vocal and likes to be validated/or argued with, that was hard for me to not hear his voice.  I'm thankful he doesn't have to get up 2-3 times an hour to spit, or wake up with his pillow wringing wet from drooling in the night.   Now his mouth is as dry as it was salivating.  The doctors told us that would happen, both are responses to the radiation.  I'm thankful that Trevor is regaining his strength, although he has a tendency to overdo.  He and Eli deer hunted Thanksgiving weekend, then duck hunted and when he got home he was wiped out.  He has been trying to do more around the house because he's bored out of his mind, (he refuses to read or do a puzzle or take up a hobby like knitting).  He will go until he can't go anymore and have to nap for a few hours.

Trevor's follow up appointments are next Thursday, (12/13).  He will have another PET scan with contrast before he sees the chemo oncologist then the radiation oncologist. The PET scan will reveal if there is anymore cancer in his body and where.  The chemo oncologist will prepare him for the maintenance chemo that will get rid of any cancer that happens to be leftover.  From what we've been told during this protocol, Trevor will lose his hair.  The hair that he's already lost has already started coming back in WHITE!   He's also hoping to get more info on a timeline on returning to work.

I'm thankful for people like ya'll that read what I have to write and feel the need to pray.  Your prayers have blessed us in ways that can only be attributed to God.  I'm thankful for those of you that have nothing else to do but be nosey and find yourself reading this because whether you realize it or not God must have something He wants you to hear and He thinks you may get it from me...that's rich stuff!

20 Questions...(probably more)

Okay some of you have played this game for me or with me depending on who you are and how far we were going. I've even made 20 questions for a couple of my friends when they go on road trips. I think it's fun, Trevor hates it, but I think it's important to see where you are in your relationship, if in fact you really do share the same thoughts. The following are questions that I wrote out several weeks ago for my man to read over and I had presumed he would actually answer them. Well we've probably all heard where presuming will land you...So while you are traveling with or without your family and especially your spouse for more than 15 minutes take a few minutes to LISTEN not just with your ears but your heart. Keep in mind listening and applying are 2 total different things. #1 rule of 20 Questions: There is no wrong answer! I say this directly to myself because when Trevor answers something in a way I don't agree with (tone included) I get all defensive and it takes the fun out of the whole experience. 1. How has this experience (my blog or Trevor's cancer or any trial you've experienced lately) changed you? My answer: I am capable of doing so much more. 2. 4 Things You Want to Accomplish before age 75. My Answer: I would like to read the Bible through prayerfully and not just words on the page. I would like to sky dive. I would like to be a HOT BOD on a healthy level again. I would like to go 1 year without a carbonated beverage. 3. 1 person dead or alive you would like to spend the day with. Audrey Hephburn. 4. If you weren't whatever you are now (occupation) what would you be/do: If I wasn't a mom, I would be lost as a goose in a hail storm. 5. Name one book you've read that you enjoyed: I enjoy most books I read. The last book I read that I would NOT recommend is Girl Gone. (I know this should be underlined, but refer to previous posts where I've hit a button on my lap top and changed the lay out of the blog. That's why everything is a run-on thought...sorry) 6. Is there anything you would change about yourself? Why? I would try to be "seen and not heard" as much. I've been told that I'm very abrasive and I truly don't mean to be, sometimes (a lot of times) my words/emotions jump out before I have a chance to think the whole thought through. 7. What would your next vehicle be? I would get the same just newer Nissan Quest! I love my minivan. 8. What do you look forward to? I look forward to my man being completely healed and our life getting back to being cancer free! 9. What is your favorite daytime TV show? I like watching re-runs of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Orange County. If that isn't on, I enjoy watching Income Property or Property Brothers on HGTV. 10. What is one thing you look forward to eating? This close to Thanksgiving, I'm looking forward to eating cornbread dressing with Turkey and cranberry sauce. Otherwise, I LOVE a good, juicy cheeseburger with ketchup 3 warm thin sliced dill pickles and thin slice purple onion... 11. Top 3 ALL-TIME favorite movies: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holiday Inn and Love Actually 12. 4 Things You Want for Christmas: a locket and chain to put my babies and man in to wear around my neck, a yellow Casio digital watch, brown boots and a personal trainer. 13. One language, besides English, you would like to know (not necessarily learn but know): High-school French didn't really pay off, but after visiting the Dominican Republic, I wish I knew Spanish. 14. 3 Things you like about your city. 3 Things that would make your city better: I like the small town feel. I like being right off of I-40 and central to anything in West Tennessee. I like seeing people from my past that are surprised that I live in Jackson. Changes: A recycling program that correlated with garbage pick-up. Not so much trash and litter in our city and county. Vann Dr interchange designed for a growing city with lots of traffic not designed for 4 cars to go through interchange...IT'S JACKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you know if you've ever gone to Chile's or Wal-Mart! 15. 1 Thing you like about yourself: I like that I'm willing to try anything once. 16. 1 Thing you like about me: Depends on who you are, but I appreciate that ya'll have read this and have prayed with and for me, my babies and my man and our family. 17. Your favorite Color: mine depends on my mood 18. The grade/teacher that impacted you most: Mary Lou Snowden, 5th grade. She made me realize I had to get an education, my life would be way more successful if I really applied myself and tried. 19. All-Time Favorite Song: Chicago 17, You're The Inspiration and #20. Was FRIENDS not the best show on NBC's "must see TV"? YES IT WAS!!! and it's great on Nic@nite.. My blessing for you is from Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace." Safe traveling and Happy Thanksgiving! p.s. and if anyone knows how to unjack up my computer so that it isn't a run-on, please advise...please!

Quickly...but more to come later

AS I write quickly because I wanna try to catch you up on a synopsis basis because Trevor and I are going to watch the new Duck Dynasty and I don't wanna have to rewind or DVR... Trevor finished his chemo/radiation 10/26...his radiation burns around his neck are getting better. His new skin underneath the burned looks really good. He only has to shave maybe a couple times a week. I've tried that and it isn't comfortable unless I sleep in leggins and I get too hot to do that but I HATE to shave while it's cold. Those of you waiting for snow, this is the time of year I wanna be on a beach getting my Vitamin D! Anyway, Trevor was losing bits of hair around his neck line so his nephew went ahead and buzzed his head back to his summer "do". So if you know my man, his summer hair is buzzed with a #1 or #2 guard. So it's really short and the white hairs show a lot more the shorter it is! 15 years of me and my 40 year old man is white haired...SEXY, I tell ya! Moving on...the Physical Rehabilitation Department at JMCGH did a GREAT job doing the Run Hard/Fight Harder 5k 1 mile Fun Run. I can't give enough praise and thanks to the volunteers and sponsors that made this event so successful. Over 277 people pre-registered and then on race day, I don't know how many more. It was so good to see old friends and making new ones. My husband is a well respected man in his profession and a loved man by many. Our family has been so blessed with a Godly family, with encouraging and Godly friends and especially encouraging and Godly co-workers in all of our work places. Be thinking about what you have learned through my family's cancer experience. I'll share what I have learned over the past 16 weeks. Psalms 34:17 "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them from out of all their troubles"

A Legacy

Exodus 20:12 "Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long on the land that the Lord thy God give thee." My cousin and I discussed this verse Thursday as she was the 5th person in 15 minutes to call me and let me know that my 93 year old grandfather had passed away. He lived a long happy life. She said he had to have been a good kid, he raised his kids (our parents) to honor their parents and he was blessed by his obedience. He died with family around, he died with babies around. That's how he lived, kids everywhere! If you have seen any of my cousins or aunts or uncle we all have swollen punkin faces with slits for eyes. And everyone that wears contacts probably had glasses on today. Makes it easier to wipe the tears that happen to start flowing at most in opportune times. I was talking to my cousin's son on our way back to Jackson last night and we were laughing about how many of us there are, kids, grand kids, great grand kids and even great-great grand kids...we are part of what could be known as a southern mafia family. We are not a financially wealthy family as a whole but when something affects one of us, it affects us all on a certain level. Carl Harchfield had 7 kids, he is survived by 3 daughters and 1 son. This is the man that my daddy lived with over the past 10 years. The man that would not let us put daddy into an assisted living facility 10 years ago because he said, as long as he was alive, "he would take care of the boy". My cousin skyped from China and he reminded us of several things that we could laugh about, things that formed us as we grew up. How do you know when a watermelon is ready to pick? Thump it...before picking it. Eating popcorn on newspaper. Tina the black poodle that was Daddy Carl's lap dog. We used to walk through the cemetery to go fish. I remember walking to the pond to fish and walking by his tombstone. As a child I was confused about why he and Mom Opal already had headstones in the cemetery but weren't dead. They paid for it as they had the money. I can remember riding home from church with him and Mom Opal from church with as many kids in the car that would fit. I remember learning the books of the Bible when I became a new Christian and I had to say them to him. I didn't know him as a boy growing up on Island 35, I didn't know him as a young married man or a young father or a young Christian. I knew him as my grandfather, as a Godly man, as a man the was a quiet man, but when something amused him, you couldn't understand him while he tried to tell you because he would get so tickled. I remember my grandmother doing most of the talking and him just sitting there. But when he did speak, it was something that needed to be heard. Mom Opal died 13 years ago. When she died, he told my cousin that this is the way it's supposed to be. He didn't want her to have to live with the pain he was going to have to live with living without her. He said he loved her more everyday, he loved her more the day she died than he did the day they married. I told Trevor, that's what I wanted, I wanted that marriage. Obviously times have changed, but the institution of marriage hasn't and I find myself wanting THAT marriage more. The harder I work to have that marriage, I realize the more I love my man and the harder I work. This cancer incident has proven to me marriage is work, but anything worth having is worth working hard for. I know that God has prepared me for this moment in my life, in my marriage. Daddy Carl was a sharecropper. He was a veteran and the father of 7. He believed he was the wealthiest man he knew...and he was. Not on a monetary scale, but he was a man loved by many. He loved over 60 grand kids and prayed for everyone of us. He was a man that showed Christ's love to every person that walked in the door of Beaver Baptist Church. If the door was open, he was there, in his pew. Before the church grew, when there were only 2 sides of the aisle, he and Mom Opal sat in the 5th pew back and the rest of the Harchfield's filled up the pews in front and back of his pew. On the other side of the church sat my other grandmother in the 2nd pew and everyone else in the church. He loved the church. He loved the body of Christ. He loved the man in the pulpit. He may not have always agreed with him, but he prayed for him. Every preacher over the past 50 years has eaten at Daddy Carl's kitchen table. When Mom Opal was alive, it was a fried chicken and spaghetti kinda Sunday lunch or chicken and dressing, not all lunches but the really good ones. As I look back over the past few days with my family as we mourn our loss of this great man, I also mourn the loss of how life used to be. I have lost sight of what I really am. I am a very wealthy woman, I am part of the legacy that Daddy Carl left. He set an example of prayer, hard-work, studying the Word of God and living according to that word. I can only pray that I have honored my father and my mother that my life will be long on the land the God has promised. I can pray that Daddy Carl's legacy will continue to live through me and that my children will reap his blessings.

The End Is Better

So Trevor finished his last chemotherapy and his last radiation on Friday, October 26. I took a small video and picture with my phone but believe it or not, I can't seem to attach it to my blog...I'm so very technologically challenged. Whew-Hoo...treatments are over! Trevor will have follow up appointments in December. His radiation oncologist will look at his throat and mouth to see how well it is healing. He will also see his chemo radiation that same day to discuss when to begin his maintenance chemo treatments. He will have another PET scan with contrast to detect any radical cancer cells. The Friday of his last radiation treatment was a very emotional day for us, okay well for me. He went into his last radiation treatment nauseated from the amount of saliva his mouth produced and still produces. He was exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep the night before because, again, the amount of saliva his mouth produces as well as his sinus drainage. I've tried timing how often he gets up in the night just to spit, it never fails...I fall asleep. Generally, he gets up at least once an hour, just to spit. I told him to just roll over and spit in a pot I fixed for him or medicate and sleep. We would probably drown in the bed with the amount of drool that would flow from his slack mouth! He has been using a baking soda/salt water mouth rinse and his doctor said that that has helped his mouth healthy with the amount of radiation he has had and also with the saliva production. He went into radiation and when he came out his doctor told him he gets to ring "The Bell" for completing radiation. The nurse told the doctor that "The Bell" would have to be rung in the waiting room because there were approximately 40-45 people in the waiting room waiting for Trevor. My man is so loved by so many at Jackson General, it is overwhelming. There were doctors, physical therapist, office administrators, pt-techs, pt assistants, nurses and friends that have been praying for our family waiting to see him ring "The Bell"! He was speechless, but that really wasn't too hard since he doesn't have a voice, AT ALL. I was overwhelmed! No words...Really... That afternoon I had an appointment at my babies school. Eli's 4th grade class had been working to surprise him. Parents had organized a goodie basket (2) for him. Just so he would know how much he means to them and to let him know that they "have his back" while his dad is fighting this disease. They put together lots of goodies and games for Eli and Trevor to do together. When I walked into his classroom the entire 4th grade, all 3 classes, were in his classroom and his teacher had asked Eli to sit in front of the class. She was asking the class what did they know about Eli. Eli sees me come in and his eyes bug out of his head, like "what are you doing here? and I'm not in trouble..." I look around the room and I see Eli's "live-wire" friend look at me with teary eyes, there goes a chink in the "tear-guard"...I continue to look at his friends and I see his friend that is the sweetest, most kind-hearted little girl.(When he fell out of the deer stand, "sweet-cheeks" had her grandmother call while he was at LeBonheur to check on him. Sweet-cheeks had gone to see Taylor Swift and was in Memphis and wanted to be sure he was okay. When we got home she had her mom go get donuts just so she could come over and see how well he was really doing.) Anyway, I'm looking around his classroom again and I see "sweet-cheeks" and she is teary eyed too...another chink in my tear guard...it's all I can do to hold it together. His sweet teacher continues to tell him how special he is to her and to his classmates, all the while looking back at me...chink! chink! chink! I turn around and my sweet Hot Pants friend is in the back of the classroom wiping tears from her eyes...good thing I carry a tissue at all times, because I was wiping the tears away too! I have been so blessed by Eli and Neely's friends and by their parents. Our school has prayed for our family on several occasions. They have provided for us and their prayers have carried us through the past year, thank you. As Eli is gathering his goodies and asking friends to help carry it all, I go to Neely's class. I'm finally composed and ready to face my princess and her class, because they had put together a goody box for her too! Just to let her know how much she means to them and to remind her that they are praying for her and her dad and for his quick, total recovery. I walk into her classroom and her sweet teacher tells me she was waiting for me to show her friends her goodies...As I look at her teacher, again...chink in the tear guard. I'm doing quick swipes to keep from having to answer "why? what's wrong? are you okay?" questions from 2nd graders! Our children go to Trinity Christian Academy in Jackson Tennessee. Several years ago we had a speaker that spoke at a banquet for our school. He compared our school to the other private schools in our area and what set us apart from the others. God has provided every year for our children to attend TCA. We wanted our children to get a great education. We wanted our children to be educated by educators that seemingly re-enforce our parenting. The other private schools in our city are all of the best caliber and those of you that read this and go to those other schools know the academic excellence your schools provide. But this speaker several years ago asked "what sets TCA apart from the other private schools in Jackson?" The answer should be the "Christian". Not Trinity Christian Academy, but the Christians our children are and we pray they will be. From my family's experience, the Christian families in our community and especially those Christian families that are trying to raise Godly children that attend our school, we have been ministered to through you and blessed by you, thank you. A friend of mine shared with me on the very last day of Trevor's treatments, Ephesians 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than it's beginning." I concur. The end of Trevor's treatments were more painful and harder to take and harder for me to watch, but this is the end of this battle.

Week 7...the last lap

I've wondered what exactly to post and I just published what I had written for last week, but this post is what has gone on this weekend and what our expectations are. I've been posting and not really knowing what I'm going to write until I sat down and just started rambling, sounds easy enough. As you've kept up with our brief encounter of cancer and gotten a glimpse into our day to day lives it seems simple or easy enough. But do you really know how it feels to have 4 "followers" and over 2000 people that have chased that wild rabbit and feel the pressure of coming up with something that is edifying and encouraging in our current "situation". So today as I was sitting in church listening to our new Student Minister, God gave me an audible. I don't want to plagiarize, that is not my intent but what he said is EXACTLY how I've been feeling publicly and privately. I've been battling with being an encouraging wife and mother, trying to LET Christ be shown in my words and actions. I ask that God would be seen in our family's situation but man it's hard when I keep getting in the way of what He is trying to do in and around our lives. The message came from Psalms 23. He said it was the most overlooked scripture in the Bible. I got distracted in verse one: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." If any of you have heard this feel free to turn it over to the Cards/Giants game, Cards are going to go to game 7 and walk away NLCS champs, again. I digress. People wanna know what we need, what they can do for us, what we want, what our kids need/want, what can they do for Trevor, can he eat, drive, how's he doing, etc...It is because the LORD is our shepherd that we are not in want. Want and Need are two different things but can be interchanged. We NEED for nothing and in relation to the 23 Psalms, we are not in want. Our Lord has sacrificed His son for our needs. He has us so taken care of yet we (I) have a tendency to wanna do, worry, sit or whatever. When I was listening to the minister speak I was so humbled because God has us taken care of. If I will sit and listen, He has already promised us healing. He has promised us a future and all He asks of me is to continue to praise Him and serve Him. If you look at Psalms, it was written by David when he was a shepherd, when his best friend was the son of the king, when the king was jealous of him, when he himself was king, when he made poor judgement with Bathsheba, hopefully you get the picture. David praised God in good fortune and turmoil. My man has cancer. We have been given a great prognosis. It stinks that my children have seen him be exhausted from doing nothing. It stinks that we all have to have the flu vaccination so that we don't bring any nasty bugs home with us. It really stinks that he's lost almost 30 pounds and that he can't eat any of the great foods that we've had brought to us. His salivary glands are in overdrive and he spits at least a gallon of saliva a day. He has to get up in the night to spit. When he coughs or clears his throat he has to control his gag or he'll start throwing up. He has already gone through a whole box of iodized salt and baking soda washing his mouth out trying to keep his mouth healthy. What is real torture is watching him look out the window and watching...watching kids, watching the wind blow, watching the sun shine because he can't be in the sun and he's so tired when he gets out there it's very brief. He comes back in to watch more football or more outdoor channel. And it irritates the fool out of me to see him this way and again there is NOTHING I can do to change it... After today's message it was an a-ha moment, God said to me exactly what John Pond said to say "it is because the LORD is my shepherd, that we don't need to want". God's so got this, He's got us covered. He has and continues to meet all of our needs and wants. The days that I can't seem to bring myself to be transparent before Him, the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf Here we are about to begin week 7. Radiation Monday thru Friday, Friday being Trevor's LAST day of radiation-can I get AMEN from some believers?! Tuesday will be his last chemotherapy for 4 weeks. Trevor will begin maintenance chemo after Thanksgiving 3 times for 12 weeks. God is Good! Thank you for continued prayers as we finish this race...

6 weeks-GONE!

Here we are at the end of week 6!!!! Think about the things that you can do in 6 weeks: Get pregnant AND confirm pregnancy. Lose 12 lbs healthily, this I have not done. Depending on if you are on 6/9 weeks, get a report card. This my babies have done and we are very pleased with the efforts of our babies in their academics. Eli has fought off laziness and has one, again. Neely has gone above and beyond her AR goal, and I'm tickled to death that one of my children enjoys reading. So at 6 weeks, my husband has endured chemo and radiation and done it without a complaint. I do enough whining, he doesn't have to. I have received several comments about keeping this blog. I do it to keep everyone up to date on what's going on. It would probably be beneficial if I wrote as things were happening instead of trying to catch up on a Friday night watching the Cards take game 5 to clinch the NLCS to go to the World Series, again. I'm easily distracted by the interview with Mike Matheny. I like to look at him, he is very easy on the eyes... Anyway, thank you for the encouraging words about my writing. I don't think my 12th grade English teacher reads this or she would have her red pen out writing me a stern letter about ending sentences with prepositions, or my run-on sentences. I think I give my English teacher friends a run for their money when they read this, it's probably like fingernails down a chalk board for them...I love ya'll and you know it! We've had a pretty good week. Trevor had a pretty good weekend and it helped that it was nice weather. He got to play outside with the kids. Trevor felt so good Wednesday, he and his nephew got the windows put into his shooting house. He is now ready to hunt! Tuesday he had chemo all day. I dropped him off at 7:30 a.m. and we didn't get home until 7 p.m. Wednesday was a good day. Thursday was an okay day and today was a blah kinda day again. That's pretty much how the past 6 weeks have gone and we only have 1 more week of good then blah, then cancer free good!

Okay for those of you that have read last night's post, it'll be alright.  Don't be self-medicating on the account of 1 post.  I felt I needed to be honest about MY feelings, not just what's been going on.  I'm not going to do anything dumb, intentionally anyway, because of this circumstance.

 I come from hardy stock!  My family, not my babies and my man, but momma, daddy, brothers and my sister, my grandparents (of which I only have a Daddy Carl left), aunts, uncles and cousins, we have all been through so much individually and as a family.  But in the scheme of things pain is pain and just because my immediate family is going through this cancer incident doesn't make your pain any less or mine any greater.  I believe it's all in how you handle it and the only way I know how to handle it is through prayer.  Now if you've heard me spout off at the mouth sometimes, you may doubt that and I ask that you forgive me for causing you to stumble in your relationship with our Lord.  My first instinct is to pray, whether it's praying for healing, peace, comfort or discernment.

But I'm a woman, a woman ruled a lot of times by emotions. I am a  woman that is not supernatural, there aren't any Halloween costumes out there looking like me with rubber or plastic faces of my likeness.  I struggle and last night I was getting over the hump of emotions.  I believe that God has prepared me for this moment in our family's.  I don't need any "bless your heart" or "you poor thing".  The only thing that anyone can do for me or for us is pray.  Pray for our strength.  Pray for Trevor's rapid, complete healing.
James 5:16  "The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

I had started a new post and didn't finish it so I saved it, only now I can't find it so I'm starting over and have no idea what the other post was about...

So here we are, 11 more days of radiation and 2 more chemo treatments.  Trevor's platelets and white blood counts were higher than last week so he got both drugs.  Where as, last week his platelets were very low and only the Erbitux was administered because the Cysplatin is very hard on the kidneys.  With a low platelet and white blood cell count, the doctor didn't want to stress his kidneys anymore than they were already.  He also gained 2 pounds last week...woo-hoo!  This week he has maintained his weight with no loss or gain.

"They" said that weeks four and five were probably going to be the hardest to handle physically and emotionally.  So here WE are on the back side of week 5 and I have to say that this whole experience has been hard and I guess you could say I came to a head earlier this week, right in the middle of weeks of 4-5..."They" said that swallowing would be difficult, and that has happened, Trevor can swallow nothing at this point because of the thickening of the lining of his tongue, mouth and throat.  I looked the word up that the doctor used and it said that this occurrence was normal.  It is caused by the lining of his mouth and throat regenerating.  New lining growing underneath the old but hasn't started sloughing off yet.  He said that last week his tongue sloughed off...SOOOOoooooo....that said with the thickening of his lining he has an exaggerated gag reflex.  If he clears his throat, he gags; if he gags with food on his belly, well there ya go, he's thrown up.  To ensure the lining keeps sloughing, he rinses his mouth out A LOT with baking soda and salt water.  We should have bought stock in Arm & Hammer.

He says he isn't in a great deal of pain, especially compared to getting his tonsils out or even last week.  Over the weekend, he laid around more than what his body is used to and started getting leg cramps.  When his legs start cramping he's generally up all night trying to stretch it out.  When he's up stretching all night, he gets no sleep.  I believe in sleep, a firm believer! 

After chemo Tuesday when he got Adivan, which is a great anti-medic but it also knocks Trevor off his butt and he slept a good 2 and half hours, my attitude was sour and my hormones were raging.  I have felt helpless.  So many people want to help us out any way they can but what some don't understand is that I'm in that same boat.  I want to do anything I can to make this experience better.  To make his cancer go away, to ease his discomfort but there is NOTHING I can do.  He doesn't need me to do anything.  When I try to help him or try to anticipate his needs, I don't do it the way that he wants or he doesn't want/need me to do anything.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells and I couldn't figure out why.  I haven't been sleeping very well and neither has he so we've kinda been buggin'.  I'm trying to be honest and sensitive and I can't seem to do both.  I sometimes feel like he doesn't need me, at all.  If he doesn't need me to help him through this cancer thing, what does he need me for at all?!  Need and want are two different things.  I love this man so much it makes me angry when I can't make him happy at all during this entire process from tonsillectomy to 7 weeks of chemo/radiation.  I tried talking to him about it, but of course my hormones get in the way and I went off on a freakin' rant!

My husband has cancer.  He's fighting this disease physically and emotionally but his family is also fighting this disease.  It isn't attacking us physically but it's attacking our relationships and how we communicate, if we communicate with each other at all.  He has no physical voice left and says that he will tell me if he needs me to do anything...UMMmmm, no he won't!  I know this because from what some near and dear tell me, I'm kinda that way too.  I don't think I'm proud, well not on that level, but if I DON'T do it or make the effort to try to do it, it'll become an emotional battle that I may lose. 

The bottom line is I'm a whack.  I'm holding it together because of lots and lots of prayers, I mean LOTS of prayers!  My husband is doing better than what his doctors expected.  I think he's doing better than what "They" said he would do at this stage of the game.  He is very tired and often feels wiped out but again, "They" said this would happen.  The chemo/radiation is cumulative so it'll all add up in 11 days.  He may still be wiped out for a week or 3 when these treatments are over.  So over the next month I/we will need lots intercessional prayer.  I will have to make a deliberate effort to keep my hormones in my back pocket and keep my tongue in my mouth.  If it isn't edifying and uplifting for the ones that hear it, it doesn't need to be said...I believe our dear New Testament friend, James refers to keeping my tongue in check.  It is as sharp as a sword and has the ability to make or break a person and a relationship.  I guess that'll be my devotion tonight...

Thanks for your prayers, thanks for your encouraging words.  I ask that you do keep my family, especially my children and my man in your prayers.  We all have to have our flu shots.  The babies got theirs this week and Eli was sent home today with a fever...He and Neely have been sequestered upstairs.  Tomorrow Eli and I will have pajama day all day while Neely is at school taking her end of week tests.  Please pray that this flu vaccine hangover doesn't affect Neely and that Eli is now over his. 

I'm in such a tired stupor tonight I have no scripture only petitions for lots more prayers for my family...my next post, I will try to add some Harchfield Humor...love me some Harchfield's!

Petitioning you for more prayers to carry my family over the next 11 days-angi

Beginning Week 5...

Where to start...

Tuesday was Trevor's mid-treatment follow up appointment.  He did his radiation Tuesday morning, followed by having labs done.  We knew the results of those labs before he was scheduled to go to his check-up at 10:15.  His platelet count was really low as was his white blood count, which is to be expected at this stage of chemo/radiation treatments. His oncologist was admitted to JMCGH as a patient so Trevor had to see the nurse practitioner.  She wanted to hold off on all chemo drugs for the week...that dog will not hunt for shore!  Trevor asked her to please consult the oncologist making rounds for his doctor and he believed that it wouldn't hurt him to do the Erbitux drug, but hold off on the Cysplatin.  Cysplatin stresses the kidneys and he has to be hydrated before he starts this drug and has to get 2000 mg of fluid via IV while this drug is being administered to ensure hydration.  So he had hydrated all day Monday, thus up half the night going poddy and then doesn't get the drug.  He was kinda aggravated but we knew this could happen.  It was a short day, we were home by 4:30, just in time to get to Eli's soccer game...woo-hoo!

Wednesday, Trevor went to radiation and weighed.  He had lost 7 lbs the week before just trying to get feeding tube formula balanced and kept in.  So when we weighed this time, he had gained 2 lbs!  Packin on the Pounds BABY!  Although, when you see him you see weight loss not a whole 2 pounds gained but it's a gain...He finally has his feedings balanced and he's even taking in some Gatorade and water to stay hydrated.  His mouth and throat are very sore.  I try to keep him from having to use his voice and have told him if he needs anything just text me, I'm sitting right next of him for Pete's Sake! 

Some of you, I'm sure are wondering how is his hunting season going to go?!  Well he got his shooting house put up with the help of some great guys.  So when he does get to go hunting, he'll be protected from the elements.  He's even checked his cameras and he has a couple of BIG bucks that he hopes he'll feel strong enough to "take down".  After he get one or both of these big daddy's, he's going to need help getting them out of the field, I think I may start a lottery.  Maybe something like:  Register to win TIME with TREVOR!  Help him Harvest his BUCK!  Requirements:  Be accessible at the beep of a text message.  Be able to drive a 4-wheeler.  Be able to field dress this monster buck and drag it out and load it into Trevor's truck.  I'll have to let Trevor figure out how to choose a winner.  Whether it be by random FB posts or comments to this post or mass text message to "register" for said lottery...Of course, I'm joking.  I know no woman reading this is going to care a hill of beans about field dressing a deer, much less loading it.  And if there are men reading this and you are interested, I'll let you know when he goes hunting. 

So as we head into week 5, we're now on the back side of cancer treatment and GOD is good!  He has brought us through the first half.  Our family is stronger for living this together, although it has been tough we are stronger for it.  For the next 3 weeks, Trevor's treatments of chemotherapy will probably be nothing to exciting since he has the nausea licked.  Please pray that his platelet and white blood cell count stay at level that will allow him to endure both chemo drugs from here on out.  Pray this his body begin to heal itself, stronger than it was and cancer free.  The radiation right now is the hard part.  His mouth and throat are raw and he has been advised that they will get worse before they get better.  Again, pray for a quick but complete cancer free healing. 

Please keep our entire family in your prayers.  I ask specifically that you pray for our health so that we don't bring nasty germs home to Trevor that may complicate his healing.  My babies and I will have to get the flu vaccine to ensure we don't bring that bug home to him in the incoming flu season while his immune system is compromised.  I have NEVER had the flu vaccine, I'm from the old school of thought.  Why set myself up for something I've never had?!  Whereas Trevor gets the vaccine every year because he works in the hospital environment but he won't get it this year for the first time in a very long time, probably 10 years if not more. 

REMINDER:  Don't forget to go to www.racesonline.com to register to run or walk in the Run Hard, Fight Harder race on November 10 in Jackson.  Early registration, before October 12 guarantees a cool t-shirt.  Neely is even doing the 1 mile walk with me in her bright pink tennis shoes.  It's going to be a great time with lots of great people and even more laughs.  Better than a meet and greet at a high school reunion!

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers, for your cards of encouragement and even hysterical laughs.  We are loved and we are blessed and thankful to have you all praying for us even if it's only on a fleeting thought.  I pray that you are, in turn blessed by your prayers for us.  I know we wouldn't be able to endure this without God's mercy being asked for without your intercession of prayers, thank you.

Isaiah 55:11  "So will My word be, which goes forth from My mouth;  It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and not succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."

Don't get all excited that I'm posting twice in less than 24 hours.  Last night I was so tired from watching the Vols throw away another game, I couldn't even get the info out that was the whole purpose of me sitting down.  Instead ya'll traveled down memory lane with me...thanks :)  And now the NFL teams that I pull for have gotten beaten or are getting beaten...I'm not screaming at the TV because QB's can't seem to throw to their own receivers or receivers can't catch the ball at their chest numbers, but man it makes for a long weekend coaching from the couch!

So this is the information that I wanted to share with you and you can decide to pray for all, or pick one, whatever strikes your fancy.
#1  Wednesday, Trevor had his feeding tube placed in his belly.  We were assuming that this would be an outpatient ordeal and found out Wednesday morning while going into surgery, his doctor opted to keep him overnight for observation.  They wanted to be sure that his peg tube functioned properly and that the nutritionist came by to give him an informative on his diet. I picked the kids up from school and explained that their dad was staying overnight at the hospital and we would go hang out with him and skip church.  Trevor and I had told them Tuesday night that he was getting a feeding tube to help with his nutrition because his throat and mouth were so sore from radiation.  It wouldn't be any big deal, this is a temporary thing, probably for 6-7 weeks because he would have to let his mouth heal after radiation ended before he would be able to eat normally.  Anyway, we are walking in the hospital and Neely asks, "do we need to go home and cut holes in all of my dad's shirts?"  I was kinda confused by the question, but her translator was on hand and replied, "no sis, my dad can raise his shirt when he has to put stuff in his tube"!  Why can I not keep it that simple?  Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I thought that straight?  I think as adults when we grow up, we sometimes grow dumb or grow to over think most everything in our daily lives.  If I bought the groceries on the grocery list, my pantry would not be packed full of "good deals".

So Trevor has his feeding tube and is home.  He came home Thursday afternoon and was so full from his noon feeding that he didn't feed again until Friday morning,(kinda sounds like he's a vampire with his feedings).  His Friday morning feedings didn't go well at all!  He fed and threw them up less than 30 minutes later.  He said that if felt acidy as soon as it hit his stomach.  So he got a different supplement delivered by a special lady from Medical Center Medical Products on her way home and now he is on his way to working up to 2200 calories/day.  2200 calories is easily taken in at one sitting with me and my babies and all of the meals that have been brought to us over the past 6 weeks.  Please pray for his strength and maintaining a healthy weight.  My man has lost approximately 27-30 pounds in the past 6 weeks and he doesn't look good from behind not having a hiney for me to ogle...Oh sorry, I'm sure that's TMI!

#2  Tomorrow starts week 4 in battling Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma...meaning we are 3 weeks away from being a cancer free family.  I have claimed God's promises of healing already, but some of you may feel led to claim those same promises for me and maybe for your own family or another friend.  God's word says in John 16 that for whatever we ask in His son's name, Jesus, He will give it to us.  I have claimed that for my husband and for my children regarding their health and our future.

The people that Trevor has talked to that have fought this same battle have said that weeks 4-5 are pretty tough.  So here we are on week 4's doorstep, I refuse to let what other people have told him or me determine how he may or may not feel.  My goal is to keep OUR spirits high...strength and nutrition higher!

#3  Some of you may have heard or been invited on Facebook about the 5K Fun Run/Walk that some of Trevor's co-worker's are doing.  If I can figure out how to add the information on here, I will.  Anyway, it's Saturday, November 10 at Union University at 9 am.  Registration begins at 8 or you can pre-register at www.racesonline.com, it's the Run Hard, Fight Harder 5K in Jackson TN, 38305 at Union University.  Early registration is $20 by October 12 and guarantees a t-shirt.  If you want to participate and can't be in Jackson, you can still register for the race and a t-shirt will be sent to you.  Everyone NEEDS another t-shirt!  Any other questions that I didn't answer contact Dabney Stewart at Dabney.Stewart@wth.org or Jenny Graves at Jenny.Graves@wth.org.  There are prizes for the top male and female finishers.  If you would rather not actively participate but be a sponsor and have your name or logo on the shirt, let Jenny or Dabney know.

Eli, Neely and I plan on participating.  We are going to do the 1 mile walk, although Eli will probably run.  For those of you that are not loosing sleep at night not worrying about my husband, the love of my life, the father of my sweet children having cancer but sleeping soundly and waking up in a cold sweat wondering "how in the world is Angi's foot from that horrible face plant 6 weeks ago in the TCA parking lot?"  Ya'll can get some sound sleep now or take some sort of sleep aid if you're worried sick because I went to the doctor and I have a stress fracture and a strained foot.  Let me tell you how hot I am in this black boot, seriously.  Who would have thought 1 orthopedic boot could keep my basil metabolic temperature so high...I can wear less clothes because of this stinkin boot!  And if my foot keeps sweating, it will be stinkin!

Thank you all for your continued prayers.  Thank you for your words of encouragement.  Thank you for going out of your way at the grocer's or at church or mailing cards or fb messages to say a word of encouragement to me and my family.  Your words, gestures, cards, meals and prayers are greatly appreciated.  We may never know everyone who has lifted us up to our Heavenly Father, but know that your prayers have carried us through the past 6 weeks.

With a heart full of Thanksgiving-angi

In the beginning...there was a deer stand

So where to begin, not the beginning that was almost a year ago.  I'll have to post that one day when I have NOTHING ELSE TO DO, but I promise I will so that ya'll won't feel left out if you don't already know where this all began.  Okay, you twisted my arm, picture it:

October 29, 2011, a crisp Saturday morning.  The St. Louis Cardinals had just won the World Series the night before.  It was opening day of juvenile hunt for deer season.  Trevor and Eli were at his parent's house for the weekend and Neely and I were having "Girl Time".  8:40 a.m., Saturday morning Trevor calls home.  He tells me to stay calm that there has been an accident...(even as I type this, I remember the whole in my stomach).  He says he and Eli fell out of the deer stand that morning at 6.  That Eli is okay, he is being life-flighted to Jackson.  He tells me that Eli has a broken leg and has been awake the whole time.  He is calm  for a 9 year old that has fallen 16 feet, but he's in a helicopter so there are tons of cool point for a 3rd grader.  Trevor's voice is shaking and I ask him if he is okay, he said that he's okay but his back hurts.

He tells me to get dressed that our nephew, who goes to school at Union University, is on his way to our house to stay with Neely until we know more on Eli's prognosis.  I am to call him as soon as I get to Jackson General because Trevor wants to know who the attending orthopedic is on call.  The thing with having a husband who works there is knowing who you want to see your son and who you don't.  As soon as I hang up, the nephew is at my door.  Let me tell you how wonderful this guy is...He is a Junior at the time, it's a Saturday morning for a college kid.  He is at my door, dressed, and very composed.  He had been called at 6:30 that morning and had been sworn to secrecy until "the" call had been made by Trevor to me. 

I get to the hospital, Trevor calls and says that the hospital had refused Eli and they were taking him to LeBonheur.  At the time, I was livid...deny him?!  But now in retrospect, we are all good with that decision.  Jackson General is a great hospital and has great physicians and a great cancer center but they are not a pediatric TRAUMA center.  LeBonheur was the best choice all the way around.  Eli said is was like staying in a hotel, except for having a broken leg!  Anyway, I have to wait for Trevor and his parents to get to our house so that we can all go to Memphis together.  I call my sister and tell her she needs to be at LeBonheur when Eli gets there.  I don't want him there with no one there he doesn't know.  She said, "I'm walking out the door!", and when we got there, she had literally been walking out the door.  She is a great auntie!

Trevor and his parents get here, he can't pick his feet up to walk he's in so much pain.  I don't know which was worst, the emotional pain he was trying to work through because he couldn't explain the fall or his back.  Trevor is safety concious, especially with his children and the outdoors.  He teaches them safety and respect for the outdoors and wildlife.  Eli was already in the deer stand and Trevor was on the last wrung climbing into the stand to put their safety harnesses on when the stand shifted around the tree and tossed them both out.  16 feet down, in the pitch black, side by side they landed.  Eli screamed his leg was broken and Trevor gets the wind knocked out of him.  He has to crawl on all fours to find Eli in excruciating pain.  Trevor explains to Eli how he's going to have to roll him on his back and how he's going to have to stabilize his leg with seat cushions and limbs.  He tells Eli that this is like Bear Grylls or Survivorman, gotta keep it real!  Trevor manages to get up on his feet and explain to Eli he's going to have to walk up the ridge to try and get cell coverage to call for help.  God's hand is ALL UP IN THIS SITUATION!!!  Where they hunt, there is very rarely cell coverage, depending on how high up the ridge you go or if the wind is blowing...the "Can You Hear Me Now" man could make his commercials there-sometimes!

Trevor walks about 20 yards and while he's walking away from Eli, he's trying to keep him talking.  Eli is talking and hollers "Dad, did you hear that turkey? OH, my leg!  Dad did you hear it? I heard that turkey again, OH my leg!"  Trevor calls his mom, she calls for an ambulance and she and my father-in-law get in the vehicles to come help.  A retired TWRA wildlife agent hears the ambulance call on the scanner and comes with his gator to help get them out.  They meet the ambulance and take them back to where Trevor had parked but then they had to get on the gator with a stretcher, EMTs and get Eli.  They load him up onto the gator, go to meet the ambulance and go out to a big field to meet the Air-Evac wing that the ambulance had called.  Again, God is ALL UP IN THIS TOO!  Usually when Air-Evac is called to Big Sandy, you have to get to the city park so that the helicopter can land in the ball field but where they were hunting there is a huge field that the helicopter landed in. 

So Eli flew by helicopter to Memphis and Trevor refused treatment my EMS.  He wasn't going to have anything done until Eli had been checked out.  We get to LeBonheur, my sister was there before the helicopter landed and had prayed with our son and for our son.  My mom got there and they both prayed again with Eli.  Trevor and I got there with his parents and Eli was getting x-rays.  Looking at him on that table, I think he had on every piece of camoflage on that he owned.  Trevor said that Eli didn't want to get cold so he put it all on and the flight nurse had to cut all of it off!  There were leaves everywhere, a deer could have walked in that room and no one would have seen if for the camoflage and leaves that Eli had on him. 

When he saw me he said, "MOM, if you're here where's my sis?!, is she okay?"  He called her and that was the end of hysteria for both of them.  He was calm and it calmed her to hear his voice.  I've been blessed to babies that love each other that much that they think of the other in dire circumstances.  Moving on...Eli had a scrape all the way up his face, from his chin up his nose and his forehead.  His nose was so swollen, I thought it was broken but they said no it was just swollen from kissing the ground.  All along, my man is in excruciating pain.  He can hardly move, he can't sit down at all because it hurt too bad and he was being torn up inside by watching his son hurt knowing he couldn't do anything to help, but pray. 

Eli went into surgery to put a nail into his left femur because it was broken in 3 places.  The orthopedic surgeon we saw is a great man, Dr. Jeffrey Sawyer with Campbell's Clinic.  And since we have been released from his care in August, there have been 2 other people that we know that see him.  He sees pediatric patients and has the greatest bedside manner.  After he was done with Eli, he sent Trevor to Methodist University hospital for treatment.  Saturday night in Memphis, full moon, Halloween weekend...you can picture that emergency room and if you can't find an old episode of ER and you'll get a good picture.  Trevor had sustained 3 compression fractures to his back.

So here we are 11 months out and his back is much better, although lots of riding will wear it out and it will start to tighten up.  But during this whole tree stand altercation, he had a sinus infection that we had been treating with sinus/allergy medicine.  We both have seasonal allergies and they start when farmers start cutting beans or when Trevor starts preparing his deer plots.  11 months ago he had a sinus infection that kind of lingered until we found out in August that the sinus infection that would not completely go away was cancer...

Please pray for Trevor's strength.  His endurance over the next 7 weeks.  His emotional strength as he continues to be an encouraging, loving father but is becoming very tired because of the chemo and radiation that has a cumulative affect.  The more treatments he undergoes, the more it builds up and the tiredness will linger a little longer after each treatment. 

Nehemiah1:11-"O Lord, I beseech you, may your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant and the prayer of your servants who delight to revere your name, and make your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man."

UGH...Conviction...GAH!!!

Ephesians 4:29  Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the  need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Man, that's not what I was looking for...I was looking for the verse in Matthew about being the salt of the earth and losing it's saltiness because Trevor has lost his sense of taste.  Instead, as I was looking for what I WANTED, it seems that my sweet Heavenly Father has a word for me about unwholesome word...The irony in this verse being "found" today was that my mom just told me today, that I had become abrasive!  I know those of you that have spoken to me in the past month don't believe that and you all know that my mom is crazy!  If I wake up tonight from hearing hysterical laughs from a certain group of baseball moms or 4 specific relatives I'll know that  you agree.  Just like I told my mom, I know that I'm abrasive, it's not an act all the time.  There are certain situations that call for me taking a tone.

For example, when my husband has to be admitted last Friday week for dehydration.  I call the nurse and I explain to her the situation of my husband not being able to tolerate food or Zofran. (If this is news to you, read previous post.)  The nurse gives me the run around and acts like she is about to take a "you're so dumb" tone with me.  I did tell her that the drugs I was asking about were referred to me, I did not tell her by an Oncology Pharmacist THAT SEES PATIENTS WITH DOCTORS IN A NATIONAL CANCER CENTER!!!!!  She begins questioning the validity of me asking about these drugs and "we don't prescribe those kinds of drugs", like I was asking for marijuana...and I'm not above it.  When I change tactics and aske her "if this was your husband, what would you do?"  She all of a sudden does a 360 and starts treating me like I was a concerned, loving wife that is beside herself because there is nothing I can do to make my husband better-NOTHING.  She tells me she would have this drug and this drug and this procedure and "please let me know if there is anything else we can do to help Trevor"!  OMGoodness, I kept by abrasive tongue in my head although I wanted to jump through the phone and squeeze her neck until my hand cramped.  That could probably be stated more sweetly and non-abrasive like, but I'm not posting just for you.  This is also therapy for me and trying to see that you all get the same information.

Anyway, Trevor has lost quite a bit of weight.  His taste buds are changing and are being burned from the radiation.  Things either taste really bad or burn his mouth.  I made him a smoothie with a Boost protein drink that is lactose free with Silk, instead of milk and Rice Dream, instead of ice cream.  We are trying to reduce the amount of dairy he takes in because it make him phlegmy and phlegm makes him gag then leads to throwing up.  Moving on, he had one "swig" and threw it up before it went all the way down.  He said it tasted like his radiation.  He did get some mouth rinse that is suppposed to numb his mouth so that he can eat and it not hurt as bad and not really taste it either.  But plan B is the feeding tube and that will keep him nourished. 

I think plan B should be implemented 2 weeks ago, but he doesn't want to have a procedure that "he may not need".  I can see the rational in that and I'm trying to be supportive, but let's review Ephesians 4:29...this is where I'm being nailed.  I've tried really hard to have the appropriate word for the occasion but in this instance, there really isn't an appropriate time for me to say "so what about that feeding tube".  I hate to see him struggle.  I hate to see him hurting physically and emotionally. I hate that I can't DO anything to make him better or at least FEEL better. 

I don't think I'm not compassionate or that I'm abrasive all the time.  I am compassionate to the situation as well as abrasive in the opposite situation.  I'm a doer...this sitting and watching and waiting is pulling on me in a bad kinda way.  I can't even put on my tennis shoes to go for a brisk walk on this 2nd day of fall because of my still jacked up foot.  So I either need more appropriate moments to be abrasive or need to stay in the word a whole lot more.  The second probably would be the best route for better feedback in appropriate situations, but let's be real.  Just because that's what I should do, doesn't mean I'm going to do it. 

When I do sit down for my quiet time, my mind wanders to La-La land.  My son and I should by a vacation home there, we both seem to travel there at times when we should be somewhere else like in the Lord's word or English/Reading class.  2 weeks ago Eli traveled to La-La land during an open book assignment and came home with a 75.  I went monkey-butt crazy on his tail.  I told him that if he brought home another open book assignment that was not an A, I would wear  him out.  He would have to choose something to give up with all of his exra-curriculars or I would do it and then he would have to call the appropriate extra-curricular director.  So this week he comes home with a 65 on an open book assignment.  His teacher wrote "65 oops!" 65 OOPS! is Eli being lazy and I'm tired of it.  If he didn't know the material and it wasn't open book, that would be a whole different ball game.  So, I wore his bottom out, while he tried to squeeze out tears, (my son is almost as tall as I am).  He had to call all of the extra-curricular directors and tell them all that he would not be participating this week because he had bad grades. 

He chose to tell them he had bad grades, rather than he was fighting a severe case of Lazy!  Actually he's only had 2 bad grades and one was the week before last when I warned him of what would happen if he chose to be lazy again.  The other was last week, when he chose to be lazy again.  He had all A's until those 2 bouts of laziness over took him.  Now he has 4 A's and 2 B's.  When I made him make the calls to extra-curricular directors, I think that hurt him more than the physical spanking I gave him.  He didn't have to try to squeeze out tears, they came natural.  I hope we have taken care of Lazy-itis for the 4th grade year.  This week will resume his daily, busy, extra-curricular laden week and he is so excited. 

Now for a little light hearted laugh...ya'll will laugh, I did not!  So Trevor gets his mouth wash that will numb his mouth so he can eat and I thaw chicken legs for supper.  A good barbequed chicken leg on the grill, always taste good.  So as I was letting the cheese from the cheeseburgers we had last week burn off, I close the lid to the grill and go back in the house.  Probably 10 minutes later I go check on the grill to find it's burning.  The grill is now on fire on the outside.  I'm panicked on the inside, but I don't want to become hysterical in front of the kids and seem like I'm overreacting to Trevor.  I go to get Trevor and tell him that I need him for a minute.  When he sees the grill, he turns the gas off but it keeps burning and now is almost engulfed in flames.  He turns the water hose on and puts the flames out.  The gas line from the grill to the gas tank had caught on fire and was burning, it's a wonder I didn't blow the house up trying to grill chicken.  So instead of the ultimate grilled barbecue chicken leg, we have baked chicken.

Please continue to pray for Trevor, for his strength as he begins week 3 of radiation and chemo.  He wants me to let him know if he becomes ill or depressed...I guess I better take note of his moods better.  I thought that we both became depressed when he was diagnosed with cancer!  Pray that we both will have a word to share with those around us that is meant to encourage and will be a Godly word for those that it's been prepared for. 

Thank you all for your encouraging words.  For your words of wisdom and even reproach, your words have not fallen of deaf ears.  Thank you for the food!  My children and I are not going to starve to death, that's for sure.  Thank you for your gifts of kindness and generosity.

Angi

Peace...

We have 5 weeks and 5 days and we will be cancer free, WOO-HOO!  Today started round 2 of chemotherapy.  Trevor started the day with radiation at 7:45 followed by fluids being started at 8:45.  All of his treatments and radiation are done in the hospital he works at and it does my heart good to see the doctors and nurses and other people in the hallways or that come by to see him have such respect and admiration for him.  I know he is good at what he does but I don't count because I'm his wife, not a wound expert.  But when professionals take a moment out of their day to find out what room he's in and come by to check on him, I am so proud to be his wife and beaming when he introduces me to them if they haven't already met me. What really tickles m,e is the cutsie nurses that see him and turn on there cutsie charm and he introduces me as his wife.  He's oblivious to these sweetie pies trying to charm their pants off of themselves.  I love my man so much, not because he comes home to me and my "NOT" Faith Hill great hair. Trevor is a great guy all the way around, minus the 12 pounds he's lost during this little incident. 

Last week I  found that I was so exhausted because I wanted so much for the kinks to be worked out so the next 6 weeks would go off without a hitch...WRONG!!!  In case you didn't already know, drugs affect each individual differently...DUH!  So all of us that swore by Zofran when we were pregnant, it didn't help my man at all.  I could quite possibly be standing in front of Walgreen's close to Christmas time selling Zofran pills for a little extra Christmas money because it did nothing for him. 

And in all of ME worrying MYSELF into a frenzy, we all have other responsibilities...ummm, this isn't about ME.  Eli is responsible for HIS 4th grade homework, which he's figuring out because we don't see his homework sheets anymore and we don't have to sign a notebook saying he's done his homework.  That is his responsibility and he understands when his grades don't reflect deligence, HE has to call the coach, choir director, play director and explain why he can't play or participate.  Neely is responsible for 2nd grade homework, although we do have to sign a sheet saying she read to us.  She is responsible for practicing her piano and being prepared for the next week's lesson.  I am still responsible for laundry, (I think I may have just heard a mass UGH...).  If the clothes aren't washed, we will be going commando and that isn't comfortable!  I have been released from one less responsibility over the next few weeks.  A great friend, who happens to be my boss, arranged a meal plan on www.takethemameal.com password eli/neely.  So I don't have to prepare suppers for awhile.  Thanks for that little love note sweet friend! 

Today, chemotherapy has been easier to tolerate than last week.  The Erbitux dosage was backed down a bit.  Since it's a heavy duty drug, they give the mega dose the first time and back it down to what it will be throughout the rest of the chemotherapy sessions.  So we have 5 more weeks of this Erbitux dosage.  The Cystplatin is a 2 hour dosage but also involves 2000 mg of fluids to be taken in throughout the day.  His doctor has also changed around his nausea medicines.  He has deduced by the burning in his belly for the past 2 days that his Prevacid doesn't take care of the amount of acid in his stomach, especially since he hasn't eaten a lot.  Yesterday he took 2 Prevacids, 2 OTC acid reducers and last count I had 6 TUMS.  His oncologist started Regalin to be taken 4x day with the Nexium 2x a day.  He is also on Anzemet for nausea and will take Phenergan as needed.  We are on the right path and I believe we both feel better about his treatment.  (I do realize that this paragraph should go up to the Zofran paragraph, but I don't know how to cut/paste on my lap top.)  I do realize that lots of you are rolling your eyes and probably thinking "Oh my goodness, is she that technologically challenged? The answer is "yes, I am"!

Numbers 6:24-26  "The Lord bless you and keep you;  the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace"  Thank you God for providing this peace to us today.  Thank you for starting this week off with Your mercy and Your grace.  I pray that we can be reflections of Your grace and be able to show mercy the way You have continually shown us.  Thank you Father for this time together all day with my husband in the confines of a hospital room.  I pray that You would protect us as we travel 10 miles home.  I pray that we would be blessings to those around us, that the blessings You pour over us spill onto those around us.  I pray that You would continue to hold Trevor in the palm of Your hand.  That he rest tonight and wake in the morning ready to eat a hearty breakfast, give hime a hunger for real food that he hasn't known in a week and in that hunger, You sustain his strength as he prepares to go through the next 5 weeks with stamina, strength and good health.  I pray these things in Your precious Son's name, Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer.

Moving...

Moving...

For all of my sweet readers, dear friends, prayer warriors and for those of you that accidently found this post because you saw someone else on facebook liked it and you clicked on it because the new Dallas show was already in reruns and had nothing better to do and start reading…I’m moving my page…
I just can’t seem to get this tumblr. thing down.  I don’t know if it shows the time that I actually post something but by the time you get what’s posted it’s been rewritten at least twice because I can never figure out how to post.  When I have surprised myself when my blog gets posted, it hasn’t been spell checked or had the “red pen” taken to it to perfect it.

So, I’m moving…I’m moving to blogspot.  The name will be www.ididntmakethisup.blogspot.com and I think it will still link to facebook.  If you go there and can’t get it to come up, obviously I’ve jacked it up again. I will post on blogspot and copy to tumblr over the next few posts, just so I feel like I’m doing it correctly.

Before I move, just a little update…After yesterday, I think we may have the kinks worked out for Trevor’s chemo.  I am going to do all I can to keep him drugged at ALL times.  Nausea is like pain, you gotta stay ahead of it!  Phenergan keeps him drowsy and sleeps alot, I don’t care, as long as food stay down his tail will be phenerganed up every 5.5 hours.  He gets a new drug to manage nausea today that the pharmacy had to order, we’ll see how that goes but I’m confident with the phenergan.  The miracle drug Zofran, a lot of pregnant women take this drug to be able to function instead of throwing up during pregnancy, did NOTHING for Trevor except exacerbate his nausea and eventually he got sick.  If you’ve never experienced helplessness, go to a cancer ward where patients are so nauseaus they can’t pick their heads up.  That’s how my man was yesterday.  He got IV fluids with drugs and he’s better.

He got up this morning and took more phenergan and the whole family has been up since 5:30…WHY?! I don’t know, my body’s internal clock is jacked up!  We’ve got a big day today and Trevor is going to try to participate in it.  It will do him good to see the light of day and experience the breeze through his leg hairs! (He’s not proofing this one, so I can say that…).  My boy has soccer at 9:30 and we get to spend time with the most generous lady that my children were first loved on.  Princess is going to her cousin’s for the morning, then birthday party from 12-2.  A sweet friend, who has had her own share of family pain over the past weeks, wants to get my babies and “hang out”!  Her son and Eli are close in age and will have a great time hanging.  Her 16 year old beautiful, Godly daughter wants to spoil my little princess for the afternoon.  We are blessed beyond measure!  And if the rain holds off, I “get” to mow the yard…yippee!

Thank you all for your prayers, even those of you that found us by accident and don’t believe in God’s faithfulness or power and am only reading because you wanna see what happens next, thanks to you too!

Psalms 18:16-19  “He sent from on high, He took me, He drew me out of many waters.  He delivered me from my strong enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too might for me.  They confronted me in the day of my calamity,  BUT the LORD was my stay.  HE brought me forth also into a broad place;  HE rescued me, because HE delighted in me.”

Have a great weekend!  angi

September 13, 2012 Exhaustion leads to tears...

13th September 2012

Exhaustion leads to tears…

By show of hands, how many of you have broken down or even teared up and admitted to the people that witnessed this brief episode, “I’m just tired”.  That’s my go to line for anytime the tears start prickling.  I’m so freakin exhausted, like I’ve got a new baby at my house and have to get up 2-3 times in the night to feed it.  I don’t my babies are 10 and 7 and sleep all night.  But last night that’s how I slept with one eye closed while I prayed 1 John 5:14-15.  I would lay my hand on Trevor’s arm or back or thigh or whatever I could touch and pray silently claiming God’s promises of hearing my prayers and He would hear me and He would grant my request.  Kinda like rubbing a genie’s lantern…poof, my man’s cancer is gone and he has a grown man appetite!  Wrong…I’m so learning to wait on God’s timing and the funny thing is He’s generally waiting for me to follow through too!

So as I get up to start my day, I’m exhausted and I can feel the tears right behind my tired eyelids but I’ve got things to do and work to go to to love on some babies!  It isn’t convenient to feel that prick of tears while talking to the 2nd grade teacher about why I forgot to write a note about who princess is riding home with.  Or while the sweetest, Godliest and most sincere woman is promising prayers all day.  But let’s be for real when is it really convenient to go into that snot running, ugly face cry?  There isn’t enough eye cream to stop the puffiness or Excedrin to dull the headache that follows.  So when we break down in front of the sweetest parents and teachers at Mother’s Day Out, we chalk it up to “I’m so tired”.  Or when you come home to check on your husband in the bed fighting his battle with nausea and you start tearing up, “I’m just tired”.  Nothing makes a man feel better when there is nothing he can physically or emotionally do to make his bride stop crying, and I don’t think he’s ever used the “I’m so tired” excuse.

But if I’m honest, if I ever let myself totally breakdown because my husband is 4 days closer to being cancer free but he’s so miserably nauseaus, my eyes will be swollen shut tomorrow and I won’t ever get to sleep because snot will be running down the back of my throat until I about drown in it!  As I’m putting my babies to bed tonight my wise 10 year old son says…”cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you mom, that’s in 1 Peter 5:7.  The Bible says so”…

I’m so exhausted because I’m caught up in not being able to make my husband better…let’s all keep in mind I have a B.S. in PE/Sports Management and Outdoor Recreation.  I think I’ll leave it up to the professionals who have advised me well on keeping him ahead of his nausea and the professionals whose training is cancer treatment and the God that knows every hair on the head of the man that He prepared for me.

By the way in reference to “we”, I mean me but if there are any Amen’s I would love to know that I’m not the only one trying to do everthing myself!

September 11, 2012 2 day down...

11th September 2012

2 days down…

2 days down…

 

Oh my goodness…what a long day!  As our day started at 6 am, what mom’s day doesn’t start that early or earlier? My man  had to be at the hospital at 7:30, babies at school by 7:45, back home to get Trevor pepcid, HOLY COW…Eli forgot his English book, back to TCA.  I think I used more gas driving 15 miles, 3 times in an hour, good thing I have Kroger gas points!

I can not say “Thank You” so much to everyone who has prayed, showed up, called, text, sent cards, plants and the Southern Baptist favorite-FOOD, during the past week.  My daddy was such a blessing and I had forgotten how much of a man he was because the past few years of illness had taken the Christian, generous, God-fearing, compassionate man from me.  He left a legacy that I had to be reminded of, thank you to all of you that reminded me of the man he was.  I was so blessed, does that make a lot of sense? To be a part of last weeks “festivities” with all of my siblings as we gathered together to talk about “Maurice-isms” such as, “that was so nasty, it would gag a goat”, “don’t you lie to me, gonna have to have Mrs. Cook call the dog because the dog knows you’re lying”, “get a switch”, “she’s so ugly make a freight train take a dirt road”, or “ugly as a mud fence” (we’re a vain family), “dumb as a rock”, “take your right hand and put it on your left ear, take your left hand and put it on your right ear, now pull your head out of your hind end!”.  We tried to keep score to see who had one that wasn’t on any of the others list… no one won, we all had the same ones and a lot more than what I’ve listed.  And miracle of miracles there weren’t any buttons pushed and no screaming matches, no one left angry swearing they would never speak again…it was truly a blessing especially with us 5!

Well as we embarked on this new adventure of cancer treatment, I was a little apprehensive on how much fun we would really have, man am I glad I paced myself for it all!  Trevor started his radiation yesterday, he said it was “FINE”… then went and finished laying a hardwood floor.  Today, he did radiation at 9:30 and then IV fluids started about 10.  Then he had to have a test dose with one of the chemo drugs to see if he would have an allergic reaction, like anaphalactic shock!  The crash cart was outside his door and we didn’t know that until later in the afternoon.  Once he passed that test, that drug had to be mixed (takes 30-45 minutes to get it from pharmacy).  Once that starts, it lasts about an hour with nurse in the room taking his blood pressure every 5 minutes.  More IV fluids for the next drug.  The next drug takes about 2 hours to drip then has to have more IV fluids.  This drug is very hard on kidneys and bladder so they have encouraged lots of fluids.  Depending on how he feels tomorrow will depend on if he finishes the deer shooting house in my garage where my van sometimes parks.  If it’s finished that means I can get the lawn mower out to mow the yard and get my dose of Vitamin D that I’ve missed out on over the past couple of weeks.  A girl needs her Vit-D to feel good about her cute pedicured feet!

We have a friend from college that is an Oncologist Pharmacist, it’s always good to have a pharmacist in your circle of friends.  She had sent us TONS of information on the drugs that Trevor will be taking over the next 7 weeks…THANKS MMY!  Trevor was more prepared since he had studied some of the material last night.  They loaded his tail up with all kinds of drugs to help his body suppress any kind of allergic reaction, he was almost high with so much benadryl!  Then nausea medicine to help alleviate the side affects of large doses of chemo.  He feels really good right now.  He said that he is really tired, he’s not used to laying around all day doing nothing, and his joints hurt.  So again, thank you is not enough for all you prayer warriors that got us through today will mild to little anxiety.  Keep it up over the next 7 weeks.

We are 2 days closer to being cancer free.  Our prayer is that Trevor sustain his strength and his appetite.  We pray also that the burning in his throat that the doctors have told us will happen because of the radiation, does not hinder him from swallowing as much as we’ve been led to believe.  We have prayed with confidence that after this 7 weeks, Trevor is completely healed from cancer and any other randomness that may try to fall in his lap.  When his radiation is over that will have completed our year of random accidents!

On another random rabbit chase, today as I was waiting for Trevor while he did radiation.  I struck up a conversation with a volunteer and a grand daughter in the radiation department.  There was a lady that had just left her radiation.  She had brain cancer…she had to have teeth removed and the cancer took it’s place.  Her face is swollen, she has lost a large amount of her hearing and can’t eat.  She is taking radiation to slow the cancer growth down.  The doctors have said she has a minimal amount of time to love on her man and her babies.  2 months ago she was a 41 year old mom of an 8 year old daughter and a 9 month old baby…Her husband made the comment that this weekend as they were having a fund raiser at their house to raise money to take care of medical expenses and pay for her future burial, their house was struck by lightening, blew the freezer out and they lost all their frozen food…AND his brother had a stroke at the family event…Job crossed my mind.  Pray for this family, all I know is they are from Bolivar (a small town in West Tennessee).  Pray that GOD shows up in a big way and that when he does, they recognize it and are blessed.

I John 5:14-15  This is the confidence we have before HIM, that if we ask anything according to HIS will, HE hears us.  And if we know that HE hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests we have asked from HIM.

Amen and AMEN!

September 4, 2012 Blessings in disguise...

4th September 2012

Blessings in disguise…

If you haven’t heard via, fb, my friends or family members my daddy passed away this morning.  It is bittersweet…He was 71, so young and yet his body had aged from years of poor choices.
Daddy had diabetes and heart disease.  He had smoked for as long as I can remember and I’m 41.  If you asked him if he smoked he would say, “I only smoke 3 cigarettes a day”…I would say “Daddy it’s a yes/no question after you answer yes/no then the doctor will ask you how many”.  He had been diagnosed with diabetes probably 15 years ago and he said he controlled it with “a little white pill”.  In his mind if he took the pill he could still eat what he wanted.  Genetics also play into this, but my 96 year old granddaddy controls his diabetes by watching his diet and taking his medication properly.  I do have animosity toward my daddy because he chose to live his life and in choosing how he lived it he chose how he died.

When he started having TIA’s several years ago, a little bit of him died then.  A little bit of brutal honesty hidden in humor, “that woman is so fat if you told her to leave it would take her 2 trips just to get her butt out the door”.  After quadruple by-pass surgery a little bit of his confidence was gone.  Then after years more of uncontrolled diabetes and a major stroke, more humor gone and replaced with hatefulness.  The sad part about that is he really didn’t see himself as being hateful.  He was living on an emotional roller coaster.  My aunt finally got him on meds for his “blood pressure”, really for his depression.  He swore he wasn’t depressed.  But when he would start to get laugh or smile you would notice he would turn away with tears in his eyes.

The man the people knew was funny, he was generous, he was a Dixie Youth baseball coach and he was a good one, even when his teams lost.  There are adults walking around that probably need therapy because he would have them take his shoe off and his left foot would come off with it.  He would holler and make a big commotion as if an 8 year old child really could pull his foot off of his body.  He got his left foot mashed off in a work accident at International Harvester 45 years ago and never stopped living.  He still played sports.  He was an avid softball player, a catcher.  He was all about encouraging every kid on the team, even the short fat kid that “couldn’t catch a cold in the rain wearing only his underwear”!  His public persona was almost larger than life.  But when his body was beginning to succumb to diabetes and heart disease that larger than life man, became a very small angry person trapped inside his emotions.

There are 5 Harchfield children and we were raised “sparing the rod, spoiled the child”, “that for every choice you make good, bad or indifferent there is ALWAYS a price to pay”…I added…”you may not have to pay today, but one day the piper is gonna come a callin”.  If you come home late, the door was locked, if you drive fast you WILL get a ticket…If you choose to smoke and have poor eating habits, genetics will come a callin and heart disease and diabetes will want to be paid!  We are all dealing with daddy’s death differently.  When I visited daddy, I never left anything unsaid.  My brother’s and my sister and my mom are hurting and it hurts me that they are dealing with this.  I’m angered that daddy robbed my brothers, my sister, my kids, neices and nephew and my mom of getting to grow old with them and laughing at his silliness.  Instead we are mourning a man that was robbed of life because of diabetes and heart disease.
But anger aside, I’m dealing, my daddy impacted so many other lives.  He and my mom raised me to be a Godly, confident woman…They raised 4 other children in the Lord’s house. We were raised with appreciation for what we had and not what we didn’t, “can’t miss what you never had”.  I am grateful for his support and encouragement when he gave it.  He was an emotional man that didn’t know how to express himself.  To show sadness or grief was weakness, strong men don’t weep.  He wept when he knew he wasn’t succeeding at beating his body at diabetes or heart disease.

As I told my babies of his passing this morning I told them that he was in Heaven walking around with 2 feet, his own teeth.  That he is now healthy strong man, singing (and he had a great voice) with the angels.  Neely says he’s wearing a man dress because he’s an angel…I know he’s laughing out loud about that.

II Timothy 4:7-8  “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”

My daddy did fight the good fight and he has finished his race and now he is receiving his crown…How AWESOME!