Don't get all excited that I'm posting twice in less than 24 hours. Last night I was so tired from watching the Vols throw away another game, I couldn't even get the info out that was the whole purpose of me sitting down. Instead ya'll traveled down memory lane with me...thanks :) And now the NFL teams that I pull for have gotten beaten or are getting beaten...I'm not screaming at the TV because QB's can't seem to throw to their own receivers or receivers can't catch the ball at their chest numbers, but man it makes for a long weekend coaching from the couch!
So this is the information that I wanted to share with you and you can decide to pray for all, or pick one, whatever strikes your fancy.
#1 Wednesday, Trevor had his feeding tube placed in his belly. We were assuming that this would be an outpatient ordeal and found out Wednesday morning while going into surgery, his doctor opted to keep him overnight for observation. They wanted to be sure that his peg tube functioned properly and that the nutritionist came by to give him an informative on his diet. I picked the kids up from school and explained that their dad was staying overnight at the hospital and we would go hang out with him and skip church. Trevor and I had told them Tuesday night that he was getting a feeding tube to help with his nutrition because his throat and mouth were so sore from radiation. It wouldn't be any big deal, this is a temporary thing, probably for 6-7 weeks because he would have to let his mouth heal after radiation ended before he would be able to eat normally. Anyway, we are walking in the hospital and Neely asks, "do we need to go home and cut holes in all of my dad's shirts?" I was kinda confused by the question, but her translator was on hand and replied, "no sis, my dad can raise his shirt when he has to put stuff in his tube"! Why can I not keep it that simple? Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I thought that straight? I think as adults when we grow up, we sometimes grow dumb or grow to over think most everything in our daily lives. If I bought the groceries on the grocery list, my pantry would not be packed full of "good deals".
So Trevor has his feeding tube and is home. He came home Thursday afternoon and was so full from his noon feeding that he didn't feed again until Friday morning,(kinda sounds like he's a vampire with his feedings). His Friday morning feedings didn't go well at all! He fed and threw them up less than 30 minutes later. He said that if felt acidy as soon as it hit his stomach. So he got a different supplement delivered by a special lady from Medical Center Medical Products on her way home and now he is on his way to working up to 2200 calories/day. 2200 calories is easily taken in at one sitting with me and my babies and all of the meals that have been brought to us over the past 6 weeks. Please pray for his strength and maintaining a healthy weight. My man has lost approximately 27-30 pounds in the past 6 weeks and he doesn't look good from behind not having a hiney for me to ogle...Oh sorry, I'm sure that's TMI!
#2 Tomorrow starts week 4 in battling Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma...meaning we are 3 weeks away from being a cancer free family. I have claimed God's promises of healing already, but some of you may feel led to claim those same promises for me and maybe for your own family or another friend. God's word says in John 16 that for whatever we ask in His son's name, Jesus, He will give it to us. I have claimed that for my husband and for my children regarding their health and our future.
The people that Trevor has talked to that have fought this same battle have said that weeks 4-5 are pretty tough. So here we are on week 4's doorstep, I refuse to let what other people have told him or me determine how he may or may not feel. My goal is to keep OUR spirits high...strength and nutrition higher!
#3 Some of you may have heard or been invited on Facebook about the 5K Fun Run/Walk that some of Trevor's co-worker's are doing. If I can figure out how to add the information on here, I will. Anyway, it's Saturday, November 10 at Union University at 9 am. Registration begins at 8 or you can pre-register at www.racesonline.com, it's the Run Hard, Fight Harder 5K in Jackson TN, 38305 at Union University. Early registration is $20 by October 12 and guarantees a t-shirt. If you want to participate and can't be in Jackson, you can still register for the race and a t-shirt will be sent to you. Everyone NEEDS another t-shirt! Any other questions that I didn't answer contact Dabney Stewart at Dabney.Stewart@wth.org or Jenny Graves at Jenny.Graves@wth.org. There are prizes for the top male and female finishers. If you would rather not actively participate but be a sponsor and have your name or logo on the shirt, let Jenny or Dabney know.
Eli, Neely and I plan on participating. We are going to do the 1 mile walk, although Eli will probably run. For those of you that are not loosing sleep at night not worrying about my husband, the love of my life, the father of my sweet children having cancer but sleeping soundly and waking up in a cold sweat wondering "how in the world is Angi's foot from that horrible face plant 6 weeks ago in the TCA parking lot?" Ya'll can get some sound sleep now or take some sort of sleep aid if you're worried sick because I went to the doctor and I have a stress fracture and a strained foot. Let me tell you how hot I am in this black boot, seriously. Who would have thought 1 orthopedic boot could keep my basil metabolic temperature so high...I can wear less clothes because of this stinkin boot! And if my foot keeps sweating, it will be stinkin!
Thank you all for your continued prayers. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Thank you for going out of your way at the grocer's or at church or mailing cards or fb messages to say a word of encouragement to me and my family. Your words, gestures, cards, meals and prayers are greatly appreciated. We may never know everyone who has lifted us up to our Heavenly Father, but know that your prayers have carried us through the past 6 weeks.
With a heart full of Thanksgiving-angi
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
In the beginning...there was a deer stand
So where to begin, not the beginning that was almost a year ago. I'll have to post that one day when I have NOTHING ELSE TO DO, but I promise I will so that ya'll won't feel left out if you don't already know where this all began. Okay, you twisted my arm, picture it:
October 29, 2011, a crisp Saturday morning. The St. Louis Cardinals had just won the World Series the night before. It was opening day of juvenile hunt for deer season. Trevor and Eli were at his parent's house for the weekend and Neely and I were having "Girl Time". 8:40 a.m., Saturday morning Trevor calls home. He tells me to stay calm that there has been an accident...(even as I type this, I remember the whole in my stomach). He says he and Eli fell out of the deer stand that morning at 6. That Eli is okay, he is being life-flighted to Jackson. He tells me that Eli has a broken leg and has been awake the whole time. He is calm for a 9 year old that has fallen 16 feet, but he's in a helicopter so there are tons of cool point for a 3rd grader. Trevor's voice is shaking and I ask him if he is okay, he said that he's okay but his back hurts.
He tells me to get dressed that our nephew, who goes to school at Union University, is on his way to our house to stay with Neely until we know more on Eli's prognosis. I am to call him as soon as I get to Jackson General because Trevor wants to know who the attending orthopedic is on call. The thing with having a husband who works there is knowing who you want to see your son and who you don't. As soon as I hang up, the nephew is at my door. Let me tell you how wonderful this guy is...He is a Junior at the time, it's a Saturday morning for a college kid. He is at my door, dressed, and very composed. He had been called at 6:30 that morning and had been sworn to secrecy until "the" call had been made by Trevor to me.
I get to the hospital, Trevor calls and says that the hospital had refused Eli and they were taking him to LeBonheur. At the time, I was livid...deny him?! But now in retrospect, we are all good with that decision. Jackson General is a great hospital and has great physicians and a great cancer center but they are not a pediatric TRAUMA center. LeBonheur was the best choice all the way around. Eli said is was like staying in a hotel, except for having a broken leg! Anyway, I have to wait for Trevor and his parents to get to our house so that we can all go to Memphis together. I call my sister and tell her she needs to be at LeBonheur when Eli gets there. I don't want him there with no one there he doesn't know. She said, "I'm walking out the door!", and when we got there, she had literally been walking out the door. She is a great auntie!
Trevor and his parents get here, he can't pick his feet up to walk he's in so much pain. I don't know which was worst, the emotional pain he was trying to work through because he couldn't explain the fall or his back. Trevor is safety concious, especially with his children and the outdoors. He teaches them safety and respect for the outdoors and wildlife. Eli was already in the deer stand and Trevor was on the last wrung climbing into the stand to put their safety harnesses on when the stand shifted around the tree and tossed them both out. 16 feet down, in the pitch black, side by side they landed. Eli screamed his leg was broken and Trevor gets the wind knocked out of him. He has to crawl on all fours to find Eli in excruciating pain. Trevor explains to Eli how he's going to have to roll him on his back and how he's going to have to stabilize his leg with seat cushions and limbs. He tells Eli that this is like Bear Grylls or Survivorman, gotta keep it real! Trevor manages to get up on his feet and explain to Eli he's going to have to walk up the ridge to try and get cell coverage to call for help. God's hand is ALL UP IN THIS SITUATION!!! Where they hunt, there is very rarely cell coverage, depending on how high up the ridge you go or if the wind is blowing...the "Can You Hear Me Now" man could make his commercials there-sometimes!
Trevor walks about 20 yards and while he's walking away from Eli, he's trying to keep him talking. Eli is talking and hollers "Dad, did you hear that turkey? OH, my leg! Dad did you hear it? I heard that turkey again, OH my leg!" Trevor calls his mom, she calls for an ambulance and she and my father-in-law get in the vehicles to come help. A retired TWRA wildlife agent hears the ambulance call on the scanner and comes with his gator to help get them out. They meet the ambulance and take them back to where Trevor had parked but then they had to get on the gator with a stretcher, EMTs and get Eli. They load him up onto the gator, go to meet the ambulance and go out to a big field to meet the Air-Evac wing that the ambulance had called. Again, God is ALL UP IN THIS TOO! Usually when Air-Evac is called to Big Sandy, you have to get to the city park so that the helicopter can land in the ball field but where they were hunting there is a huge field that the helicopter landed in.
So Eli flew by helicopter to Memphis and Trevor refused treatment my EMS. He wasn't going to have anything done until Eli had been checked out. We get to LeBonheur, my sister was there before the helicopter landed and had prayed with our son and for our son. My mom got there and they both prayed again with Eli. Trevor and I got there with his parents and Eli was getting x-rays. Looking at him on that table, I think he had on every piece of camoflage on that he owned. Trevor said that Eli didn't want to get cold so he put it all on and the flight nurse had to cut all of it off! There were leaves everywhere, a deer could have walked in that room and no one would have seen if for the camoflage and leaves that Eli had on him.
When he saw me he said, "MOM, if you're here where's my sis?!, is she okay?" He called her and that was the end of hysteria for both of them. He was calm and it calmed her to hear his voice. I've been blessed to babies that love each other that much that they think of the other in dire circumstances. Moving on...Eli had a scrape all the way up his face, from his chin up his nose and his forehead. His nose was so swollen, I thought it was broken but they said no it was just swollen from kissing the ground. All along, my man is in excruciating pain. He can hardly move, he can't sit down at all because it hurt too bad and he was being torn up inside by watching his son hurt knowing he couldn't do anything to help, but pray.
Eli went into surgery to put a nail into his left femur because it was broken in 3 places. The orthopedic surgeon we saw is a great man, Dr. Jeffrey Sawyer with Campbell's Clinic. And since we have been released from his care in August, there have been 2 other people that we know that see him. He sees pediatric patients and has the greatest bedside manner. After he was done with Eli, he sent Trevor to Methodist University hospital for treatment. Saturday night in Memphis, full moon, Halloween weekend...you can picture that emergency room and if you can't find an old episode of ER and you'll get a good picture. Trevor had sustained 3 compression fractures to his back.
So here we are 11 months out and his back is much better, although lots of riding will wear it out and it will start to tighten up. But during this whole tree stand altercation, he had a sinus infection that we had been treating with sinus/allergy medicine. We both have seasonal allergies and they start when farmers start cutting beans or when Trevor starts preparing his deer plots. 11 months ago he had a sinus infection that kind of lingered until we found out in August that the sinus infection that would not completely go away was cancer...
Please pray for Trevor's strength. His endurance over the next 7 weeks. His emotional strength as he continues to be an encouraging, loving father but is becoming very tired because of the chemo and radiation that has a cumulative affect. The more treatments he undergoes, the more it builds up and the tiredness will linger a little longer after each treatment.
Nehemiah1:11-"O Lord, I beseech you, may your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant and the prayer of your servants who delight to revere your name, and make your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man."
October 29, 2011, a crisp Saturday morning. The St. Louis Cardinals had just won the World Series the night before. It was opening day of juvenile hunt for deer season. Trevor and Eli were at his parent's house for the weekend and Neely and I were having "Girl Time". 8:40 a.m., Saturday morning Trevor calls home. He tells me to stay calm that there has been an accident...(even as I type this, I remember the whole in my stomach). He says he and Eli fell out of the deer stand that morning at 6. That Eli is okay, he is being life-flighted to Jackson. He tells me that Eli has a broken leg and has been awake the whole time. He is calm for a 9 year old that has fallen 16 feet, but he's in a helicopter so there are tons of cool point for a 3rd grader. Trevor's voice is shaking and I ask him if he is okay, he said that he's okay but his back hurts.
He tells me to get dressed that our nephew, who goes to school at Union University, is on his way to our house to stay with Neely until we know more on Eli's prognosis. I am to call him as soon as I get to Jackson General because Trevor wants to know who the attending orthopedic is on call. The thing with having a husband who works there is knowing who you want to see your son and who you don't. As soon as I hang up, the nephew is at my door. Let me tell you how wonderful this guy is...He is a Junior at the time, it's a Saturday morning for a college kid. He is at my door, dressed, and very composed. He had been called at 6:30 that morning and had been sworn to secrecy until "the" call had been made by Trevor to me.
I get to the hospital, Trevor calls and says that the hospital had refused Eli and they were taking him to LeBonheur. At the time, I was livid...deny him?! But now in retrospect, we are all good with that decision. Jackson General is a great hospital and has great physicians and a great cancer center but they are not a pediatric TRAUMA center. LeBonheur was the best choice all the way around. Eli said is was like staying in a hotel, except for having a broken leg! Anyway, I have to wait for Trevor and his parents to get to our house so that we can all go to Memphis together. I call my sister and tell her she needs to be at LeBonheur when Eli gets there. I don't want him there with no one there he doesn't know. She said, "I'm walking out the door!", and when we got there, she had literally been walking out the door. She is a great auntie!
Trevor and his parents get here, he can't pick his feet up to walk he's in so much pain. I don't know which was worst, the emotional pain he was trying to work through because he couldn't explain the fall or his back. Trevor is safety concious, especially with his children and the outdoors. He teaches them safety and respect for the outdoors and wildlife. Eli was already in the deer stand and Trevor was on the last wrung climbing into the stand to put their safety harnesses on when the stand shifted around the tree and tossed them both out. 16 feet down, in the pitch black, side by side they landed. Eli screamed his leg was broken and Trevor gets the wind knocked out of him. He has to crawl on all fours to find Eli in excruciating pain. Trevor explains to Eli how he's going to have to roll him on his back and how he's going to have to stabilize his leg with seat cushions and limbs. He tells Eli that this is like Bear Grylls or Survivorman, gotta keep it real! Trevor manages to get up on his feet and explain to Eli he's going to have to walk up the ridge to try and get cell coverage to call for help. God's hand is ALL UP IN THIS SITUATION!!! Where they hunt, there is very rarely cell coverage, depending on how high up the ridge you go or if the wind is blowing...the "Can You Hear Me Now" man could make his commercials there-sometimes!
Trevor walks about 20 yards and while he's walking away from Eli, he's trying to keep him talking. Eli is talking and hollers "Dad, did you hear that turkey? OH, my leg! Dad did you hear it? I heard that turkey again, OH my leg!" Trevor calls his mom, she calls for an ambulance and she and my father-in-law get in the vehicles to come help. A retired TWRA wildlife agent hears the ambulance call on the scanner and comes with his gator to help get them out. They meet the ambulance and take them back to where Trevor had parked but then they had to get on the gator with a stretcher, EMTs and get Eli. They load him up onto the gator, go to meet the ambulance and go out to a big field to meet the Air-Evac wing that the ambulance had called. Again, God is ALL UP IN THIS TOO! Usually when Air-Evac is called to Big Sandy, you have to get to the city park so that the helicopter can land in the ball field but where they were hunting there is a huge field that the helicopter landed in.
So Eli flew by helicopter to Memphis and Trevor refused treatment my EMS. He wasn't going to have anything done until Eli had been checked out. We get to LeBonheur, my sister was there before the helicopter landed and had prayed with our son and for our son. My mom got there and they both prayed again with Eli. Trevor and I got there with his parents and Eli was getting x-rays. Looking at him on that table, I think he had on every piece of camoflage on that he owned. Trevor said that Eli didn't want to get cold so he put it all on and the flight nurse had to cut all of it off! There were leaves everywhere, a deer could have walked in that room and no one would have seen if for the camoflage and leaves that Eli had on him.
When he saw me he said, "MOM, if you're here where's my sis?!, is she okay?" He called her and that was the end of hysteria for both of them. He was calm and it calmed her to hear his voice. I've been blessed to babies that love each other that much that they think of the other in dire circumstances. Moving on...Eli had a scrape all the way up his face, from his chin up his nose and his forehead. His nose was so swollen, I thought it was broken but they said no it was just swollen from kissing the ground. All along, my man is in excruciating pain. He can hardly move, he can't sit down at all because it hurt too bad and he was being torn up inside by watching his son hurt knowing he couldn't do anything to help, but pray.
Eli went into surgery to put a nail into his left femur because it was broken in 3 places. The orthopedic surgeon we saw is a great man, Dr. Jeffrey Sawyer with Campbell's Clinic. And since we have been released from his care in August, there have been 2 other people that we know that see him. He sees pediatric patients and has the greatest bedside manner. After he was done with Eli, he sent Trevor to Methodist University hospital for treatment. Saturday night in Memphis, full moon, Halloween weekend...you can picture that emergency room and if you can't find an old episode of ER and you'll get a good picture. Trevor had sustained 3 compression fractures to his back.
So here we are 11 months out and his back is much better, although lots of riding will wear it out and it will start to tighten up. But during this whole tree stand altercation, he had a sinus infection that we had been treating with sinus/allergy medicine. We both have seasonal allergies and they start when farmers start cutting beans or when Trevor starts preparing his deer plots. 11 months ago he had a sinus infection that kind of lingered until we found out in August that the sinus infection that would not completely go away was cancer...
Please pray for Trevor's strength. His endurance over the next 7 weeks. His emotional strength as he continues to be an encouraging, loving father but is becoming very tired because of the chemo and radiation that has a cumulative affect. The more treatments he undergoes, the more it builds up and the tiredness will linger a little longer after each treatment.
Nehemiah1:11-"O Lord, I beseech you, may your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servant and the prayer of your servants who delight to revere your name, and make your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man."
Sunday, September 23, 2012
UGH...Conviction...GAH!!!
Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Man, that's not what I was looking for...I was looking for the verse in Matthew about being the salt of the earth and losing it's saltiness because Trevor has lost his sense of taste. Instead, as I was looking for what I WANTED, it seems that my sweet Heavenly Father has a word for me about unwholesome word...The irony in this verse being "found" today was that my mom just told me today, that I had become abrasive! I know those of you that have spoken to me in the past month don't believe that and you all know that my mom is crazy! If I wake up tonight from hearing hysterical laughs from a certain group of baseball moms or 4 specific relatives I'll know that you agree. Just like I told my mom, I know that I'm abrasive, it's not an act all the time. There are certain situations that call for me taking a tone.
For example, when my husband has to be admitted last Friday week for dehydration. I call the nurse and I explain to her the situation of my husband not being able to tolerate food or Zofran. (If this is news to you, read previous post.) The nurse gives me the run around and acts like she is about to take a "you're so dumb" tone with me. I did tell her that the drugs I was asking about were referred to me, I did not tell her by an Oncology Pharmacist THAT SEES PATIENTS WITH DOCTORS IN A NATIONAL CANCER CENTER!!!!! She begins questioning the validity of me asking about these drugs and "we don't prescribe those kinds of drugs", like I was asking for marijuana...and I'm not above it. When I change tactics and aske her "if this was your husband, what would you do?" She all of a sudden does a 360 and starts treating me like I was a concerned, loving wife that is beside herself because there is nothing I can do to make my husband better-NOTHING. She tells me she would have this drug and this drug and this procedure and "please let me know if there is anything else we can do to help Trevor"! OMGoodness, I kept by abrasive tongue in my head although I wanted to jump through the phone and squeeze her neck until my hand cramped. That could probably be stated more sweetly and non-abrasive like, but I'm not posting just for you. This is also therapy for me and trying to see that you all get the same information.
Anyway, Trevor has lost quite a bit of weight. His taste buds are changing and are being burned from the radiation. Things either taste really bad or burn his mouth. I made him a smoothie with a Boost protein drink that is lactose free with Silk, instead of milk and Rice Dream, instead of ice cream. We are trying to reduce the amount of dairy he takes in because it make him phlegmy and phlegm makes him gag then leads to throwing up. Moving on, he had one "swig" and threw it up before it went all the way down. He said it tasted like his radiation. He did get some mouth rinse that is suppposed to numb his mouth so that he can eat and it not hurt as bad and not really taste it either. But plan B is the feeding tube and that will keep him nourished.
I think plan B should be implemented 2 weeks ago, but he doesn't want to have a procedure that "he may not need". I can see the rational in that and I'm trying to be supportive, but let's review Ephesians 4:29...this is where I'm being nailed. I've tried really hard to have the appropriate word for the occasion but in this instance, there really isn't an appropriate time for me to say "so what about that feeding tube". I hate to see him struggle. I hate to see him hurting physically and emotionally. I hate that I can't DO anything to make him better or at least FEEL better.
I don't think I'm not compassionate or that I'm abrasive all the time. I am compassionate to the situation as well as abrasive in the opposite situation. I'm a doer...this sitting and watching and waiting is pulling on me in a bad kinda way. I can't even put on my tennis shoes to go for a brisk walk on this 2nd day of fall because of my still jacked up foot. So I either need more appropriate moments to be abrasive or need to stay in the word a whole lot more. The second probably would be the best route for better feedback in appropriate situations, but let's be real. Just because that's what I should do, doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
When I do sit down for my quiet time, my mind wanders to La-La land. My son and I should by a vacation home there, we both seem to travel there at times when we should be somewhere else like in the Lord's word or English/Reading class. 2 weeks ago Eli traveled to La-La land during an open book assignment and came home with a 75. I went monkey-butt crazy on his tail. I told him that if he brought home another open book assignment that was not an A, I would wear him out. He would have to choose something to give up with all of his exra-curriculars or I would do it and then he would have to call the appropriate extra-curricular director. So this week he comes home with a 65 on an open book assignment. His teacher wrote "65 oops!" 65 OOPS! is Eli being lazy and I'm tired of it. If he didn't know the material and it wasn't open book, that would be a whole different ball game. So, I wore his bottom out, while he tried to squeeze out tears, (my son is almost as tall as I am). He had to call all of the extra-curricular directors and tell them all that he would not be participating this week because he had bad grades.
He chose to tell them he had bad grades, rather than he was fighting a severe case of Lazy! Actually he's only had 2 bad grades and one was the week before last when I warned him of what would happen if he chose to be lazy again. The other was last week, when he chose to be lazy again. He had all A's until those 2 bouts of laziness over took him. Now he has 4 A's and 2 B's. When I made him make the calls to extra-curricular directors, I think that hurt him more than the physical spanking I gave him. He didn't have to try to squeeze out tears, they came natural. I hope we have taken care of Lazy-itis for the 4th grade year. This week will resume his daily, busy, extra-curricular laden week and he is so excited.
Now for a little light hearted laugh...ya'll will laugh, I did not! So Trevor gets his mouth wash that will numb his mouth so he can eat and I thaw chicken legs for supper. A good barbequed chicken leg on the grill, always taste good. So as I was letting the cheese from the cheeseburgers we had last week burn off, I close the lid to the grill and go back in the house. Probably 10 minutes later I go check on the grill to find it's burning. The grill is now on fire on the outside. I'm panicked on the inside, but I don't want to become hysterical in front of the kids and seem like I'm overreacting to Trevor. I go to get Trevor and tell him that I need him for a minute. When he sees the grill, he turns the gas off but it keeps burning and now is almost engulfed in flames. He turns the water hose on and puts the flames out. The gas line from the grill to the gas tank had caught on fire and was burning, it's a wonder I didn't blow the house up trying to grill chicken. So instead of the ultimate grilled barbecue chicken leg, we have baked chicken.
Please continue to pray for Trevor, for his strength as he begins week 3 of radiation and chemo. He wants me to let him know if he becomes ill or depressed...I guess I better take note of his moods better. I thought that we both became depressed when he was diagnosed with cancer! Pray that we both will have a word to share with those around us that is meant to encourage and will be a Godly word for those that it's been prepared for.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. For your words of wisdom and even reproach, your words have not fallen of deaf ears. Thank you for the food! My children and I are not going to starve to death, that's for sure. Thank you for your gifts of kindness and generosity.
Angi
Man, that's not what I was looking for...I was looking for the verse in Matthew about being the salt of the earth and losing it's saltiness because Trevor has lost his sense of taste. Instead, as I was looking for what I WANTED, it seems that my sweet Heavenly Father has a word for me about unwholesome word...The irony in this verse being "found" today was that my mom just told me today, that I had become abrasive! I know those of you that have spoken to me in the past month don't believe that and you all know that my mom is crazy! If I wake up tonight from hearing hysterical laughs from a certain group of baseball moms or 4 specific relatives I'll know that you agree. Just like I told my mom, I know that I'm abrasive, it's not an act all the time. There are certain situations that call for me taking a tone.
For example, when my husband has to be admitted last Friday week for dehydration. I call the nurse and I explain to her the situation of my husband not being able to tolerate food or Zofran. (If this is news to you, read previous post.) The nurse gives me the run around and acts like she is about to take a "you're so dumb" tone with me. I did tell her that the drugs I was asking about were referred to me, I did not tell her by an Oncology Pharmacist THAT SEES PATIENTS WITH DOCTORS IN A NATIONAL CANCER CENTER!!!!! She begins questioning the validity of me asking about these drugs and "we don't prescribe those kinds of drugs", like I was asking for marijuana...and I'm not above it. When I change tactics and aske her "if this was your husband, what would you do?" She all of a sudden does a 360 and starts treating me like I was a concerned, loving wife that is beside herself because there is nothing I can do to make my husband better-NOTHING. She tells me she would have this drug and this drug and this procedure and "please let me know if there is anything else we can do to help Trevor"! OMGoodness, I kept by abrasive tongue in my head although I wanted to jump through the phone and squeeze her neck until my hand cramped. That could probably be stated more sweetly and non-abrasive like, but I'm not posting just for you. This is also therapy for me and trying to see that you all get the same information.
Anyway, Trevor has lost quite a bit of weight. His taste buds are changing and are being burned from the radiation. Things either taste really bad or burn his mouth. I made him a smoothie with a Boost protein drink that is lactose free with Silk, instead of milk and Rice Dream, instead of ice cream. We are trying to reduce the amount of dairy he takes in because it make him phlegmy and phlegm makes him gag then leads to throwing up. Moving on, he had one "swig" and threw it up before it went all the way down. He said it tasted like his radiation. He did get some mouth rinse that is suppposed to numb his mouth so that he can eat and it not hurt as bad and not really taste it either. But plan B is the feeding tube and that will keep him nourished.
I think plan B should be implemented 2 weeks ago, but he doesn't want to have a procedure that "he may not need". I can see the rational in that and I'm trying to be supportive, but let's review Ephesians 4:29...this is where I'm being nailed. I've tried really hard to have the appropriate word for the occasion but in this instance, there really isn't an appropriate time for me to say "so what about that feeding tube". I hate to see him struggle. I hate to see him hurting physically and emotionally. I hate that I can't DO anything to make him better or at least FEEL better.
I don't think I'm not compassionate or that I'm abrasive all the time. I am compassionate to the situation as well as abrasive in the opposite situation. I'm a doer...this sitting and watching and waiting is pulling on me in a bad kinda way. I can't even put on my tennis shoes to go for a brisk walk on this 2nd day of fall because of my still jacked up foot. So I either need more appropriate moments to be abrasive or need to stay in the word a whole lot more. The second probably would be the best route for better feedback in appropriate situations, but let's be real. Just because that's what I should do, doesn't mean I'm going to do it.
When I do sit down for my quiet time, my mind wanders to La-La land. My son and I should by a vacation home there, we both seem to travel there at times when we should be somewhere else like in the Lord's word or English/Reading class. 2 weeks ago Eli traveled to La-La land during an open book assignment and came home with a 75. I went monkey-butt crazy on his tail. I told him that if he brought home another open book assignment that was not an A, I would wear him out. He would have to choose something to give up with all of his exra-curriculars or I would do it and then he would have to call the appropriate extra-curricular director. So this week he comes home with a 65 on an open book assignment. His teacher wrote "65 oops!" 65 OOPS! is Eli being lazy and I'm tired of it. If he didn't know the material and it wasn't open book, that would be a whole different ball game. So, I wore his bottom out, while he tried to squeeze out tears, (my son is almost as tall as I am). He had to call all of the extra-curricular directors and tell them all that he would not be participating this week because he had bad grades.
He chose to tell them he had bad grades, rather than he was fighting a severe case of Lazy! Actually he's only had 2 bad grades and one was the week before last when I warned him of what would happen if he chose to be lazy again. The other was last week, when he chose to be lazy again. He had all A's until those 2 bouts of laziness over took him. Now he has 4 A's and 2 B's. When I made him make the calls to extra-curricular directors, I think that hurt him more than the physical spanking I gave him. He didn't have to try to squeeze out tears, they came natural. I hope we have taken care of Lazy-itis for the 4th grade year. This week will resume his daily, busy, extra-curricular laden week and he is so excited.
Now for a little light hearted laugh...ya'll will laugh, I did not! So Trevor gets his mouth wash that will numb his mouth so he can eat and I thaw chicken legs for supper. A good barbequed chicken leg on the grill, always taste good. So as I was letting the cheese from the cheeseburgers we had last week burn off, I close the lid to the grill and go back in the house. Probably 10 minutes later I go check on the grill to find it's burning. The grill is now on fire on the outside. I'm panicked on the inside, but I don't want to become hysterical in front of the kids and seem like I'm overreacting to Trevor. I go to get Trevor and tell him that I need him for a minute. When he sees the grill, he turns the gas off but it keeps burning and now is almost engulfed in flames. He turns the water hose on and puts the flames out. The gas line from the grill to the gas tank had caught on fire and was burning, it's a wonder I didn't blow the house up trying to grill chicken. So instead of the ultimate grilled barbecue chicken leg, we have baked chicken.
Please continue to pray for Trevor, for his strength as he begins week 3 of radiation and chemo. He wants me to let him know if he becomes ill or depressed...I guess I better take note of his moods better. I thought that we both became depressed when he was diagnosed with cancer! Pray that we both will have a word to share with those around us that is meant to encourage and will be a Godly word for those that it's been prepared for.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. For your words of wisdom and even reproach, your words have not fallen of deaf ears. Thank you for the food! My children and I are not going to starve to death, that's for sure. Thank you for your gifts of kindness and generosity.
Angi
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Peace...
We have 5 weeks and 5 days and we will be cancer free, WOO-HOO! Today started round 2 of chemotherapy. Trevor started the day with radiation at 7:45 followed by fluids being started at 8:45. All of his treatments and radiation are done in the hospital he works at and it does my heart good to see the doctors and nurses and other people in the hallways or that come by to see him have such respect and admiration for him. I know he is good at what he does but I don't count because I'm his wife, not a wound expert. But when professionals take a moment out of their day to find out what room he's in and come by to check on him, I am so proud to be his wife and beaming when he introduces me to them if they haven't already met me. What really tickles m,e is the cutsie nurses that see him and turn on there cutsie charm and he introduces me as his wife. He's oblivious to these sweetie pies trying to charm their pants off of themselves. I love my man so much, not because he comes home to me and my "NOT" Faith Hill great hair. Trevor is a great guy all the way around, minus the 12 pounds he's lost during this little incident.
Last week I found that I was so exhausted because I wanted so much for the kinks to be worked out so the next 6 weeks would go off without a hitch...WRONG!!! In case you didn't already know, drugs affect each individual differently...DUH! So all of us that swore by Zofran when we were pregnant, it didn't help my man at all. I could quite possibly be standing in front of Walgreen's close to Christmas time selling Zofran pills for a little extra Christmas money because it did nothing for him.
And in all of ME worrying MYSELF into a frenzy, we all have other responsibilities...ummm, this isn't about ME. Eli is responsible for HIS 4th grade homework, which he's figuring out because we don't see his homework sheets anymore and we don't have to sign a notebook saying he's done his homework. That is his responsibility and he understands when his grades don't reflect deligence, HE has to call the coach, choir director, play director and explain why he can't play or participate. Neely is responsible for 2nd grade homework, although we do have to sign a sheet saying she read to us. She is responsible for practicing her piano and being prepared for the next week's lesson. I am still responsible for laundry, (I think I may have just heard a mass UGH...). If the clothes aren't washed, we will be going commando and that isn't comfortable! I have been released from one less responsibility over the next few weeks. A great friend, who happens to be my boss, arranged a meal plan on www.takethemameal.com password eli/neely. So I don't have to prepare suppers for awhile. Thanks for that little love note sweet friend!
Today, chemotherapy has been easier to tolerate than last week. The Erbitux dosage was backed down a bit. Since it's a heavy duty drug, they give the mega dose the first time and back it down to what it will be throughout the rest of the chemotherapy sessions. So we have 5 more weeks of this Erbitux dosage. The Cystplatin is a 2 hour dosage but also involves 2000 mg of fluids to be taken in throughout the day. His doctor has also changed around his nausea medicines. He has deduced by the burning in his belly for the past 2 days that his Prevacid doesn't take care of the amount of acid in his stomach, especially since he hasn't eaten a lot. Yesterday he took 2 Prevacids, 2 OTC acid reducers and last count I had 6 TUMS. His oncologist started Regalin to be taken 4x day with the Nexium 2x a day. He is also on Anzemet for nausea and will take Phenergan as needed. We are on the right path and I believe we both feel better about his treatment. (I do realize that this paragraph should go up to the Zofran paragraph, but I don't know how to cut/paste on my lap top.) I do realize that lots of you are rolling your eyes and probably thinking "Oh my goodness, is she that technologically challenged? The answer is "yes, I am"!
Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace" Thank you God for providing this peace to us today. Thank you for starting this week off with Your mercy and Your grace. I pray that we can be reflections of Your grace and be able to show mercy the way You have continually shown us. Thank you Father for this time together all day with my husband in the confines of a hospital room. I pray that You would protect us as we travel 10 miles home. I pray that we would be blessings to those around us, that the blessings You pour over us spill onto those around us. I pray that You would continue to hold Trevor in the palm of Your hand. That he rest tonight and wake in the morning ready to eat a hearty breakfast, give hime a hunger for real food that he hasn't known in a week and in that hunger, You sustain his strength as he prepares to go through the next 5 weeks with stamina, strength and good health. I pray these things in Your precious Son's name, Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer.
Last week I found that I was so exhausted because I wanted so much for the kinks to be worked out so the next 6 weeks would go off without a hitch...WRONG!!! In case you didn't already know, drugs affect each individual differently...DUH! So all of us that swore by Zofran when we were pregnant, it didn't help my man at all. I could quite possibly be standing in front of Walgreen's close to Christmas time selling Zofran pills for a little extra Christmas money because it did nothing for him.
And in all of ME worrying MYSELF into a frenzy, we all have other responsibilities...ummm, this isn't about ME. Eli is responsible for HIS 4th grade homework, which he's figuring out because we don't see his homework sheets anymore and we don't have to sign a notebook saying he's done his homework. That is his responsibility and he understands when his grades don't reflect deligence, HE has to call the coach, choir director, play director and explain why he can't play or participate. Neely is responsible for 2nd grade homework, although we do have to sign a sheet saying she read to us. She is responsible for practicing her piano and being prepared for the next week's lesson. I am still responsible for laundry, (I think I may have just heard a mass UGH...). If the clothes aren't washed, we will be going commando and that isn't comfortable! I have been released from one less responsibility over the next few weeks. A great friend, who happens to be my boss, arranged a meal plan on www.takethemameal.com password eli/neely. So I don't have to prepare suppers for awhile. Thanks for that little love note sweet friend!
Today, chemotherapy has been easier to tolerate than last week. The Erbitux dosage was backed down a bit. Since it's a heavy duty drug, they give the mega dose the first time and back it down to what it will be throughout the rest of the chemotherapy sessions. So we have 5 more weeks of this Erbitux dosage. The Cystplatin is a 2 hour dosage but also involves 2000 mg of fluids to be taken in throughout the day. His doctor has also changed around his nausea medicines. He has deduced by the burning in his belly for the past 2 days that his Prevacid doesn't take care of the amount of acid in his stomach, especially since he hasn't eaten a lot. Yesterday he took 2 Prevacids, 2 OTC acid reducers and last count I had 6 TUMS. His oncologist started Regalin to be taken 4x day with the Nexium 2x a day. He is also on Anzemet for nausea and will take Phenergan as needed. We are on the right path and I believe we both feel better about his treatment. (I do realize that this paragraph should go up to the Zofran paragraph, but I don't know how to cut/paste on my lap top.) I do realize that lots of you are rolling your eyes and probably thinking "Oh my goodness, is she that technologically challenged? The answer is "yes, I am"!
Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace" Thank you God for providing this peace to us today. Thank you for starting this week off with Your mercy and Your grace. I pray that we can be reflections of Your grace and be able to show mercy the way You have continually shown us. Thank you Father for this time together all day with my husband in the confines of a hospital room. I pray that You would protect us as we travel 10 miles home. I pray that we would be blessings to those around us, that the blessings You pour over us spill onto those around us. I pray that You would continue to hold Trevor in the palm of Your hand. That he rest tonight and wake in the morning ready to eat a hearty breakfast, give hime a hunger for real food that he hasn't known in a week and in that hunger, You sustain his strength as he prepares to go through the next 5 weeks with stamina, strength and good health. I pray these things in Your precious Son's name, Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Moving...
Moving...
For all of my sweet readers, dear friends, prayer warriors and for those of you that accidently found this post because you saw someone else on facebook liked it and you clicked on it because the new Dallas show was already in reruns and had nothing better to do and start reading…I’m moving my page…I just can’t seem to get this tumblr. thing down. I don’t know if it shows the time that I actually post something but by the time you get what’s posted it’s been rewritten at least twice because I can never figure out how to post. When I have surprised myself when my blog gets posted, it hasn’t been spell checked or had the “red pen” taken to it to perfect it.
So, I’m moving…I’m moving to blogspot. The name will be www.ididntmakethisup.blogspot.com and I think it will still link to facebook. If you go there and can’t get it to come up, obviously I’ve jacked it up again. I will post on blogspot and copy to tumblr over the next few posts, just so I feel like I’m doing it correctly.
Before I move, just a little update…After yesterday, I think we may have the kinks worked out for Trevor’s chemo. I am going to do all I can to keep him drugged at ALL times. Nausea is like pain, you gotta stay ahead of it! Phenergan keeps him drowsy and sleeps alot, I don’t care, as long as food stay down his tail will be phenerganed up every 5.5 hours. He gets a new drug to manage nausea today that the pharmacy had to order, we’ll see how that goes but I’m confident with the phenergan. The miracle drug Zofran, a lot of pregnant women take this drug to be able to function instead of throwing up during pregnancy, did NOTHING for Trevor except exacerbate his nausea and eventually he got sick. If you’ve never experienced helplessness, go to a cancer ward where patients are so nauseaus they can’t pick their heads up. That’s how my man was yesterday. He got IV fluids with drugs and he’s better.
He got up this morning and took more phenergan and the whole family has been up since 5:30…WHY?! I don’t know, my body’s internal clock is jacked up! We’ve got a big day today and Trevor is going to try to participate in it. It will do him good to see the light of day and experience the breeze through his leg hairs! (He’s not proofing this one, so I can say that…). My boy has soccer at 9:30 and we get to spend time with the most generous lady that my children were first loved on. Princess is going to her cousin’s for the morning, then birthday party from 12-2. A sweet friend, who has had her own share of family pain over the past weeks, wants to get my babies and “hang out”! Her son and Eli are close in age and will have a great time hanging. Her 16 year old beautiful, Godly daughter wants to spoil my little princess for the afternoon. We are blessed beyond measure! And if the rain holds off, I “get” to mow the yard…yippee!
Thank you all for your prayers, even those of you that found us by accident and don’t believe in God’s faithfulness or power and am only reading because you wanna see what happens next, thanks to you too!
Psalms 18:16-19 “He sent from on high, He took me, He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too might for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, BUT the LORD was my stay. HE brought me forth also into a broad place; HE rescued me, because HE delighted in me.”
Have a great weekend! angi
September 13, 2012 Exhaustion leads to tears...
Exhaustion leads to tears…
By show of hands, how many of you have broken down or even teared up and admitted to the people that witnessed this brief episode, “I’m just tired”. That’s my go to line for anytime the tears start prickling. I’m so freakin exhausted, like I’ve got a new baby at my house and have to get up 2-3 times in the night to feed it. I don’t my babies are 10 and 7 and sleep all night. But last night that’s how I slept with one eye closed while I prayed 1 John 5:14-15. I would lay my hand on Trevor’s arm or back or thigh or whatever I could touch and pray silently claiming God’s promises of hearing my prayers and He would hear me and He would grant my request. Kinda like rubbing a genie’s lantern…poof, my man’s cancer is gone and he has a grown man appetite! Wrong…I’m so learning to wait on God’s timing and the funny thing is He’s generally waiting for me to follow through too!So as I get up to start my day, I’m exhausted and I can feel the tears right behind my tired eyelids but I’ve got things to do and work to go to to love on some babies! It isn’t convenient to feel that prick of tears while talking to the 2nd grade teacher about why I forgot to write a note about who princess is riding home with. Or while the sweetest, Godliest and most sincere woman is promising prayers all day. But let’s be for real when is it really convenient to go into that snot running, ugly face cry? There isn’t enough eye cream to stop the puffiness or Excedrin to dull the headache that follows. So when we break down in front of the sweetest parents and teachers at Mother’s Day Out, we chalk it up to “I’m so tired”. Or when you come home to check on your husband in the bed fighting his battle with nausea and you start tearing up, “I’m just tired”. Nothing makes a man feel better when there is nothing he can physically or emotionally do to make his bride stop crying, and I don’t think he’s ever used the “I’m so tired” excuse.
But if I’m honest, if I ever let myself totally breakdown because my husband is 4 days closer to being cancer free but he’s so miserably nauseaus, my eyes will be swollen shut tomorrow and I won’t ever get to sleep because snot will be running down the back of my throat until I about drown in it! As I’m putting my babies to bed tonight my wise 10 year old son says…”cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you mom, that’s in 1 Peter 5:7. The Bible says so”…
I’m so exhausted because I’m caught up in not being able to make my husband better…let’s all keep in mind I have a B.S. in PE/Sports Management and Outdoor Recreation. I think I’ll leave it up to the professionals who have advised me well on keeping him ahead of his nausea and the professionals whose training is cancer treatment and the God that knows every hair on the head of the man that He prepared for me.
By the way in reference to “we”, I mean me but if there are any Amen’s I would love to know that I’m not the only one trying to do everthing myself!
September 11, 2012 2 day down...
2 days down…
2 days down…
I can not say “Thank You” so much to everyone who has prayed, showed up, called, text, sent cards, plants and the Southern Baptist favorite-FOOD, during the past week. My daddy was such a blessing and I had forgotten how much of a man he was because the past few years of illness had taken the Christian, generous, God-fearing, compassionate man from me. He left a legacy that I had to be reminded of, thank you to all of you that reminded me of the man he was. I was so blessed, does that make a lot of sense? To be a part of last weeks “festivities” with all of my siblings as we gathered together to talk about “Maurice-isms” such as, “that was so nasty, it would gag a goat”, “don’t you lie to me, gonna have to have Mrs. Cook call the dog because the dog knows you’re lying”, “get a switch”, “she’s so ugly make a freight train take a dirt road”, or “ugly as a mud fence” (we’re a vain family), “dumb as a rock”, “take your right hand and put it on your left ear, take your left hand and put it on your right ear, now pull your head out of your hind end!”. We tried to keep score to see who had one that wasn’t on any of the others list… no one won, we all had the same ones and a lot more than what I’ve listed. And miracle of miracles there weren’t any buttons pushed and no screaming matches, no one left angry swearing they would never speak again…it was truly a blessing especially with us 5!
Well as we embarked on this new adventure of cancer treatment, I was a little apprehensive on how much fun we would really have, man am I glad I paced myself for it all! Trevor started his radiation yesterday, he said it was “FINE”… then went and finished laying a hardwood floor. Today, he did radiation at 9:30 and then IV fluids started about 10. Then he had to have a test dose with one of the chemo drugs to see if he would have an allergic reaction, like anaphalactic shock! The crash cart was outside his door and we didn’t know that until later in the afternoon. Once he passed that test, that drug had to be mixed (takes 30-45 minutes to get it from pharmacy). Once that starts, it lasts about an hour with nurse in the room taking his blood pressure every 5 minutes. More IV fluids for the next drug. The next drug takes about 2 hours to drip then has to have more IV fluids. This drug is very hard on kidneys and bladder so they have encouraged lots of fluids. Depending on how he feels tomorrow will depend on if he finishes the deer shooting house in my garage where my van sometimes parks. If it’s finished that means I can get the lawn mower out to mow the yard and get my dose of Vitamin D that I’ve missed out on over the past couple of weeks. A girl needs her Vit-D to feel good about her cute pedicured feet!
We have a friend from college that is an Oncologist Pharmacist, it’s always good to have a pharmacist in your circle of friends. She had sent us TONS of information on the drugs that Trevor will be taking over the next 7 weeks…THANKS MMY! Trevor was more prepared since he had studied some of the material last night. They loaded his tail up with all kinds of drugs to help his body suppress any kind of allergic reaction, he was almost high with so much benadryl! Then nausea medicine to help alleviate the side affects of large doses of chemo. He feels really good right now. He said that he is really tired, he’s not used to laying around all day doing nothing, and his joints hurt. So again, thank you is not enough for all you prayer warriors that got us through today will mild to little anxiety. Keep it up over the next 7 weeks.
We are 2 days closer to being cancer free. Our prayer is that Trevor sustain his strength and his appetite. We pray also that the burning in his throat that the doctors have told us will happen because of the radiation, does not hinder him from swallowing as much as we’ve been led to believe. We have prayed with confidence that after this 7 weeks, Trevor is completely healed from cancer and any other randomness that may try to fall in his lap. When his radiation is over that will have completed our year of random accidents!
On another random rabbit chase, today as I was waiting for Trevor while he did radiation. I struck up a conversation with a volunteer and a grand daughter in the radiation department. There was a lady that had just left her radiation. She had brain cancer…she had to have teeth removed and the cancer took it’s place. Her face is swollen, she has lost a large amount of her hearing and can’t eat. She is taking radiation to slow the cancer growth down. The doctors have said she has a minimal amount of time to love on her man and her babies. 2 months ago she was a 41 year old mom of an 8 year old daughter and a 9 month old baby…Her husband made the comment that this weekend as they were having a fund raiser at their house to raise money to take care of medical expenses and pay for her future burial, their house was struck by lightening, blew the freezer out and they lost all their frozen food…AND his brother had a stroke at the family event…Job crossed my mind. Pray for this family, all I know is they are from Bolivar (a small town in West Tennessee). Pray that GOD shows up in a big way and that when he does, they recognize it and are blessed.
I John 5:14-15 This is the confidence we have before HIM, that if we ask anything according to HIS will, HE hears us. And if we know that HE hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests we have asked from HIM.
Amen and AMEN!
September 4, 2012 Blessings in disguise...
Blessings in disguise…
If you haven’t heard via, fb, my friends or family members my daddy passed away this morning. It is bittersweet…He was 71, so young and yet his body had aged from years of poor choices.Daddy had diabetes and heart disease. He had smoked for as long as I can remember and I’m 41. If you asked him if he smoked he would say, “I only smoke 3 cigarettes a day”…I would say “Daddy it’s a yes/no question after you answer yes/no then the doctor will ask you how many”. He had been diagnosed with diabetes probably 15 years ago and he said he controlled it with “a little white pill”. In his mind if he took the pill he could still eat what he wanted. Genetics also play into this, but my 96 year old granddaddy controls his diabetes by watching his diet and taking his medication properly. I do have animosity toward my daddy because he chose to live his life and in choosing how he lived it he chose how he died.
When he started having TIA’s several years ago, a little bit of him died then. A little bit of brutal honesty hidden in humor, “that woman is so fat if you told her to leave it would take her 2 trips just to get her butt out the door”. After quadruple by-pass surgery a little bit of his confidence was gone. Then after years more of uncontrolled diabetes and a major stroke, more humor gone and replaced with hatefulness. The sad part about that is he really didn’t see himself as being hateful. He was living on an emotional roller coaster. My aunt finally got him on meds for his “blood pressure”, really for his depression. He swore he wasn’t depressed. But when he would start to get laugh or smile you would notice he would turn away with tears in his eyes.
The man the people knew was funny, he was generous, he was a Dixie Youth baseball coach and he was a good one, even when his teams lost. There are adults walking around that probably need therapy because he would have them take his shoe off and his left foot would come off with it. He would holler and make a big commotion as if an 8 year old child really could pull his foot off of his body. He got his left foot mashed off in a work accident at International Harvester 45 years ago and never stopped living. He still played sports. He was an avid softball player, a catcher. He was all about encouraging every kid on the team, even the short fat kid that “couldn’t catch a cold in the rain wearing only his underwear”! His public persona was almost larger than life. But when his body was beginning to succumb to diabetes and heart disease that larger than life man, became a very small angry person trapped inside his emotions.
There are 5 Harchfield children and we were raised “sparing the rod, spoiled the child”, “that for every choice you make good, bad or indifferent there is ALWAYS a price to pay”…I added…”you may not have to pay today, but one day the piper is gonna come a callin”. If you come home late, the door was locked, if you drive fast you WILL get a ticket…If you choose to smoke and have poor eating habits, genetics will come a callin and heart disease and diabetes will want to be paid! We are all dealing with daddy’s death differently. When I visited daddy, I never left anything unsaid. My brother’s and my sister and my mom are hurting and it hurts me that they are dealing with this. I’m angered that daddy robbed my brothers, my sister, my kids, neices and nephew and my mom of getting to grow old with them and laughing at his silliness. Instead we are mourning a man that was robbed of life because of diabetes and heart disease.
But anger aside, I’m dealing, my daddy impacted so many other lives. He and my mom raised me to be a Godly, confident woman…They raised 4 other children in the Lord’s house. We were raised with appreciation for what we had and not what we didn’t, “can’t miss what you never had”. I am grateful for his support and encouragement when he gave it. He was an emotional man that didn’t know how to express himself. To show sadness or grief was weakness, strong men don’t weep. He wept when he knew he wasn’t succeeding at beating his body at diabetes or heart disease.
As I told my babies of his passing this morning I told them that he was in Heaven walking around with 2 feet, his own teeth. That he is now healthy strong man, singing (and he had a great voice) with the angels. Neely says he’s wearing a man dress because he’s an angel…I know he’s laughing out loud about that.
II Timothy 4:7-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
My daddy did fight the good fight and he has finished his race and now he is receiving his crown…How AWESOME!
August 30, 2012 Laughter is the best medicine!
Laughter is the best medicine!
I’m trying to figure out how to get to the point that this crazy carcinoma my husband has contracted wasn’t detected even after having CAT scans, blood work and a sinus dialation. He has had a sinus infection for approximately 10 months…you said what…yes 10 months of snot! He has had the best care all along. There is only so much you can do with antibiotics, steroids, Allegra, Nasonex, Tylenol Sinus & Allergy, he’s tried everything but the Jack & Coke! And even as I sit here I’m bored with the subject of sinus infections, drugs, snot and cancer.Let’s move on…those of you that know me know I am often times “unfiltered”. I don’t try to be, I honestly try to watch what I say and the TONE that I say it. Trevor and I have had this discussion several times, it’s all about the tone. He may say something and I interpret it wrong because of his tone. But the tone of his voice determines if we are about to have a discussion or if I’m about to go monkey butt crazy on him because “where did you put?” gets interpreted into “it’s your fault I can’t find” I think he gets it, but other times I’m not so sure. He is the youngest of 3, I’m the oldest of 5. He’s the baby and I’m spoilt (yes spoilt, not spoiled there is a difference, I don’t stink like spoiled milk). He will take a tone with his mom that makes my skin crawl and she doesn’t say a word. I may have said something to her about it before because I don’t take having the tone used with me. She may have said she just ignores it…Boy could I learn somethings from her if his tone didn’t gripe me so much.
I have come to terms that I’m not the best communicator tough so I can see where a tone may be needed. But don’t ask me a simple question and imply a tone, I’ll go 9 kinds of crazy undone and all he wanted to know is do we have milk. In retrospect, man don’t I feel dumb for acting so nuts…it’s hormones, that’s my go to answer for almost everything that I don’t want to own up to. I can even muster up a little chuckle thinking about it…
When it comes to chuckling there seem to be people around me chuckling or laughing out loud when I’m around. At the age of 41, I’m taking it in stride, I’m comfortable in my skin-FINALLY, although half the time I don’t know what’s so funny. I have a friend that 90% of the time we are having an audible conversation she is laughing and if she is laughing out loud, she’s peed on herself…that could be why we do ALOT of texting. I don’t set out to be funny it’s just dumb funny things happen to me and it seems people are laughing. Refer to 1st post about me falling down steps at school jacking up my foot and sweet, cute, young, carpool moms see the whole thing. The funny part is the cutest sandals in the world that I got a GREAT deal on, I can’t wear because my foot is still jacked up. The other funny part is the cute carpool mom that witnessed the event and wanted to help me and swears she does that all the time…well while I was driving to get an xray on my foot, who do I see running? That’s right that cute mom and she doesn’t look like she’s got the road rash I do from taking a tumble in the TCA parking lot.
The people that make me laugh the most are my siblings and watching and listening to my kids. My brothers are hysterical. Those of you in the 901 area code call Craig’s Pest Control tell him you need a good belly laugh and after he figures out he’s talking to a nimrod, he will make you laugh so hard you’ll want to call him everyday to come pick up stray dogs in your neighborhood. You can find him on my fb page! My youngest brother could take his act on the road but nursing is paying his bills in San Diego, so next time you’re on the west coast look him up, his name is Richard Harchfield. My middle brother is very dry and I never know if he’s serious until the moment has past. My sister is hilarious too but she’s even more funny when she laughs at her own jokes. Usually when we’re together we’re laughing about childhood memories or people we once knew that now we’re like…”what kind of yo-yo does that?!”
Trevor’s family is hilarious in it’s own right. When Mrs. Nola laughs, she laughs til she cries and so does Trevor’s sister Angela. Trevor and Chad laugh but generally they are laughing at the escapades of their nephews. Don’t get me wrong they both do alot of laughing at their own children. But their nephews are older and it seems the things that they are attempting or succeeding at in their redneck adventures are things that Chad and Trevor may have tried at one time too! Mr. Dale laughs at all of it, all his grand kids make him laugh from futile night fishing attempts to catching frogs with girls or being made into a princess, he’s chuckling all the way.
I believe that over the next week and a half we’ll be doing alot of laughing together. But it’s going to be up to all of us to keep Trevor laughing as his body is being ravaged by chemo and radiation as it eradicates this crazy illness.
Laugh Hard, Love More and Pray Without Ceasing!
I John 5:14-15 “This is the confidence we have before Him, that if we ask anything according to His will , He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests we have asked from Him.”
August 29, 2012 Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!......Wait...
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!……….Wait…
Well today wrapped up all of the preliminary testing before “we”, Trevor begins this new adventure. We also found out that we’ve almost met our insurance deductible…WOO-HOO! Bout time-2 weeks ago, August 15, Trevor a 40 year old, strong, relatively healthy, active, strong, sexy man had his tonsils and adenoids taken out. All those horrible things that you’ve heard about the older you get when you have this procedure done are all true, at least from my perspective. He hasn’t whinned or complained. He drinks his Gatorade and eats his applesauce like a real trooper. He’s actually expanding his diet to peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwiches. But when we started this process he already knew there was a potential problem. Biopsy of the tissue removed showed that his adenoids were cancerous. Dr. Preston calls and makes arrangements for Trevor to see 2 of the most highly recommended Oncologist in our area.
Here we are 2 weeks out, we have a diagnosis and preparations are being made to begin his chemo/radiation treatments on Monday, September 10. In my mind where is the sense of urgency? I guess it depends on the diagnosis and the aggressiveness of the cancer. I’m so super grateful for the care that he has had over the past 2 weeks. From counseling, to PET scans, to more CAT scans to preparing his plan for radiation and counsel between doctors to determine best drugs to use in chemo. Now we wait…
While we are waiting, Trevor has torn down a fence and rebuilt it. I think he plans on doing something with shingles on the roof, help the neighbor guy with a project. I KNOW he’ll check deer cameras, heaven forbid a new buck get by and he not get that memory card looked at to check out the habits of this new 8 point…In his thoughtfulness (boredom), he has folded laundry, loaded the dishwasher, cleaned out the garage (but those of you that have been to my house can’t tell it, I’m still parked in the drive), vacuumed, and matched white socks! I know, I’m blessed with such a handy man, especially one that matches white socks.
Truly, I have been blessed. Trevor and I have known each other since college nearly 25 years…GAH, he’s old! He has always been a generous man. I remember playing in the rain with one of my roommates and I cut my foot on something (we went to Martin and it was between the dorms and the Pike house, so use your imaginations as to what I stepped on). Anyway, the only person that I knew that would help me was this guy that was a Resident Assistant. So we go traipsing down the hallway trailing blood, breaking open house so that Trevor can basically put a band-aid on my foot. He has always been my friend, although we dated other people in college. He goes to PT school, I go to Yellowstone to do my internship. I come home, am driving down Jefferson Avenue and who is walking to class, that’s right my dear friend Trevor Stewart.
The next week I have an auto accident, that is a story for another time, but me being in a state of unawareness this guy comes every day to the MED and sits with my dad and it isn’t even visiting hours. I never knew this until I got out of the hospital. My life had stopped, 24 years old, living with my parents, have a colostomy (look that up if you don’t know, it’s not sexy) the 1-800-DATE-ANGI line was not ringing. My dad keeps talking about this guy that came every day and sat with him and listened to his softball playing days. 1 year later after lots of other physical/emotional “drama”, the phone finally rings and it’s NOT for my 17 year old hot sister. Trevor Stewart is was calling to check on me. This eventually turned in to dating. Needless to say the rest is history and will be made into a made for TV movie, Vanessa Marcil will play me and I will go get a tramp stamp so that she can get into character. Dermot Mulroney will play Trevor, the quiet, sexy type especially now with the graying…
My man has devoted the last 15 years of his life to making me happy. To providing for us, keeping our family safe. He has loved me through all kinds of crazy and random events in our lives. He has found me attractive through 2 pregnancies and even now. He has discussed sternly things that I thought differently about. He has our family’s best interest, health and future in mind and works very hard to see that it’s all taken care of. He has prayed with our children and disciplined when needed and always loved them. When God gave me Trevor Stewart as my help mate he all but gift wrapped him with a red bow. Eli asked today on the way to school what were some of the most important days of my life. The day that I married my sexy, thoughtful, God-fearing man was one of them. And the other 2 are named Eli and Neely, neither of which doctors were sure could happen. I love this man for the man he is raising our son to be. I love him for the example he is setting how a woman should be treated my a man for Neely. Even when I’m angry with something totally random, probably hormonal, he loves me through it and often times it irritates the fool out of me because I’m hard-headed. He loves me unconditionally, just as Christ loves the Church and that’s what makes me love him more, respect and admire him and makes me want to be a better wife, friend and mother. When my grandmother died, my grandfather said “this is how it’s supposed to be, I would not want her to live through what I’m going to live through without her”, that was 14 years ago and Daddy Carl is still waiting to see Opal Christine when he walks into heaven! That’s how I feel, my heart aches that I can’t make this go away, I can’t fix it. That said, we are drowning in blessings…I mean God is dumping them on us and I know that when this cancer event is over, my family will be even richer and more blessed that our cups will be running over and people around us will be getting wet!
So while we have hurried up and had all this testing and feel prepared for treatments to begin in 1.5 weeks, we are continuing to live and continuing to praise God and thank Him daily for providing His strength for us. We continue to thank Him for the times we get to share doing chores (griping the whole time), playing games, going to soccer practice, piano lessons and the daily grind. This illness has not stopped our lives, it will slow us down for 13 weeks. But as long as my man is awake, feeling bad or not, he’s doing…planning…praying…watching ESPN and the Outdoor Channel…and loving us.
Proverbs 20:7 “The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him”
August 28, 2012 My Crown...
My Crown…
As I’m sitting here trying to write all that we found out today, I’m easily side-tracked. Trevor for some reason or another is watching America’s Got Talent, we don’t watch this show and I think it’s being DVR-d so Eli can watch this talent show…I’m thinking about getting uniforms ironed, church tomorrow night (Wednesday night church is harder than Sunday morning), laundry that isn’t folded, what I’m going to wear to go back to see Dr. Kovelic. Although it won’t be cute wedge sandals and white capri pants, I learned my lesson the first time. That and my foot is fat and purple from the last time I tried to dress cute to make a good impression.Trevor and I have been so blessed with the outpouring of love, prayers, gift and encouraging words from people that neither of us know. And I have to say if they were just trying to make conversation or make Facebook friends, I don’t know that I would have friended me just to say “sorry your man has cancer…” or “Bless your heart”…we’ve all heard the “bless your hearts”, it’s the Southern thing to say in an awkward silence in the conversation. We have appreciated EVERY word sent to us through email, txt, fb, mail and word of mouth.
I think of the crown of friends that we both have, it is OVERWHELMING. In my crown I have several rubies. There are a group of girls, rubies, from my church that know me, have heard me and love me anyway. They seem to always know when I need a prayer, accountability, Diet Dew. They aren’t perfect gems in their own right but they are also moms, sisters, wives and my friends. When one sends a message, I know that it will or has gone through all of them about praying immediately because they know I am a basket case pretending. And they all understand when I need that prayer I know that they are all praying and don’t have to let me know they are…Thank You…let’s do lunch.
I also have a couple of emeralds. They have known me and Trevor for years. They have been apart of our life together or when we were single. And their friendship only gets stronger and brighter through the years. The kind of friends that we don’t talk often but we have rejoiced together, mourned together, and prayed together. Trevor and I appreciate your prayers more than we can ever say, but that’s the point isn’t the only thing we can do in return in lift you up and praise God for such great friends…You all are like family to us…Expect a GREAT Christmas card. Proverbs 26:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Then there are a couple of gems in our crowns that make us who we are. They have raised us, spanked us, loved us, fought with us and for us. They are spread all around the base of our crown and are diamonds. They are indestructible. This whole experience with Trevor having cancer has shaken all of us but they have called, texted, prayed, showed up, kept me laughing, counseled me in compassion. I now know I’m not a “fluffy, soft compasionate woman”. I am compassionate to the situation, I’m a doer, let’s fix it and get through it…preferably sane and sober! We’ll see some of you sooner than others but I definately want to see you all. Thanks for keeping me grounded and focused, thanks for praying for healing and comfort. We love our families!
And all throughout my crown I have little pearls. Pearls that appear out of no where, like love notes from God. People that have loved on our kids, fed our kids, done homework with our kids and prayed with and for our kids. These people have been instrumental in helping us raise our children, not just now but over the past few weeks, months and years. We cherish you and don’t tell you enough how much we appreciate what you do while loving on our children. We’re all good…we’re all good…we got this…WE GOT THIS… because I Peter 5:7 says “..cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you..” and you all have reminded us of that.I just wanted to let you all know how much we love you, how much we appreciate you and how much you mean to our family.
Trevor did have his PET scan this morning and then met with Dr. Kaufman, the chemo oncologist. Dr. Kaufman hails from the NIH…that does not mean he writes for the National Geographic or write journal articles for medical magazines. I know some are laughing but the “NIH” means nothing to me. What the NIH is is the National Institute of Health, “where the Kennedy’s go to have cancer”. If Dr. Kaufman is good enough for the Kennedy’s, he’s good enough for my man…My man actually said that not me. We left today with all the information we think we need to proceed with the process to cure Trevor’s cancer.
Dr. Kaufman had the results for his PET scan. The PET scan showed that the cancer was in the tumor site we knew about in the back of the throat and only the lymph nodes that were in hte upper neck. No signs of cancer had spread to any other part of his body…GOD is GOOD (you say “ALL THE TIME”)! HE discussed Trevor’s chemotherapy regimen and how it will play out with doing it with radiation. Tomorrow we meet with Dr. Kovelic to prepare for his radiation plan and set a date to begin treatments. He will have treatment for 7 weeks and midway through we’ve been informed that it’s going to get hard. Anything worth having is worth working hard for, my mama always said that so I quit piano, I hated practicing. My man works hard anyway. The older he gets, it seems he works harder. He can’t sit still, that whole idle hands are the devil’s workshop, no worries Trevor isn’t idle. He is a hard worker and he is ready to get this process going and over with so that he can resume his real life. On the calendar, when this ends it’ll be some sort of deer season…oh the joy and anticipation of deer stand stories. I would imply sarcasm but I can’t wait for him to be able to get out and do stuff he loves and feel good doing it.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thank you for your calls, cards, notes, texts, food and encouraging words. We have been blessed beyond measure with all of the gems and stones in our crown.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
August 27, 2012 Perspective...
Perspective…
So my husband has cancer…WOW! And when he told me, I had to process those words, probably still processing. But after he told me, family members had to be told. He made the calls to his family and endured questions with a sore throat, an emotional tight throat at that. I took the easy way and sent text messages to my family. Point blank told them what I knew and turned off my phone. By the time calls were made it was bed time and babies went to bed praying for their dad’s tonsils to get better. The next afternoon was D-Day. Trevor had been playing outside with Eli, he felt good and rested and it was time to tell them. If I ever have to endure that again, I’m going to drink gasoline first!Trevor explained the whole situation as we knew it. Neely puts her head down trying to wrap her head around exactly what is cancer. Eli knew exactly what it was. For a 10 year old he’s so wise. He ask questions that I never would have expected. “Will you be sick?”, “Will you lose your hair?”, “Were you born with this?”, “Will I get this?”, “Will we get to hunt?” Why? Why? Why? We told him everything we knew. That most people that have been diagnosed with this type of cancer have been cancer free 5 years out with no reoccurence. We don’t know if he’ll lose his hair…It’s not contagious…Depends on the medicine the doctors give depends on if he gets sick… I cried, Neely cried, Eli cried and if Trevor had started crying he wouldn’t have been able to stop because of his heart breaking and the excruciating pain in his throat where his tonsils had been. Eli decides we need to leave because he has to be alone…
”um dude, we’re all in the living room, you can go outside or upstairs to be alone”, “oh yeah”.
In the process of talking all of this through there have been a couple of families at our school, Trinity Christian Academy, that have been affected by cancer. 2 kids in Eli’s class have had parents that have been affected by cancer. Both are cancer survivors and Eli is tight with both. He could relate to his mop headed, LIVE WIRE friend because his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when he was 6. His other friend’s, TENDER HEART, dad was diagnosed with cancer in his mouth and is now back to working and riding horses. We all sat and discussed talking about this “situation”. It isn’t going to not happen if we don’t talk about it. He started talking about LIVE WIRE and how he has endured his mom having a “mastectomy”. Kinda blew my mind what 10 year old boys discuss while playing football on the playground. I told him that if he needed to talk about it LIVE WIRE or TENDER HEART would know how exactly he feels. He could talk to me, his dad, Mr. Steve or Mrs. Debbie anyone of his teachers but talk about it. If you keep it bottled up you can’t think straight, your stomach hurts, you’ll have diarhea, be sad ALL the time…talk about it with someone.
I called and told Neely’s teacher what was going on. That she knew her dad had cancer but how much of it she understood we don’t know, but she knows he’s sick. She thinks he’s going to take a pill, his hair will fall out. He’ll take another pill and be all better…There ya go…Black and white for a 7 year old princess!
When Eli and I were talking before our prayers that night, he’s calm and is processing but “why?” Me, “why did you fall out of a deer stand and break your leg? Has it done any good to question that? If you missed anything in the last 10 months from the deer stand altercation?” Eli…”ummm, no…I do everything I did before except I’m faster” Eli….”why my dad?” me…”why did God choose Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt? Why was Daniel in the lions den?” Eli…because they were Godly men. Me…”Why did he choose to send His son to die on the cross? He isn’t asking your dad to die for the world’s sins?”
Eli and I discussed II Corinthians 12:9, how God’s grace is going to carry us through this. We only have to let go and let His strength be shown in all of this. The more we try to do, and be “okay”, the harder it’ll be on us mentally, physically and spiritually. Then he broke down John 3:15…”Then everyone who believes in him can live with God forever.” He began to explain to me that cancer or not that his dad was going to be living in God forever. That his dad may not die of cancer but he was still living in God…FOR-EVER!!!! Broken down by a 10 year old. That was one of those moments God was saying “Angi it is time for YOU to listen”, and I did…to what God had laid on my son’s heart. So much peace after that conversation with my son…I love it when I get an audible from God, I don’t have to figure out what he’s trying to get me to understand!
So my babies get in the car after school and we begin our 10 minute drive home when I have a captive audience and they have my full attention. Neely said she told her class that her dad had cancer on his tonsils and had to have them taken out, she couldn’t do it all so Mrs. Jones had to finish telling her class…Thanks Laura Jones for being her encourager! Eli said that LIVE WIRE came up to him before school and said he wanted to talk. LIVE WIRE said dude, cancer stinks and it really stinks when it’s your parents that have it. But you’ll get through this, if you need to talk or cry, I’m here for ya dude….Eli told him “I’m going to need you to pray for me and my dad”…Those of you that know LIVE WIRE can SOOOO hear this…”Dude, PRAY?!…DUDE, I GOTCHA COVERED, I’M SO PRAYIN FOR YOU!”
Eli said he told his class that he would like for them to pray for him and his dad. I asked how he did it and he said he had to keep reminding himself to “hold it together, hold it together” but he felt so much better now that his friends were praying for him. He said “mom you know when you have to go to the bathroom soooo bad and your stomach hurts cause you gotta go, then when you go you feel sooo much better? That’s how I feel, so much better cause now my friends know and they’re praying for me”! This is why we go to Christian school.
So tomorrow my man has his PET scan. This scan will tell exactly where the cancer is in his body. The last CAT scan with contrast showed it in his neck/jaw line area and his adenoid tissue. Our prayer is that the cancer is localized in this same place and no growth. Then we will meet with Dr. Kauffman the chemo oncologist. The results of the PET scan will be sent to Dr. Kovelic and he will have the results when we see him on Wednesday. We still have TONS of questions, questions from answers that we got from our first questions. I pray that my husband sustain his strenght during this time of chemo/radiation. That God be seen through all of us and that we are blessed beyond measure with a peace beyond all understanding.
I claim his promises in John 16:23, that when I ask my Father for anything in His Son’s name, Jesus, He will give it to me…
Cancer...blah...blah...blah
I decided to start this little blog project because I can only send so many text messages at a time. The people that receive those messages have a list and so on…So I’ve embarked on another mode of communication. For those of you that haven’t heard from us or anyone else that is BLOWN AWAY or in denial, it’s true Trevor has been diagnosed with cancer. This is how this will go, I’m going to post the latest news and if time permits I’ll do a little reminiscing.
Trevor has been treated for a sinus infection for 10 months…believe it! After lots of antibiotics, nasal rinses (yuck-o), and steroids, he found a lymph node that was sore and swollen at the end of July. In June he had his sinuses cleaned out and that wasn’t what I thought it would be either, but keep in mind I have a B.S. in Physical Education with a concenteration in Sports Management and Outdoor Recreation. I don’t remember actually studying sinus procedures. So the lymph node led to a CAT scan before having his tonsils and adenoids taken out at the age of 40. My man is a very strong, quiet man. Obviously that whole opposites attract thing applies to us because I’m a wuss. I’m allergic to pain and believe God gave somebody sense to make drugs, I’m going to have sense enough to take them. He is very cautious about taking drugs and managing pain.
The CAT scan came back that there could be cancer, 2 or 3 different types, I zoned out when I heard it could also be part of the mono virus. So he gets his tonsils out and again the doctor goes on about cancers…blah…blah…”and a possible virus”. So again I checked out and knew this was a virus. I mean come on a sinus infection for 10 months and just now lymph node involvement, it’s mono…
Monday, August 20 at 4:30 p.m. my husband gets the results from the doctor, nasal pharyngeal carcinoma. He gets off the phone and says “well I’ve got cancer” like “i’m going to go water the garden”, like it’s something we deal with all the time. I thought “well I’m going to go pee on a stick and see if I’m pregnant”, I’ll show you! (It’s physically impossible for us to have any more babies because of the implementation of a surgical procedure.) But the way he said it was like it was no biggie. I asked him if he was expecting this news and he said, “Angi the doctor told us all the possibilities and the likelihood of cancer.” Ummm, yea well how long has he known me and when have I ever listened to EVERYTHING?! I generally pick and choose what I want to hear. This has been diagnosed as Selective Listening, and apparently it’s genetic because I have siblings that suffer from this as well.
We met with the radiation oncologist and he said that as long as the cancer was from the clavicle up, “this is very curable”. I wrote that down in black ink. Anything found below the clavicle will be difficult and manageable. Trevor goes for his PET scan on Tuesday and our prayer is that this disease in localized from his neck up. That the lymph nodes involved along his jaw line and the cancer that was behind his adenoid tissue is it. God has been so faithful over the past 10 months that I know He is going to carry us through the next 7 weeks.
I HATE that my husband is going to have to go through this. I actually prayed this Thursday as I was leaving our school. We were scheduled to meet the radiation oncologist and I had dressed so smartly, I thought. I was trying to look like I have it all together, trying to make a good first impression. As I was leaving my children’s school, I stepped off the last step walking into the parking lot and wiped out, face planted tripping over my new CUTE wedge sandals, in my white pants. All this was witnessed by two cutsie mommies chatting it up in there cute little put together selves. Humbling…I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not. Cute wedge sandals aren’t worth it. I prayed all the way to the walk-in clinic “Please God let me have a broken foot and my husband not have cancer”, repeatedly. Well after he met me there, my foot is sprained really good and he still has cancer!
Something that I learned this week about my children and the way we’ve raised them. We’ve talked to them about making good choices. Society talks about drugs, alcohol, abstinence, those are choices. My kids think “Crap and Gosh” are bad words. And the word Cancer scares them to death, and you can’t choose cancer. Tell your children about cancer, it doesn’t always end in tragedy.
Our prayer is that his cancer is localized in his neck and adenoid tissue, that after 7 weeks of chemo and radiation Trevor be COMPLETELY healed and that our whinning doesn’t get in the way of God dumping his blessings on us and those around us.
“My Grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness” II Corinthians 12:9
Trevor has been treated for a sinus infection for 10 months…believe it! After lots of antibiotics, nasal rinses (yuck-o), and steroids, he found a lymph node that was sore and swollen at the end of July. In June he had his sinuses cleaned out and that wasn’t what I thought it would be either, but keep in mind I have a B.S. in Physical Education with a concenteration in Sports Management and Outdoor Recreation. I don’t remember actually studying sinus procedures. So the lymph node led to a CAT scan before having his tonsils and adenoids taken out at the age of 40. My man is a very strong, quiet man. Obviously that whole opposites attract thing applies to us because I’m a wuss. I’m allergic to pain and believe God gave somebody sense to make drugs, I’m going to have sense enough to take them. He is very cautious about taking drugs and managing pain.
The CAT scan came back that there could be cancer, 2 or 3 different types, I zoned out when I heard it could also be part of the mono virus. So he gets his tonsils out and again the doctor goes on about cancers…blah…blah…”and a possible virus”. So again I checked out and knew this was a virus. I mean come on a sinus infection for 10 months and just now lymph node involvement, it’s mono…
Monday, August 20 at 4:30 p.m. my husband gets the results from the doctor, nasal pharyngeal carcinoma. He gets off the phone and says “well I’ve got cancer” like “i’m going to go water the garden”, like it’s something we deal with all the time. I thought “well I’m going to go pee on a stick and see if I’m pregnant”, I’ll show you! (It’s physically impossible for us to have any more babies because of the implementation of a surgical procedure.) But the way he said it was like it was no biggie. I asked him if he was expecting this news and he said, “Angi the doctor told us all the possibilities and the likelihood of cancer.” Ummm, yea well how long has he known me and when have I ever listened to EVERYTHING?! I generally pick and choose what I want to hear. This has been diagnosed as Selective Listening, and apparently it’s genetic because I have siblings that suffer from this as well.
We met with the radiation oncologist and he said that as long as the cancer was from the clavicle up, “this is very curable”. I wrote that down in black ink. Anything found below the clavicle will be difficult and manageable. Trevor goes for his PET scan on Tuesday and our prayer is that this disease in localized from his neck up. That the lymph nodes involved along his jaw line and the cancer that was behind his adenoid tissue is it. God has been so faithful over the past 10 months that I know He is going to carry us through the next 7 weeks.
I HATE that my husband is going to have to go through this. I actually prayed this Thursday as I was leaving our school. We were scheduled to meet the radiation oncologist and I had dressed so smartly, I thought. I was trying to look like I have it all together, trying to make a good first impression. As I was leaving my children’s school, I stepped off the last step walking into the parking lot and wiped out, face planted tripping over my new CUTE wedge sandals, in my white pants. All this was witnessed by two cutsie mommies chatting it up in there cute little put together selves. Humbling…I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not. Cute wedge sandals aren’t worth it. I prayed all the way to the walk-in clinic “Please God let me have a broken foot and my husband not have cancer”, repeatedly. Well after he met me there, my foot is sprained really good and he still has cancer!
Something that I learned this week about my children and the way we’ve raised them. We’ve talked to them about making good choices. Society talks about drugs, alcohol, abstinence, those are choices. My kids think “Crap and Gosh” are bad words. And the word Cancer scares them to death, and you can’t choose cancer. Tell your children about cancer, it doesn’t always end in tragedy.
Our prayer is that his cancer is localized in his neck and adenoid tissue, that after 7 weeks of chemo and radiation Trevor be COMPLETELY healed and that our whinning doesn’t get in the way of God dumping his blessings on us and those around us.
“My Grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in weakness” II Corinthians 12:9
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)