Over the past 14 months I've been living with the anticipation of the "other shoe dropping". Ever since the deer stand altercation that my husband and son walked away from...eventually, I've been waiting for something else to happen. So Trevor's never-ending sinus infection leads to cancer, my daddy dies, my grandfather dies, my husband goes through 7 weeks of chemo and radiation and I continue to anticipate, what I don't know.
Even as I pray for strength, complete healing of my husband, my children and their emotional stability with my germ quirks I feel that if I'm prepared for the worst it won't happen. I don't want to imagine the worst but if I'm emotionally prepared, it'll "never" happen. So in our neck of the woods, the flu, strep throat and stomach bug have been running ramped in our school and church. School was called last week on Tuesday for a flu epidemic, instead of using snow days for snow, days were used for recuperation of viruses. When I heard that these illnesses had invaded our school, I started germ-Xing my kids as well as the babies that carpool with us. I started making my babies strip down in the garage and get in the shower then they could go outside and play and shower again after supper. Dry skin never killed anybody and build character!
We had our flu vaccinations and I'm not really concerned that me or my babies will get the flu, but I just can't handle the idea of bringing those nasty bugs home to infect my man. If I can control it, I will. But when he went to Wal-Mart I realized I can try to control what the babies and I bring in but I can't control what he picks up on his own. I've tried to relax with the germ-X and showers but I still don't want to expose Trevor...that would be the other shoe dropping. If I could have prevented him from having to battle anything else and I didn't and he got sick I don't know that I would have handled it with a smile on my face.
On Tuesday, after we had gone back to school on Monday after being out 3 days last week I get a phone call from school. When I see Trinity Christian Academy on my caller id, my stomach clinches up. My friend is a professional sub at our school, as well as being a room mom, and very involved in our PAWS organization, so when it's her voice I hear I'm almost relieved until she says "Eli got hurt on the playground..." She proceeds to tell me how he was playing and dove into the monkey bars. The school nurse checked him out and he seems fine but he feels "queasy". I begin to pray as I frantically, but in a calm fashion, drive to school praying that Eli is okay. I pray that he doesn't have a concussion, that he doesn't have the flu or stomach bug, that he doesn't have a head/neck injury. I pray that he is okay, but that this is the other shoe dropping, lightly.
I pick him up with a goose-egg on his head. He feels fine and starts telling me the whole story. He was playing tag and dove between the monkey bars to tag a little girl. Instead of diving between, he dove into head first. He said when he finally got up his eyes were "sparkly". It wasn't until after recess when he was sitting in Math class that his stomach started feeling "queasy". I got him home and showered. He got all his homework done and got caught up on the History channels show "Finding Bigfoot". He questions the reasoning behind Santa (there is a Santa) and can defend all the crazies that are hunting Big Foot (there is no such thing as Big Foot). He's fine. I'm thinking that probably isn't the other shoe dropping, we still have to make it to Thursday (today).
Tuesday Trevor had a CAT scan with contrast as his chemo doctor ordered before we see him for his post chemo check-up. Last night we were discussing things we wanted to talk to his doctors about at his follow-up appointments. I told him I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I was anxious about these appointments. If I am emotionally prepared for not good news, not necessarily bad news, but maybe news that might involve another obstacle for us to cross before this cancer incident is over. I told him that I felt overwhelmed with more information being given to us about maintenance chemo but any other information that may be delivered to us. I was exhausted when I went to bed because of the needless worry.
So today when I get up earlier than usual and run behind as if I got up really late, I had a yucky headache. Today was the Christmas program for the elementary at TCA and Trevor and I went before the doctors appointments started. Trevor's first appointment was with his chemo doctor who had the results from his CAT scan. This is the other shoe dropping...all of his scans and blood work come back CANCER FREE!!!!! The doctor proceeds to tell us that this is step one in declaring Trevor in remission. To continue on this healing path, maintenance chemo is strongly recommended. December 28 we will meet again with this doctor to set up maintenance to begin in the new year. Talk about New Year's Resolutions: To give it ALL to God, it's easier on the nerves!
The next appointment is with the radiation oncologist. He evaluates Trevor's nasal-pharynx and also sees no signs of cancer! Now Trevor is working on getting his mouth healed so that he can ingest anything but water without gagging or a burning sensation. He still has the feeding tube and has to eat every 3 hours, kinda like a newborn. Tomorrow night is his PT department's Christmas party with lots of great food that I'm going to love while Trevor sits and watches us all eat, drink and be merry. We will stay for 3 hours and come home so he can get some nutrition of his own. I am so excited about going out with my man.
The kids and I were talking today after car pool about how the past 4 months have flown by but have felt endless. We discussed how everything has worked out with their dad from him being so sick to now not having cancer. Eli commented on how God has blessed his dad with healing, how God has worked through each one of us, my son is so wise. I learn from him daily. My children and their wisdom is the other shoe that dropped today as we all rejoiced in the healing of Trevor!
Thank you for all of your prayers, we have been blessed.
Psalms 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord give grace and glory; He does not withhold the good from those who live with integrity."
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks
I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks: My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter. I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving has a ten...
A Season of Thanks
My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter. I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving has a tendency to be overlooked because people are busy shuffling from place to place to eat so that they can hurry up, psych themselves up/out to shop on black Friday...crazy, I tell ya! When I was a youngster, we would have Thanksgiving at my aunt's house in Savannah or at my grandmother's. I remember Thanksgivings in Savannah because my aunt's house was HUGE! It was, maybe still is, on the historic tour of homes. It is a very old house (1800's old) and has so many bedrooms, closet/rooms, parlors and porches and only 2 bathrooms! My Aunt Shirley made homemade fresh coconut cake every year and it sat on the back porch where it was cool. My Aunt Lenvil made corn bread dressing and oyster dressing, turkey and the trimmings. My mom made sweet potato casserole with large marshmallows. There was always the nasty green bean casserole, asparagus casserole, Waldorf salad, pistachio salad, corn souffle, cranberry sauce, pecan pies, pumpkin pies, chocolate pies...there was tons of food.
The day after Thanksgiving, if my aunt and uncle stayed with my grandmother, we would start making candy for Christmas. LOTS of chocolate involved! It's all different now as I'm a parent and have Trevor's family. We still have Thanksgiving lunch with my family and this year we gave Thanks with my mom's only living sister and my cousin here in Jackson and my cousin we only see at Thanksgiving or at the funeral home. Lucky us, we got to see him twice this year! It was a feast to rival the Thanksgiving dinners of our childhood. For supper we go to Trevor's family and eat after all the guys come in from deer hunting. I love and appreciate the traditions that were formed when I was a child but I love the traditions that Trevor and I have started with our babies that they can continue when they are momma's and daddy's.
This Thanksgiving we all ate, Trevor had his formula through his feeding tube, until we were stuffed at lunch and dinner. As I was driving the hour and a half to Big Sandy from Jackson, I heard a statistic stating the average adult gains 3 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's. 3?! That's it?! I said that I wouldn't be one of those statistics, so far so good, no pounds gained. It's not really a feat at this point though. I really don't enjoy eating by myself and Trevor hasn't gotten to where he likes anything yet so he isn't taking anything in through his mouth. He says that broths or soups tastes like cardboard. Noodles from chicken noodle soup are "rubbery". Or the blandest of foods burn his mouth.
We were watching television and a Taco Bell commercial came on and he said that he thought, whatever the commercial was for, sounded "really good". I guess that's a start when food commercials sound good. He has taken to watching Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" to the point that he's seen reruns 2-3 times. He's also taken to watching that show on the travel channel about the guy that eats an exorbitant amount of food for something dumb like a t-shirt that should say "I LOVE to be miserably full", or "I Have Great Insurance and Am Trying To Have A Heart Attack!" He's an idiot...but he's a full idiot all the way to the bank!
Anyway, I enjoy Thanksgiving and this year was no different. I didn't eat like a glutton because who wants to eat in front of their spouse who can't take in anything through their mouth? If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you saw lots of people posting everyday about what they are thankful for. I am thankful for so much, I almost sound redundant saying anything. I'm so thankful for the gift of salvation and that I live in a country where I can share my salvation and not be persecuted or put to death. Our country is so blessed to have men and women that have fought and still fight for our freedom, our freedom to share our religious beliefs in public. Although, this freedom of church and state is being challenged and is being taken out of our schools and public places where God's word NEEDS to be shared and where the public NEEDS to be prayed for and over.
I am thankful for my babies and their souls. I'm thankful that TCA's elementary performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes" is over. It was fun while it lasted and Eli will be better prepared for next fall's performing arts production. I'm ever thankful for Christ's birth, death and resurrection for me and my babies and my man. I pray and thank God and continue to ask him to heal Trevor, completely. I pray that He would be glorified through this cancer situation. And many days if you've heard me on a rant, I get so frustrated because Trevor's healing can't come soon enough, I'm robbing myself of being blessed. But let me tell ya, I'm so tired of my man being bored out of his mind. I'm tired of him not liking the taste of anything and not eating. I'm tired of him being tired. I'm tired...
I'm thankful for the gift of Christian friendships for my babies at school and at church. My babies have been blessed with friends whose families have taken the time to teach them to pray. Families that encourage their own babies to pray for the strength of my children, the health of my man and the stability of our relationships. I praise God for Christian administrators, teachers and staff that have prayed for and with my children at school. I better stop or I'm liable to get political because my kids CAN be prayed for at any given time during the school day with a teacher or friend or as a teacher has told me, in the middle of class! Who-da thought "Religious Freedom" in a free nation..."One Nation Under God..."
As I catch myself going on a tear (tare), I'm thankful that Trevor's voice is back, that's always nice. It's hard to communicate/argue with someone that can't talk, won't text or write a note, he just kept quiet. For someone that is vocal and likes to be validated/or argued with, that was hard for me to not hear his voice. I'm thankful he doesn't have to get up 2-3 times an hour to spit, or wake up with his pillow wringing wet from drooling in the night. Now his mouth is as dry as it was salivating. The doctors told us that would happen, both are responses to the radiation. I'm thankful that Trevor is regaining his strength, although he has a tendency to overdo. He and Eli deer hunted Thanksgiving weekend, then duck hunted and when he got home he was wiped out. He has been trying to do more around the house because he's bored out of his mind, (he refuses to read or do a puzzle or take up a hobby like knitting). He will go until he can't go anymore and have to nap for a few hours.
Trevor's follow up appointments are next Thursday, (12/13). He will have another PET scan with contrast before he sees the chemo oncologist then the radiation oncologist. The PET scan will reveal if there is anymore cancer in his body and where. The chemo oncologist will prepare him for the maintenance chemo that will get rid of any cancer that happens to be leftover. From what we've been told during this protocol, Trevor will lose his hair. The hair that he's already lost has already started coming back in WHITE! He's also hoping to get more info on a timeline on returning to work.
I'm thankful for people like ya'll that read what I have to write and feel the need to pray. Your prayers have blessed us in ways that can only be attributed to God. I'm thankful for those of you that have nothing else to do but be nosey and find yourself reading this because whether you realize it or not God must have something He wants you to hear and He thinks you may get it from me...that's rich stuff!
The day after Thanksgiving, if my aunt and uncle stayed with my grandmother, we would start making candy for Christmas. LOTS of chocolate involved! It's all different now as I'm a parent and have Trevor's family. We still have Thanksgiving lunch with my family and this year we gave Thanks with my mom's only living sister and my cousin here in Jackson and my cousin we only see at Thanksgiving or at the funeral home. Lucky us, we got to see him twice this year! It was a feast to rival the Thanksgiving dinners of our childhood. For supper we go to Trevor's family and eat after all the guys come in from deer hunting. I love and appreciate the traditions that were formed when I was a child but I love the traditions that Trevor and I have started with our babies that they can continue when they are momma's and daddy's.
This Thanksgiving we all ate, Trevor had his formula through his feeding tube, until we were stuffed at lunch and dinner. As I was driving the hour and a half to Big Sandy from Jackson, I heard a statistic stating the average adult gains 3 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's. 3?! That's it?! I said that I wouldn't be one of those statistics, so far so good, no pounds gained. It's not really a feat at this point though. I really don't enjoy eating by myself and Trevor hasn't gotten to where he likes anything yet so he isn't taking anything in through his mouth. He says that broths or soups tastes like cardboard. Noodles from chicken noodle soup are "rubbery". Or the blandest of foods burn his mouth.
We were watching television and a Taco Bell commercial came on and he said that he thought, whatever the commercial was for, sounded "really good". I guess that's a start when food commercials sound good. He has taken to watching Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" to the point that he's seen reruns 2-3 times. He's also taken to watching that show on the travel channel about the guy that eats an exorbitant amount of food for something dumb like a t-shirt that should say "I LOVE to be miserably full", or "I Have Great Insurance and Am Trying To Have A Heart Attack!" He's an idiot...but he's a full idiot all the way to the bank!
Anyway, I enjoy Thanksgiving and this year was no different. I didn't eat like a glutton because who wants to eat in front of their spouse who can't take in anything through their mouth? If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you saw lots of people posting everyday about what they are thankful for. I am thankful for so much, I almost sound redundant saying anything. I'm so thankful for the gift of salvation and that I live in a country where I can share my salvation and not be persecuted or put to death. Our country is so blessed to have men and women that have fought and still fight for our freedom, our freedom to share our religious beliefs in public. Although, this freedom of church and state is being challenged and is being taken out of our schools and public places where God's word NEEDS to be shared and where the public NEEDS to be prayed for and over.
I am thankful for my babies and their souls. I'm thankful that TCA's elementary performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes" is over. It was fun while it lasted and Eli will be better prepared for next fall's performing arts production. I'm ever thankful for Christ's birth, death and resurrection for me and my babies and my man. I pray and thank God and continue to ask him to heal Trevor, completely. I pray that He would be glorified through this cancer situation. And many days if you've heard me on a rant, I get so frustrated because Trevor's healing can't come soon enough, I'm robbing myself of being blessed. But let me tell ya, I'm so tired of my man being bored out of his mind. I'm tired of him not liking the taste of anything and not eating. I'm tired of him being tired. I'm tired...
I'm thankful for the gift of Christian friendships for my babies at school and at church. My babies have been blessed with friends whose families have taken the time to teach them to pray. Families that encourage their own babies to pray for the strength of my children, the health of my man and the stability of our relationships. I praise God for Christian administrators, teachers and staff that have prayed for and with my children at school. I better stop or I'm liable to get political because my kids CAN be prayed for at any given time during the school day with a teacher or friend or as a teacher has told me, in the middle of class! Who-da thought "Religious Freedom" in a free nation..."One Nation Under God..."
As I catch myself going on a tear (tare), I'm thankful that Trevor's voice is back, that's always nice. It's hard to communicate/argue with someone that can't talk, won't text or write a note, he just kept quiet. For someone that is vocal and likes to be validated/or argued with, that was hard for me to not hear his voice. I'm thankful he doesn't have to get up 2-3 times an hour to spit, or wake up with his pillow wringing wet from drooling in the night. Now his mouth is as dry as it was salivating. The doctors told us that would happen, both are responses to the radiation. I'm thankful that Trevor is regaining his strength, although he has a tendency to overdo. He and Eli deer hunted Thanksgiving weekend, then duck hunted and when he got home he was wiped out. He has been trying to do more around the house because he's bored out of his mind, (he refuses to read or do a puzzle or take up a hobby like knitting). He will go until he can't go anymore and have to nap for a few hours.
Trevor's follow up appointments are next Thursday, (12/13). He will have another PET scan with contrast before he sees the chemo oncologist then the radiation oncologist. The PET scan will reveal if there is anymore cancer in his body and where. The chemo oncologist will prepare him for the maintenance chemo that will get rid of any cancer that happens to be leftover. From what we've been told during this protocol, Trevor will lose his hair. The hair that he's already lost has already started coming back in WHITE! He's also hoping to get more info on a timeline on returning to work.
I'm thankful for people like ya'll that read what I have to write and feel the need to pray. Your prayers have blessed us in ways that can only be attributed to God. I'm thankful for those of you that have nothing else to do but be nosey and find yourself reading this because whether you realize it or not God must have something He wants you to hear and He thinks you may get it from me...that's rich stuff!
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