Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Man, that's not what I was looking for...I was looking for the verse in Matthew about being the salt of the earth and losing it's saltiness because Trevor has lost his sense of taste. Instead, as I was looking for what I WANTED, it seems that my sweet Heavenly Father has a word for me about unwholesome word...The irony in this verse being "found" today was that my mom just told me today, that I had become abrasive! I know those of you that have spoken to me in the past month don't believe that and you all know that my mom is crazy! If I wake up tonight from hearing hysterical laughs from a certain group of baseball moms or 4 specific relatives I'll know that you agree. Just like I told my mom, I know that I'm abrasive, it's not an act all the time. There are certain situations that call for me taking a tone.
For example, when my husband has to be admitted last Friday week for dehydration. I call the nurse and I explain to her the situation of my husband not being able to tolerate food or Zofran. (If this is news to you, read previous post.) The nurse gives me the run around and acts like she is about to take a "you're so dumb" tone with me. I did tell her that the drugs I was asking about were referred to me, I did not tell her by an Oncology Pharmacist THAT SEES PATIENTS WITH DOCTORS IN A NATIONAL CANCER CENTER!!!!! She begins questioning the validity of me asking about these drugs and "we don't prescribe those kinds of drugs", like I was asking for marijuana...and I'm not above it. When I change tactics and aske her "if this was your husband, what would you do?" She all of a sudden does a 360 and starts treating me like I was a concerned, loving wife that is beside herself because there is nothing I can do to make my husband better-NOTHING. She tells me she would have this drug and this drug and this procedure and "please let me know if there is anything else we can do to help Trevor"! OMGoodness, I kept by abrasive tongue in my head although I wanted to jump through the phone and squeeze her neck until my hand cramped. That could probably be stated more sweetly and non-abrasive like, but I'm not posting just for you. This is also therapy for me and trying to see that you all get the same information.
Anyway, Trevor has lost quite a bit of weight. His taste buds are changing and are being burned from the radiation. Things either taste really bad or burn his mouth. I made him a smoothie with a Boost protein drink that is lactose free with Silk, instead of milk and Rice Dream, instead of ice cream. We are trying to reduce the amount of dairy he takes in because it make him phlegmy and phlegm makes him gag then leads to throwing up. Moving on, he had one "swig" and threw it up before it went all the way down. He said it tasted like his radiation. He did get some mouth rinse that is suppposed to numb his mouth so that he can eat and it not hurt as bad and not really taste it either. But plan B is the feeding tube and that will keep him nourished.
I think plan B should be implemented 2 weeks ago, but he doesn't want to have a procedure that "he may not need". I can see the rational in that and I'm trying to be supportive, but let's review Ephesians 4:29...this is where I'm being nailed. I've tried really hard to have the appropriate word for the occasion but in this instance, there really isn't an appropriate time for me to say "so what about that feeding tube". I hate to see him struggle. I hate to see him hurting physically and emotionally. I hate that I can't DO anything to make him better or at least FEEL better.
I don't think I'm not compassionate or that I'm abrasive all the time. I am compassionate to the situation as well as abrasive in the opposite situation. I'm a doer...this sitting and watching and waiting is pulling on me in a bad kinda way. I can't even put on my tennis shoes to go for a brisk walk on this 2nd day of fall because of my still jacked up foot. So I either need more appropriate moments to be abrasive or need to stay in the word a whole lot more. The second probably would be the best route for better feedback in appropriate situations, but let's be real. Just because that's what I should do, doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
When I do sit down for my quiet time, my mind wanders to La-La land. My son and I should by a vacation home there, we both seem to travel there at times when we should be somewhere else like in the Lord's word or English/Reading class. 2 weeks ago Eli traveled to La-La land during an open book assignment and came home with a 75. I went monkey-butt crazy on his tail. I told him that if he brought home another open book assignment that was not an A, I would wear him out. He would have to choose something to give up with all of his exra-curriculars or I would do it and then he would have to call the appropriate extra-curricular director. So this week he comes home with a 65 on an open book assignment. His teacher wrote "65 oops!" 65 OOPS! is Eli being lazy and I'm tired of it. If he didn't know the material and it wasn't open book, that would be a whole different ball game. So, I wore his bottom out, while he tried to squeeze out tears, (my son is almost as tall as I am). He had to call all of the extra-curricular directors and tell them all that he would not be participating this week because he had bad grades.
He chose to tell them he had bad grades, rather than he was fighting a severe case of Lazy! Actually he's only had 2 bad grades and one was the week before last when I warned him of what would happen if he chose to be lazy again. The other was last week, when he chose to be lazy again. He had all A's until those 2 bouts of laziness over took him. Now he has 4 A's and 2 B's. When I made him make the calls to extra-curricular directors, I think that hurt him more than the physical spanking I gave him. He didn't have to try to squeeze out tears, they came natural. I hope we have taken care of Lazy-itis for the 4th grade year. This week will resume his daily, busy, extra-curricular laden week and he is so excited.
Now for a little light hearted laugh...ya'll will laugh, I did not! So Trevor gets his mouth wash that will numb his mouth so he can eat and I thaw chicken legs for supper. A good barbequed chicken leg on the grill, always taste good. So as I was letting the cheese from the cheeseburgers we had last week burn off, I close the lid to the grill and go back in the house. Probably 10 minutes later I go check on the grill to find it's burning. The grill is now on fire on the outside. I'm panicked on the inside, but I don't want to become hysterical in front of the kids and seem like I'm overreacting to Trevor. I go to get Trevor and tell him that I need him for a minute. When he sees the grill, he turns the gas off but it keeps burning and now is almost engulfed in flames. He turns the water hose on and puts the flames out. The gas line from the grill to the gas tank had caught on fire and was burning, it's a wonder I didn't blow the house up trying to grill chicken. So instead of the ultimate grilled barbecue chicken leg, we have baked chicken.
Please continue to pray for Trevor, for his strength as he begins week 3 of radiation and chemo. He wants me to let him know if he becomes ill or depressed...I guess I better take note of his moods better. I thought that we both became depressed when he was diagnosed with cancer! Pray that we both will have a word to share with those around us that is meant to encourage and will be a Godly word for those that it's been prepared for.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. For your words of wisdom and even reproach, your words have not fallen of deaf ears. Thank you for the food! My children and I are not going to starve to death, that's for sure. Thank you for your gifts of kindness and generosity.
Angi
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