Blessings in disguise…
If you haven’t heard via, fb, my friends or family members my daddy passed away this morning. It is bittersweet…He was 71, so young and yet his body had aged from years of poor choices.Daddy had diabetes and heart disease. He had smoked for as long as I can remember and I’m 41. If you asked him if he smoked he would say, “I only smoke 3 cigarettes a day”…I would say “Daddy it’s a yes/no question after you answer yes/no then the doctor will ask you how many”. He had been diagnosed with diabetes probably 15 years ago and he said he controlled it with “a little white pill”. In his mind if he took the pill he could still eat what he wanted. Genetics also play into this, but my 96 year old granddaddy controls his diabetes by watching his diet and taking his medication properly. I do have animosity toward my daddy because he chose to live his life and in choosing how he lived it he chose how he died.
When he started having TIA’s several years ago, a little bit of him died then. A little bit of brutal honesty hidden in humor, “that woman is so fat if you told her to leave it would take her 2 trips just to get her butt out the door”. After quadruple by-pass surgery a little bit of his confidence was gone. Then after years more of uncontrolled diabetes and a major stroke, more humor gone and replaced with hatefulness. The sad part about that is he really didn’t see himself as being hateful. He was living on an emotional roller coaster. My aunt finally got him on meds for his “blood pressure”, really for his depression. He swore he wasn’t depressed. But when he would start to get laugh or smile you would notice he would turn away with tears in his eyes.
The man the people knew was funny, he was generous, he was a Dixie Youth baseball coach and he was a good one, even when his teams lost. There are adults walking around that probably need therapy because he would have them take his shoe off and his left foot would come off with it. He would holler and make a big commotion as if an 8 year old child really could pull his foot off of his body. He got his left foot mashed off in a work accident at International Harvester 45 years ago and never stopped living. He still played sports. He was an avid softball player, a catcher. He was all about encouraging every kid on the team, even the short fat kid that “couldn’t catch a cold in the rain wearing only his underwear”! His public persona was almost larger than life. But when his body was beginning to succumb to diabetes and heart disease that larger than life man, became a very small angry person trapped inside his emotions.
There are 5 Harchfield children and we were raised “sparing the rod, spoiled the child”, “that for every choice you make good, bad or indifferent there is ALWAYS a price to pay”…I added…”you may not have to pay today, but one day the piper is gonna come a callin”. If you come home late, the door was locked, if you drive fast you WILL get a ticket…If you choose to smoke and have poor eating habits, genetics will come a callin and heart disease and diabetes will want to be paid! We are all dealing with daddy’s death differently. When I visited daddy, I never left anything unsaid. My brother’s and my sister and my mom are hurting and it hurts me that they are dealing with this. I’m angered that daddy robbed my brothers, my sister, my kids, neices and nephew and my mom of getting to grow old with them and laughing at his silliness. Instead we are mourning a man that was robbed of life because of diabetes and heart disease.
But anger aside, I’m dealing, my daddy impacted so many other lives. He and my mom raised me to be a Godly, confident woman…They raised 4 other children in the Lord’s house. We were raised with appreciation for what we had and not what we didn’t, “can’t miss what you never had”. I am grateful for his support and encouragement when he gave it. He was an emotional man that didn’t know how to express himself. To show sadness or grief was weakness, strong men don’t weep. He wept when he knew he wasn’t succeeding at beating his body at diabetes or heart disease.
As I told my babies of his passing this morning I told them that he was in Heaven walking around with 2 feet, his own teeth. That he is now healthy strong man, singing (and he had a great voice) with the angels. Neely says he’s wearing a man dress because he’s an angel…I know he’s laughing out loud about that.
II Timothy 4:7-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
My daddy did fight the good fight and he has finished his race and now he is receiving his crown…How AWESOME!
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