Don't everybody get all giddy because I'm posting twice in a one week span. I just have sooo much going through my head and since one of my dern resolutions is to express myself so that I don't blow up over something dumb like running out of dishwasher tabs, I'm blogging...
It's day 4 of the first round of maintenance chemo and it has not been the best party Trevor has been to. Wednesday and Wednesday night, the night Florida got thrashed like they were the Vols this past season, was pretty good. He felt good, he actually ate/drank the hospital broth, juice and jell-o that was on his tray for all 3 meals. Our neighbor went and watched the last half of the Florida beat down. He slept okay until they came in about 2 a on Thursday to do a vital check and draw blood. Then the nausea started creeping up. He woke up and ate about 7, was medicated and then it he got sick.
His super nurse, I shall not name but everyone knows she's worthy of her name, medicated his butt and knocked him cold as a wedge. He slept about 4-5 hours and felt better when he woke but not so good that he could run a foot race. He asked for a little phenergren "pick me up" to get him through the late afternoon nausea. Friday, he was medicated @ 5 am, went back to sleep then woke and ate at 7. It was a better day. He got some phenergren later in the afternoon to keep his afternoon nausea at bay.
The kids and I have been going to check on him early in the morning and then in late afternoon before we have supper. Yesterday we went in the morning, and our crazy day kicked up after that. It was a Chuck E. Cheese kinda day, I know I'm nuts! But it was good especially with a coupon for pizza and 50 tokens. 50 tokens at CEC will get you a lot of tickets to spend at the junk counter. Eli had over 400 tickets, that's a lot of choices for a boy that can't choose between 2 things anyway. We ran errands, went home to shower off the CEC germs and talked about chores that need to be done and headed back to see dear old dad.
I have tried to keep things "normal" over the past 6 months and CEC seemed to be as about crazy-normal as talking about chores. Although, today, I've gotten over talking about chores and actually getting them done. I hate being home while Trevor is 10 minutes away in a hospital bed. I don't sleep well, I can't seem to be motivated... I don't function well period. My house is a wreck and I haven't cared until today. I had gotten so aggravated that cleaning seems to be the best alternative to blowing up.
We came to see Trevor this morning about 8:30, his parents were here checking on him and he had been sick twice. Needless to say the weekend nurse isn't familiar with him or his history. I so appreciate nurses. I do think that they are under appreciated and have a thankless job, kinda like teachers. BUT, and I know I will get grief over this, if you want to be appreciated and thanked DO YOUR JOB! If you only work weekends and you come in at 7am and work until 7 pm, read your patients chart. I do understand that nurses have more than 1 patient at a time and can't devote all of their attention to my man. If your patient has been sick twice in a 2 hour period, if you had read the daily notes in the chart you could have averted me being a haint to you.
Now that I've showed my tail, and my in-laws picked up on it too I'm sure, I need to apologize because I don't want my man paying for the rest of today, tonight and tomorrow because I ran my mouth...GAH!!!!! I think my problem is I am a very emotional person and I try to stuff my emotions down in my pockets so I don't do/say something I have to apologize for and BAM! What happens?! I spew and end up apologizing anyway.
After the babies and I left to go home and actually "do" chores, I just couldn't stop dwelling on how bad Trevor felt and how I felt his nurse wasn't doing all she could to get orders to narc him up to knock him out. I'll say it again, "if he is out like a light, he doesn't know how bad he feels so narc him up!" I pawned the babies onto the great neighbors that I've been training to be grandparents for their kids and came back to the hospital. He had dozed on and off, had just been medicated with Aloxi without the Adivan or steroids, eaten and now he is asleep...thank goodness. I haven't yet left the room to find his nurse to apologize for being a haint but I will. How can I rob God of being used and being seen through my husband when my mouth shoots off like Old Faithful?! It'll blow, maybe not every 96 minutes but it's a given. I need to control what spews forth and snippy attitude isn't a testimony to God's mercy, grace, healing, comfort, joy, blessings and faithfulness but a testimony to my weakness in trying to do it myself. That's not what God has asked of me. He has asked that I lay my worries at His feet. He has said that if I petition Him, He will hear and He will grant my needs according to His will...Why is that so hard for me to remember?
Please pray that today is the absolute worst it'll be for Trevor. That today being the last dose of the first round of maintenance chemo is the worst he will feel. Please pray that his nausea stays under control as well as my mouth and attitude. That both of us and our children are examples of Christ's mercy and faithfulness.
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