All is well in our household on this cold, blustery, winter Wednesday. Lots of adjectives to describe all of us being home doing nothing and not gonna do anything this afternoon after school. Babies are bathed and in pajamas and it's only 4:00, but after the long night we had listening to the storm we're staying in tonight. It's "Tornado Season" here in Jackson, Tennessee. I have the bathroom prepared with the snack basket, weather radio, walkie-talkie's, power cord for phones and ipod's, snacks and waters. There are also candles, flashlights, butane lighters and lanterns on the back of the toilet. Several pair of tennis shoes in the sink...if you are prepared for it, it decreases the odds of it happening. So I prepared our 4 x 2 bathroom (it may not even be that big) under the stairs and waited for the sirens. When I woke at 12 am, lots of wind-LOTS but no sirens. Then the rain came after 1 with LOTS more wind, no sirens. I woke again at 3 to check on Trevor's snoring wondering if I had missed the sirens. We were spared after The Weather Channel was broadcasting in Memphis, where they received at least 3 inches of rain in an hour and had prepared us for the worst. No one wants to be a "Cantore's Story". Although we missed the bullet this time, I have seen several broadcasts of other locations that weren't as lucky. Mother Nature can be brutal!
I am trying to emotionally and physically prepare for Trevor's next treatment. He had a check-up last Friday and his chemo doctor recommended him to wait a week to begin the next round of maintenance chemo. He was scheduled to start today, but when Dr. Kauffman said that he wanted to wait I said "Thank You Jesus!". I really did, out loud. I told Kauffman that's what I had been praying for or that he would say Trevor didn't need anymore chemo. Trevor was very upset, he's ready to get it over with and I can understand that but he has been so sick that I told him not to do the last 2 treatments. I "ain't" proud, I'ld quit...He's having him wait because his throat is so irritated, swollen and red. He believes it's from the violent vomiting but if you put it in perspective his throat hasn't had a chance to heal from having his tonsils/adenoids taken out only 2 weeks before we started traveling this whole cancer road.
I'm relieved that Kauffman pushed it back. I know that means it will be later for him to finish but he's just now being able to talk and be understandable or not gag in his mouth while giving one word answers. He is able to talk to his children instead of them looking at him and them talk at him. He has actually been able to play a little basketball with Eli since his season started 3 weeks ago. He has been able to pick Neely up and hug her. I'm not even going to get into the things that I've missed, it gives me the shivers. Anticipation is everything in a marriage! I know he's ready to be done, so am I but our babies need to see their daddy participating in their lives even if it's a week at a time.
So many times I have thought about people in our community that have lost spouses or children after fighting there fight and fighting it with every breath. Trevor and I and Eli and Neely have been so blessed. Trevor isn't battling cancer at this point, he's battling the after affects of chemo. His doctor told him he would be able to work after taking 5 days of chemo...WHAT?! umm, no he can't! I know people do go back to work after they've had and hour of chemo or an afternoon of chemo, maybe not that day but maybe the next week. My man is getting 96 hours of continuous IV chemo of 2 drugs and it has knocked him on his tail. He is easily fatigued and generally has to have a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon. He gets up 5-6 times in the night because his mouth is so dry from the chemo.
So he we'll have had an extra 5 days to heal before he starts his second treatment. This maintenance chemo has been so hard on him. Before he left the hospital, his throat had started bleeding from his vomiting. He got home and the sores in his mouth and down his throat started as well as the loss of sensation in some of his fingers and toes. These are all side affects of the chemo drugs, on top of nausea. And if you read the previous post, I'm sure you saw the rant about the weekend nurse not controlling his nausea. We will go to the doctor Friday morning to find out when he is to check in to the hospital next week and I'm going to push for him to begin on Monday and go through Friday. I do not want to have to deal with a weekend nurse that doesn't know his history or won't take the time to read his chart or even will lie to my face. I'm getting fired up just thinking about that haint....When we get our orders, I'm going to ask for specific people to attend to him. He thinks I'm being crazy, but I don't have any problem asking for the best care for him. I do realize he will end up having to work with these people when he goes back, then they better do their job and treat him as if he was signing their check. I know I went too far with that statement, but did you laugh out loud?! I did, that's how adamant I am about his quality of care.
On the flip side of him getting to start his 2nd treatment later, he will be able to watch the Super Bowl. I'm pulling for the Ravens...Go Ray Lewis! Have you seen deer velvet when it comes off, it's bloody and nasty. Someone is going to track a buck wait for it to shed and then wring the velvet out for a hormone?! I'm sure it's more in depth than that but you get the gist of how ridiculous it is. My friend and I were talking about how nursing moms lose baby weight fast, it's hormone related. So if we could get that hormone from lactating mom and sell it, do you understand how silly that sounds...Silly all the way to the bank baby!
Thank you for continually lifting us up in your prayers. We have been blessed with strength and healing through your prayers. My friend "Angie" and I were talking and it seems that just since Trevor's diagnosis there have been so many people in our community that have been diagnosed with this terrible disease. It's heartbreaking that other families are living what we've been living through over the past 6 months. I ask that you would pray daily for one particular family in your community that is going through a rough time whether with illness, finances, deployment or loss. I ask that you would go before our Father with an open heart and ask Him how you can minister to that family, whether food (that's the Southern thing), car pool, match white socks, drag garbage cans to the road, whatever He lays on your heart and that you would be willing to do as He asks. Be prepared because He may have you pray for a family or situation YOU hadn't planned on and He may ask you to do something YOU aren't comfortable doing. But be assured when you follow His will, blessings will abound.
1 John 4:20 "For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen."
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Don't Get Excited...
Don't everybody get all giddy because I'm posting twice in a one week span. I just have sooo much going through my head and since one of my dern resolutions is to express myself so that I don't blow up over something dumb like running out of dishwasher tabs, I'm blogging...
It's day 4 of the first round of maintenance chemo and it has not been the best party Trevor has been to. Wednesday and Wednesday night, the night Florida got thrashed like they were the Vols this past season, was pretty good. He felt good, he actually ate/drank the hospital broth, juice and jell-o that was on his tray for all 3 meals. Our neighbor went and watched the last half of the Florida beat down. He slept okay until they came in about 2 a on Thursday to do a vital check and draw blood. Then the nausea started creeping up. He woke up and ate about 7, was medicated and then it he got sick.
His super nurse, I shall not name but everyone knows she's worthy of her name, medicated his butt and knocked him cold as a wedge. He slept about 4-5 hours and felt better when he woke but not so good that he could run a foot race. He asked for a little phenergren "pick me up" to get him through the late afternoon nausea. Friday, he was medicated @ 5 am, went back to sleep then woke and ate at 7. It was a better day. He got some phenergren later in the afternoon to keep his afternoon nausea at bay.
The kids and I have been going to check on him early in the morning and then in late afternoon before we have supper. Yesterday we went in the morning, and our crazy day kicked up after that. It was a Chuck E. Cheese kinda day, I know I'm nuts! But it was good especially with a coupon for pizza and 50 tokens. 50 tokens at CEC will get you a lot of tickets to spend at the junk counter. Eli had over 400 tickets, that's a lot of choices for a boy that can't choose between 2 things anyway. We ran errands, went home to shower off the CEC germs and talked about chores that need to be done and headed back to see dear old dad.
I have tried to keep things "normal" over the past 6 months and CEC seemed to be as about crazy-normal as talking about chores. Although, today, I've gotten over talking about chores and actually getting them done. I hate being home while Trevor is 10 minutes away in a hospital bed. I don't sleep well, I can't seem to be motivated... I don't function well period. My house is a wreck and I haven't cared until today. I had gotten so aggravated that cleaning seems to be the best alternative to blowing up.
We came to see Trevor this morning about 8:30, his parents were here checking on him and he had been sick twice. Needless to say the weekend nurse isn't familiar with him or his history. I so appreciate nurses. I do think that they are under appreciated and have a thankless job, kinda like teachers. BUT, and I know I will get grief over this, if you want to be appreciated and thanked DO YOUR JOB! If you only work weekends and you come in at 7am and work until 7 pm, read your patients chart. I do understand that nurses have more than 1 patient at a time and can't devote all of their attention to my man. If your patient has been sick twice in a 2 hour period, if you had read the daily notes in the chart you could have averted me being a haint to you.
Now that I've showed my tail, and my in-laws picked up on it too I'm sure, I need to apologize because I don't want my man paying for the rest of today, tonight and tomorrow because I ran my mouth...GAH!!!!! I think my problem is I am a very emotional person and I try to stuff my emotions down in my pockets so I don't do/say something I have to apologize for and BAM! What happens?! I spew and end up apologizing anyway.
After the babies and I left to go home and actually "do" chores, I just couldn't stop dwelling on how bad Trevor felt and how I felt his nurse wasn't doing all she could to get orders to narc him up to knock him out. I'll say it again, "if he is out like a light, he doesn't know how bad he feels so narc him up!" I pawned the babies onto the great neighbors that I've been training to be grandparents for their kids and came back to the hospital. He had dozed on and off, had just been medicated with Aloxi without the Adivan or steroids, eaten and now he is asleep...thank goodness. I haven't yet left the room to find his nurse to apologize for being a haint but I will. How can I rob God of being used and being seen through my husband when my mouth shoots off like Old Faithful?! It'll blow, maybe not every 96 minutes but it's a given. I need to control what spews forth and snippy attitude isn't a testimony to God's mercy, grace, healing, comfort, joy, blessings and faithfulness but a testimony to my weakness in trying to do it myself. That's not what God has asked of me. He has asked that I lay my worries at His feet. He has said that if I petition Him, He will hear and He will grant my needs according to His will...Why is that so hard for me to remember?
Please pray that today is the absolute worst it'll be for Trevor. That today being the last dose of the first round of maintenance chemo is the worst he will feel. Please pray that his nausea stays under control as well as my mouth and attitude. That both of us and our children are examples of Christ's mercy and faithfulness.
It's day 4 of the first round of maintenance chemo and it has not been the best party Trevor has been to. Wednesday and Wednesday night, the night Florida got thrashed like they were the Vols this past season, was pretty good. He felt good, he actually ate/drank the hospital broth, juice and jell-o that was on his tray for all 3 meals. Our neighbor went and watched the last half of the Florida beat down. He slept okay until they came in about 2 a on Thursday to do a vital check and draw blood. Then the nausea started creeping up. He woke up and ate about 7, was medicated and then it he got sick.
His super nurse, I shall not name but everyone knows she's worthy of her name, medicated his butt and knocked him cold as a wedge. He slept about 4-5 hours and felt better when he woke but not so good that he could run a foot race. He asked for a little phenergren "pick me up" to get him through the late afternoon nausea. Friday, he was medicated @ 5 am, went back to sleep then woke and ate at 7. It was a better day. He got some phenergren later in the afternoon to keep his afternoon nausea at bay.
The kids and I have been going to check on him early in the morning and then in late afternoon before we have supper. Yesterday we went in the morning, and our crazy day kicked up after that. It was a Chuck E. Cheese kinda day, I know I'm nuts! But it was good especially with a coupon for pizza and 50 tokens. 50 tokens at CEC will get you a lot of tickets to spend at the junk counter. Eli had over 400 tickets, that's a lot of choices for a boy that can't choose between 2 things anyway. We ran errands, went home to shower off the CEC germs and talked about chores that need to be done and headed back to see dear old dad.
I have tried to keep things "normal" over the past 6 months and CEC seemed to be as about crazy-normal as talking about chores. Although, today, I've gotten over talking about chores and actually getting them done. I hate being home while Trevor is 10 minutes away in a hospital bed. I don't sleep well, I can't seem to be motivated... I don't function well period. My house is a wreck and I haven't cared until today. I had gotten so aggravated that cleaning seems to be the best alternative to blowing up.
We came to see Trevor this morning about 8:30, his parents were here checking on him and he had been sick twice. Needless to say the weekend nurse isn't familiar with him or his history. I so appreciate nurses. I do think that they are under appreciated and have a thankless job, kinda like teachers. BUT, and I know I will get grief over this, if you want to be appreciated and thanked DO YOUR JOB! If you only work weekends and you come in at 7am and work until 7 pm, read your patients chart. I do understand that nurses have more than 1 patient at a time and can't devote all of their attention to my man. If your patient has been sick twice in a 2 hour period, if you had read the daily notes in the chart you could have averted me being a haint to you.
Now that I've showed my tail, and my in-laws picked up on it too I'm sure, I need to apologize because I don't want my man paying for the rest of today, tonight and tomorrow because I ran my mouth...GAH!!!!! I think my problem is I am a very emotional person and I try to stuff my emotions down in my pockets so I don't do/say something I have to apologize for and BAM! What happens?! I spew and end up apologizing anyway.
After the babies and I left to go home and actually "do" chores, I just couldn't stop dwelling on how bad Trevor felt and how I felt his nurse wasn't doing all she could to get orders to narc him up to knock him out. I'll say it again, "if he is out like a light, he doesn't know how bad he feels so narc him up!" I pawned the babies onto the great neighbors that I've been training to be grandparents for their kids and came back to the hospital. He had dozed on and off, had just been medicated with Aloxi without the Adivan or steroids, eaten and now he is asleep...thank goodness. I haven't yet left the room to find his nurse to apologize for being a haint but I will. How can I rob God of being used and being seen through my husband when my mouth shoots off like Old Faithful?! It'll blow, maybe not every 96 minutes but it's a given. I need to control what spews forth and snippy attitude isn't a testimony to God's mercy, grace, healing, comfort, joy, blessings and faithfulness but a testimony to my weakness in trying to do it myself. That's not what God has asked of me. He has asked that I lay my worries at His feet. He has said that if I petition Him, He will hear and He will grant my needs according to His will...Why is that so hard for me to remember?
Please pray that today is the absolute worst it'll be for Trevor. That today being the last dose of the first round of maintenance chemo is the worst he will feel. Please pray that his nausea stays under control as well as my mouth and attitude. That both of us and our children are examples of Christ's mercy and faithfulness.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013...Year of the Stewart's!
When I sit down to blog, (and I've intended to do it before now) I really never know how to start. I struggle with organizing my thoughts in case you didn't notice. Today I have defrocked my house of things Christmas festivities, thank goodness. All except the Christmas lights outside and I WILL get those down before the weeks end. The timer is jacked up so they come on at all odd times of the day and the precious night. They go along the front of our house, our bedroom is in the front of the house, so when they turn on at 2 a.m., I'm not a happy camper.
Enough of my reasons why I don't sleep at night...our Christmas was great. Eli proclaimed it "The Best Christmas Ever!" We enjoyed time with Trevor's family as well as mine and it was all very nice and relaxing. No tempers flared, no attitudes were misinterpreted and no words were spoken that couldn't be taken back or were wounding. It seems it never fails that during Thanksgiving and/or Christmas some one will say something that hurts another's feelings. And 9 times out of 10, I'm the one that spoke the words that hurt my relationship with a family member. Lots of gifts were given and received, lots of food was eaten and lots of time shared with each other about the thankfulness we have for this season and how fortunate we are to have been given God's Son as our Savior. My children's prayers at night have been of thanksgiving for the healing of their dad and for the gift of Jesus.
We will begin this new year in anticipation for great things. Tomorrow, Trevor will begin the first round of three of maintenance chemo. His doctor has prescribed only 2 drugs, Cystplatin and 5-FU. The Cystplatin was one of the drugs he took during his initial chemo treatments. This dosage will be twice the amount of what he took for 7 weeks. This is also the drug that make him nauseous. Needless to say, he isn't looking forward to taking that again, but he will also take the Anzmet for nauseau. The 5-FU will be something new for him. He will have to be admitted to the hospital for 96 hours to take it by IV. When his doctor told us that, our jaws dropped. 96 hours, 4 days and nights...he about when crazy for the 8 hours he was there taking chemo drugs the first time. I think it will be a different experience. He will not have been battling the side effects of radiation so I believe he'll have more stamina than before.
To keep it in perspective, it's only 3 times in a period of 12 weeks. So every 4 weeks he'll have to be admitted for chemo for 4 days. Yes there are side effects, possible mouth sores, possible diarrhea, possible...just because it's possible doesn't mean it'll happen to him. That has been my prayer is that he keep a positive attitude, that his body is strong enough that these "possible" side effects won't hinder him. He is looking forward to going back to work at the end of January and he doesn't want to go back fighting side effects of chemo. Also, this is the last step to ensuring that this cancer doesn't rear it's ugly head again. It's like Nanny McPhee, as one step is completed an ugly wart disappears, except warts aren't disappearing we're just one step closer to being completely healed.
Over this Christmas break, we've "enjoyed" each other's company. I use enjoy loosely, he has about gone stir crazy watching old Christmas movies with me. I dvr'ed Meet Me in St. Louis, when we were all in the living room and I hit play, he didn't get up and walk out but when the broke out in song, he cringed. He didn't complain just sat there looking like he would choke! I turned it off, I hated to make him sit through another after he watched Christmas in Connecticut and Love Actually with me. We've watched so much Property Brothers that I half expect to come home to him having ripped out a bathroom. Or even see the table set with something that he has seen on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. For a man that can't keep solid food down, he is a glutton for punishment watching all of the Food Network shows.
2013 will be the year the Stewart's do something besides meet our insurance deductible! The babies and I were discussing our New Year's Resolutions. Neely's is to have more fun...Eli's is to keep his temper in check and talk about what aggravates him and not just walk away in a huff...mine is to lead a healthier lifestyle. I'm sure some of you rolled your eyes, I did when I actually saw that I wrote that down. But healthier doesn't mean I have to be radical. I can decrease the amount of sodas I drink in a week or decrease the amount of sugar I eat or increase the veggies or water I take in. We'll see, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. I told the Neely and Eli that when you write your resolutions down and keep them in front of you, your were more likely to attempt these small feats. I can't imagine what Neely could do to have more fun, she lives the life of a barefooted princess as it is. As for Eli, he and I will both work on our temperament.
So many of you have been faithful in your prayers for my family and I can't say enough how thankful we are and how your prayers do affect us. Trevor and I were talking about how people that don't have a church family or a Christian family or even people to pray for them and over therm, how they get through life's challenges. We can't imagine going through past 15 months without prayer warriors by our side. I hope that you each take advantage of 2013. Since the Mayans were off with predicting the world's end, live each day to the fullest. Try to say an encouraging word to one person each day and take an opportunity to enjoy what God has blessed you with and share with someone.
Enjoy the bowl games...go SEC!
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
Enough of my reasons why I don't sleep at night...our Christmas was great. Eli proclaimed it "The Best Christmas Ever!" We enjoyed time with Trevor's family as well as mine and it was all very nice and relaxing. No tempers flared, no attitudes were misinterpreted and no words were spoken that couldn't be taken back or were wounding. It seems it never fails that during Thanksgiving and/or Christmas some one will say something that hurts another's feelings. And 9 times out of 10, I'm the one that spoke the words that hurt my relationship with a family member. Lots of gifts were given and received, lots of food was eaten and lots of time shared with each other about the thankfulness we have for this season and how fortunate we are to have been given God's Son as our Savior. My children's prayers at night have been of thanksgiving for the healing of their dad and for the gift of Jesus.
We will begin this new year in anticipation for great things. Tomorrow, Trevor will begin the first round of three of maintenance chemo. His doctor has prescribed only 2 drugs, Cystplatin and 5-FU. The Cystplatin was one of the drugs he took during his initial chemo treatments. This dosage will be twice the amount of what he took for 7 weeks. This is also the drug that make him nauseous. Needless to say, he isn't looking forward to taking that again, but he will also take the Anzmet for nauseau. The 5-FU will be something new for him. He will have to be admitted to the hospital for 96 hours to take it by IV. When his doctor told us that, our jaws dropped. 96 hours, 4 days and nights...he about when crazy for the 8 hours he was there taking chemo drugs the first time. I think it will be a different experience. He will not have been battling the side effects of radiation so I believe he'll have more stamina than before.
To keep it in perspective, it's only 3 times in a period of 12 weeks. So every 4 weeks he'll have to be admitted for chemo for 4 days. Yes there are side effects, possible mouth sores, possible diarrhea, possible...just because it's possible doesn't mean it'll happen to him. That has been my prayer is that he keep a positive attitude, that his body is strong enough that these "possible" side effects won't hinder him. He is looking forward to going back to work at the end of January and he doesn't want to go back fighting side effects of chemo. Also, this is the last step to ensuring that this cancer doesn't rear it's ugly head again. It's like Nanny McPhee, as one step is completed an ugly wart disappears, except warts aren't disappearing we're just one step closer to being completely healed.
Over this Christmas break, we've "enjoyed" each other's company. I use enjoy loosely, he has about gone stir crazy watching old Christmas movies with me. I dvr'ed Meet Me in St. Louis, when we were all in the living room and I hit play, he didn't get up and walk out but when the broke out in song, he cringed. He didn't complain just sat there looking like he would choke! I turned it off, I hated to make him sit through another after he watched Christmas in Connecticut and Love Actually with me. We've watched so much Property Brothers that I half expect to come home to him having ripped out a bathroom. Or even see the table set with something that he has seen on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. For a man that can't keep solid food down, he is a glutton for punishment watching all of the Food Network shows.
2013 will be the year the Stewart's do something besides meet our insurance deductible! The babies and I were discussing our New Year's Resolutions. Neely's is to have more fun...Eli's is to keep his temper in check and talk about what aggravates him and not just walk away in a huff...mine is to lead a healthier lifestyle. I'm sure some of you rolled your eyes, I did when I actually saw that I wrote that down. But healthier doesn't mean I have to be radical. I can decrease the amount of sodas I drink in a week or decrease the amount of sugar I eat or increase the veggies or water I take in. We'll see, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. I told the Neely and Eli that when you write your resolutions down and keep them in front of you, your were more likely to attempt these small feats. I can't imagine what Neely could do to have more fun, she lives the life of a barefooted princess as it is. As for Eli, he and I will both work on our temperament.
So many of you have been faithful in your prayers for my family and I can't say enough how thankful we are and how your prayers do affect us. Trevor and I were talking about how people that don't have a church family or a Christian family or even people to pray for them and over therm, how they get through life's challenges. We can't imagine going through past 15 months without prayer warriors by our side. I hope that you each take advantage of 2013. Since the Mayans were off with predicting the world's end, live each day to the fullest. Try to say an encouraging word to one person each day and take an opportunity to enjoy what God has blessed you with and share with someone.
Enjoy the bowl games...go SEC!
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)