- If you need a refresher from where we were 11 months ago, block out an afternoon to go back and catch up...I need to blog an update but my "to do" list doesn't seem to be acquiring any check offs and that is in the top 3 right next to finish laundry and mop! And so much has happened in our household since last I posted. WE passed 2nd grade, there was never any doubt. Neely came to me the week before school was out and told me she thought she needed a math tutor...so she's enrolled in Math Camp at the end of summer to prepare for 3rd grade math. Eli passed with flying (yet some lazy) colors into 5th grade. His teacher said something at the end of school that I knew but didn't resonate with me until she said it, "it has to be important to him and he has to want to work for it..." That's the problem most everything is easy for him and he doesn't have to work at it and right now it isn't important to him. I'm hoping 5th grade he's really going to want to play football and be in the school play so he's REALLY going to have to want to work hard to EARN his A's!
Enough about my little bundles of entertainment and strife and joy and worry...Trevor is doing REALLY well. He will have his last PET scan in August. His previous scan in March showed no active cancer growing. His doctors have said that he is cancer free but they won't say remission or "cured" until after his last PET. He has returned to work and works 8 days and is off 6. We're going into his 4th week of working a complete shift (7-5/6ish) and complete 8 days. Today (Thursday) was his first day back on after being off for 8 days. On his last set of days off before this last week (7/3-7/10) he: Thursday & Friday cut trees down and loaded them for the dump for some doctors he works for at the hospital. His nephew helped out A LOT. I didn't realize how much Jerrod did until he had to go to his real job that pays for his future with his fiancee until I volunteered to help.
We were supposed to go to Big Sandy for the weekend and get Eli from his overnight camp experience. (which one of the greatest things my son LEARNED was how to put crawdads on people's nips while they were sleeping! one of lots of great things he enjoyed was swinging from a 5 story swing!) The best thing about the camp was that he got to experience other kids and counselors that were outdoors men and hunters that were Christians and professed their relationship with Christ. He was at camp with 10 kids he know from school and baseball but he got to experience other grown men (strangers) professing their faith and thanksgiving to God for where they are in their own lives. Totally different experience than his mama and daddy teaching it, praying it and living it then sending him off to school where other families are seemingly doing the same thing. I also got a new appreciation for him as my son. From the time I dropped him off Neely never stopped talking and she talks and sings randomly. I never knew how much he translates or buffers for me until he wasn't hear. My boy is going to be a great man simply for the fact of the tolerance he has for Neely and her random questions and conversations! LOVE HIM!
Anyway, I volunteered for Neely and I to help him finish cleaning one doctors yard up, picking up leaves and stray limbs that didn't make it to the trailer. Of course he's working in the hottest week yet this summer. I told Neely there is no way we can complain or whine because Trevor has been outside doing this for 2 days already and not complained about heat, about himself getting too hot, his clothes sticky or about how "bored" he is doing it. She and I work for 2 hours, I have to go home and change my bra and panties while going through Sonic to appease my little princess. I thought if we helped we would get out of Jackson sooner, he would appreciate what he does for our family and love me even more if that's possible (I may get some sort of bonus out of this in the end like a mani/pedi). I was also trying to alleviate the burden of hard work from him and to show him I am capable. So after I put on jeans and long sleeves (it's 175 degrees outside with a heat index of 300) I go to help. Neely bailed she went to my aunts to do anything but be outside. We fill one trailer full of tree limbs and branches in like2 hours. He takes that load to the dump, I go home and change into cotton panty #3 and a new athletic bra. I just knew I had lost at least 12 pounds and was so looking forward to fitting into shorts that don't include elastic...WRONG! The job got done and was over but I didn't do audible complaining.
We went to his parents house and he helped his dad do the exact same thing, took Eli fishing and the icing on the cake...He watered skied! He hasn't skied in 2 years because of the deer stand altercation. It was funny watching his scrawny tail ski on 2 skis, he has always slalomed. He said it was even awkward trying to get up on 2 so he ended up dropping and skied across the wake like he used to. I was so proud of him and got to see a glimpse of his old sexy physique...biceps bulging as the boat was pulling him, quads firm as he was crossing back and forth across the wake...OMGOODNESS, if his parents hadn't been in the boat and our babies sitting right there, I may have made some colorful remarks...I refrained for embarrassing myself again. And then he was done, he let go and got back in the boat, exhausted but rejuvenated and encouraged that he has now accomplished everything he did prior to cancer and deer stand altercation.
We just returned yesterday from the Redneck Riviera as one of my brother's refers to it, Destin. Trevor took off work last Wednesday, we left early and returned yesterday (Wednesday) late afternoon. It rained the first couple of days but I so enjoyed being away. Rain there is totally different than rain at the beach. At the beach it's still vacation! We all used good tan management, although since Eli is a water baby his sunscreen kept getting wiped off every time he took his goggles off. His nose is already pealing but his hair is blonder and it makes his eyes look bluer. Princess overcame so much on this trip. She got into the pool and swam underwater. She ordered all of her meals on her own when speaking to strangers (servers) she played in the salt water and even got her hair wet! She also is brown as a biscuit. We did practice tan management with Trevor, but I think his skin is still sensitive. His belly has 3 red stripes from where he was sitting in the beach chair Friday morning while the sun was still hidden behind the clouds. So we used total coverage with sunscreen from then on.
We loved eating the great fresh seafood. It was more difficult for my man to eat because he still has dry mouth from the radiation. He ordered extra butter or ranch to eat with everything. We did learn Mahi Mahi is a firmer fish and harder for him to swallow whereas the Grouper was more tender and easier to swallow. It was a great trip with great family. We brought home lots of sand, lots of shells and lots of natural vitamin D. Trevor went back to work today after being off for 8 days instead of 6 but he started his day by having to go get blood work done to see his chemo-oncologist. He found out that he would be seeing the nurse practitioner and decided he wasn't going to go, it would be a wasted trip. The nurse practitioner last time really couldn't do anything without Kauffman's approval. He called to reschedule, no way no how they were going to let him. So he gets blood work at the beginning of the day. He proceeds to get to work late to treat patients, has to leave early to go see nurse practitioner. His blood work comes back A-OKAY! Dr. Kauffman has discharged him, no more chemo doctor! Trevor has one last PET scan in August (I mentioned that in the beginning in case you were skimming and didn't catch it) and when that comes back clean, we can start a new book...WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!! Can a sister get a "PTL!" or an "AMEN from the back"!
As our family sat down for dinner it was a realization of being truly blessed with family and friends that have fervently prayed for us and with us and prayed for complete healing for Trevor and for our family It's funny that we get a love note from God through all of this with your continued prayers, random messages, kind words, words of accountability. 1 Peter 5:10 appears..."And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore (done), confirm (reaffirmed us), strengthen (done with our family and marriage) and establish you." Can I get a witness?! God is so good to us and blessed us immeasurably! Thank you so much for your prayers...
(BTW...our next chapter in this story will not be riddled with random illness. Probably be more along the lines of how my son will play 5th grade football while he also wants to be in the elementary production of "Huck Finn". Also be about my princess' randomness and her love of piano and dogs (that she won't pet) and her tumbling experiences. Right now she's as limber as a 2 x 4 but very determined. She makes me SO proud in her thoughtfulness in wanting to try new things and following through. Whereas, her brother throws caution to the wind...(that's one reason we meet our insurance deductible quickly!)
Love you all for your dedication in continuing to keep up with us, laugh and cry with us but most importantly pray with/for us!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Look How Far We've Come in 11 Months...
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Made for TV Hallmark Movie...AND BEST NEWS YET!
I've told this story so many times but this weekend Trevor and I told it together, well at least the parts that overlapped. I've never heard his version of our story but I've told him that Dermot Mulroney will play him in our movie and initially I thought Vanessa Marcil would play me. I would even get a tramp stamp so that we it be more believable but the last thing I saw her in, she had had some botox or something done and I didn't like the looks of the outcome. So I think I'm going to opt for Emma Stone to play me. LOTS of you have heard this so skip ahead to the important bold stuff at the bottom. I just needed to replay the past for you so I can appreciate where my husband is and how much he truly loves me and has always cared for me.
Okay, picture it UTM, fall of 1991...my room mate and I were chit-chatting it up one night in our bunk beds. Low and behold there was a surprise room check! I was sitting on my top bunk in a floral night gown, there was a knock on the door and the door knob jangled and then the door opened-we hadn't locked our door. Dorm orientation 101, always lock your door especially at night. This tall, dark haired, blue eyed guy comes in, he is wearing red mesh basketball shorts and a with t-shirt with Red Devil basketball on the front. He introduces himself as an RA and encourages us to follow dorm policies. When he walks out I'm sure I made some smart-alleck comment about "he's a stud-muffin" or something in the like!
Anyway, I had started hanging out with this freshman guy, Chad and we had planned on doing something, I now have know idea what it was but before we were going to do it, he had to go to his floor meeting. Lo and behold, who is the RA on THAT floor doing the introductions, policies and procedures, you got it the same RA and this time I remembered his name...Trevor! That night I also met 3 other guys, Chris, Nathan and Ed who even now are the dearest of friends. Even with on-again-off-again with Chad, those guys remained my friends too. The thing with having guy friends is even when a relationship with one of their good friends doesn't work out, they don't severe all ties with the other party (me), women could learn from this...
Fast Forward to September 27, 1995....I've graduated college, Chad will graduate in the following spring but we were no longer dating but still talking. Ed and Chris had graduated. Nathan was in Nurse Practitioner school at Vanderbilt and Trevor was in PT school at UT Memphis. I started a job at the Jackson Family YMCA August 30. I had been driving to Jackson from Millington daily until I got an apartment in Jackson.
It was a Thursday night and I had just gotten off the exit to go to my parents house...
My mom had called the sheriff in Fayette County, because she knew him and he knew our family, because she just had a "feeling something had happened to me" after the her phone rang and no one was there. If you are a mom, you may have had that kind of feeling before. He said something to the effect of "now Carmen..." with a humoring attitude. Mom began to pray for my safety. No sooner had she hung up, she said the phone rang again and it was the sheriff. He began with, "Carmen, I don't know how you knew, but an off duty state trooper just saw an accident and ran the plates. It turns out it is Angi's car. She is responsive and seems to be okay, scrapes, cuts and a broken leg. He called for LifeFlight because he assumed it was more serious than what it was. By the time you get to the MED, she'll be there and you can probably take her home tonight."
At the time, my sister did peritoneal dialysis at home so my dad had to stay home with her. My brother had just come home from work at Charm's Candy Factory so he drove my mom to the MED. When they got to the MED, emergency personnel was just bringing me down from the helicopter pad. My mom said that I was unrecognizable. She said that my left eyelid was ripped nearly off and was hanging to the side of my eye. I had blood all over me. She kept telling nurses to explain to me what they were doing and what to expect and I would cooperate but I didn't cooperate blindly. My brother was shell-shocked at my appearance. As they began examining me, I didn't sustain a broken back, but had shattered L4 in my back. I had a lacerated liver, punctured lung, mashed intestines and lots of cuts.
The EMT's on the scene had been friends of mine and my brother's. They kept telling me to lie still, keep calm they would do their job. From what has been told to me, I was super excited to see somebody I knew. When the trooper got to me, my car was upside down, a barbed wire fence post had gone through the windshield of my car and another had come through the back glass and I was hanging over the fence upside down halfway in my car. I've tried to picture this and I think only a contortionist could pull this stunt off. The trooper said that it was me, a herd of cows and a cattle chute and me saying, "um 'scuse em, could somebody help me?..." and cows mooing back in response. Randomness follows me in all shapes, sizes and animals...
I'll follow up with the next installment sometime later over spring break this week...
More importantly than a story that began over 20 years ago...Trevor had his follow up appointment with the Radiology Oncologist on Friday and news is GREAT! From physical examinations, blood work and results of his PET scan, he has no cancer in his body!!!! We will have one more visit in June and they should tie up any loose ends he may have. Trevor still has the feeding tube and had planned on seeing his GI doctor about his throat issues and the possibility of having to have his throat dilated so that he can start swallowing better. The doctor said that he recommends him to let his throat continue to heal on it's own for at least 2 months. He didn't want Trevor to risk having a procedure that may be unwarranted just because Trevor is anxious to get something done. He said his throat is still healing from radiation as well as massive amounts of chemo that caused violent vomiting. He reassured us that this is just a process in healing properly. If something needs to be done about his throat at least give it time to heal from one traumatic event before undergoing another.
So in the scheme of healing and this week of Spring Break and Easter, Trevor has plans of fishing, putting out his turkey blind, sighting in his and Eli's guns to hunt and hopefully some of the stuff on the Spring Cleaning list.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Okay, picture it UTM, fall of 1991...my room mate and I were chit-chatting it up one night in our bunk beds. Low and behold there was a surprise room check! I was sitting on my top bunk in a floral night gown, there was a knock on the door and the door knob jangled and then the door opened-we hadn't locked our door. Dorm orientation 101, always lock your door especially at night. This tall, dark haired, blue eyed guy comes in, he is wearing red mesh basketball shorts and a with t-shirt with Red Devil basketball on the front. He introduces himself as an RA and encourages us to follow dorm policies. When he walks out I'm sure I made some smart-alleck comment about "he's a stud-muffin" or something in the like!
Anyway, I had started hanging out with this freshman guy, Chad and we had planned on doing something, I now have know idea what it was but before we were going to do it, he had to go to his floor meeting. Lo and behold, who is the RA on THAT floor doing the introductions, policies and procedures, you got it the same RA and this time I remembered his name...Trevor! That night I also met 3 other guys, Chris, Nathan and Ed who even now are the dearest of friends. Even with on-again-off-again with Chad, those guys remained my friends too. The thing with having guy friends is even when a relationship with one of their good friends doesn't work out, they don't severe all ties with the other party (me), women could learn from this...
Fast Forward to September 27, 1995....I've graduated college, Chad will graduate in the following spring but we were no longer dating but still talking. Ed and Chris had graduated. Nathan was in Nurse Practitioner school at Vanderbilt and Trevor was in PT school at UT Memphis. I started a job at the Jackson Family YMCA August 30. I had been driving to Jackson from Millington daily until I got an apartment in Jackson.
It was a Thursday night and I had just gotten off the exit to go to my parents house...
My mom had called the sheriff in Fayette County, because she knew him and he knew our family, because she just had a "feeling something had happened to me" after the her phone rang and no one was there. If you are a mom, you may have had that kind of feeling before. He said something to the effect of "now Carmen..." with a humoring attitude. Mom began to pray for my safety. No sooner had she hung up, she said the phone rang again and it was the sheriff. He began with, "Carmen, I don't know how you knew, but an off duty state trooper just saw an accident and ran the plates. It turns out it is Angi's car. She is responsive and seems to be okay, scrapes, cuts and a broken leg. He called for LifeFlight because he assumed it was more serious than what it was. By the time you get to the MED, she'll be there and you can probably take her home tonight."
At the time, my sister did peritoneal dialysis at home so my dad had to stay home with her. My brother had just come home from work at Charm's Candy Factory so he drove my mom to the MED. When they got to the MED, emergency personnel was just bringing me down from the helicopter pad. My mom said that I was unrecognizable. She said that my left eyelid was ripped nearly off and was hanging to the side of my eye. I had blood all over me. She kept telling nurses to explain to me what they were doing and what to expect and I would cooperate but I didn't cooperate blindly. My brother was shell-shocked at my appearance. As they began examining me, I didn't sustain a broken back, but had shattered L4 in my back. I had a lacerated liver, punctured lung, mashed intestines and lots of cuts.
The EMT's on the scene had been friends of mine and my brother's. They kept telling me to lie still, keep calm they would do their job. From what has been told to me, I was super excited to see somebody I knew. When the trooper got to me, my car was upside down, a barbed wire fence post had gone through the windshield of my car and another had come through the back glass and I was hanging over the fence upside down halfway in my car. I've tried to picture this and I think only a contortionist could pull this stunt off. The trooper said that it was me, a herd of cows and a cattle chute and me saying, "um 'scuse em, could somebody help me?..." and cows mooing back in response. Randomness follows me in all shapes, sizes and animals...
I'll follow up with the next installment sometime later over spring break this week...
More importantly than a story that began over 20 years ago...Trevor had his follow up appointment with the Radiology Oncologist on Friday and news is GREAT! From physical examinations, blood work and results of his PET scan, he has no cancer in his body!!!! We will have one more visit in June and they should tie up any loose ends he may have. Trevor still has the feeding tube and had planned on seeing his GI doctor about his throat issues and the possibility of having to have his throat dilated so that he can start swallowing better. The doctor said that he recommends him to let his throat continue to heal on it's own for at least 2 months. He didn't want Trevor to risk having a procedure that may be unwarranted just because Trevor is anxious to get something done. He said his throat is still healing from radiation as well as massive amounts of chemo that caused violent vomiting. He reassured us that this is just a process in healing properly. If something needs to be done about his throat at least give it time to heal from one traumatic event before undergoing another.
So in the scheme of healing and this week of Spring Break and Easter, Trevor has plans of fishing, putting out his turkey blind, sighting in his and Eli's guns to hunt and hopefully some of the stuff on the Spring Cleaning list.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Friday, March 15, 2013
Home...
We are FINALLY home! After 1 week of poison dripping into my man's veins, after countless amounts of nausea medicines, after a case of Peptamen boxed nourishment, an infinite of amount of prayers and praises and an altercation in 4th grade the Eagle is nesting in his own bed. You know that saying "Home is where the heart is"? My mailing address is 48 Vistaview Cove, but my heart has been in room B985 for five days. I love my house but it hasn't been homey enough (excluding laundry and dust bunnies mating) since my man hasn't been here. The babies and I haven't really been her except to sleep and eat breakfast but when Trevor isn't here it's just not where I want to be.
I have been picking my children up at school and we would either come home to bathe before going to the hospital or go to the hospital and come home to wash school and hospital germs off. Trevor wants to see his babies everyday, he may not say a lot but just having them bicker with each other I guess reminds him of home. When we get to the hospital, they are chatting about nothing and arguing about who gets to play their dad's phone. He gets caught up on school happenings and we jet home to begin homework, baths and bedtime. This weeks school happenings involved 2nd grade graded papers and a 4th grade "trucking" incident. Those of you that have not learned elementary lingo, find the nearest McDonald's or park and ask kid what "trucking" is...
Neely's graded papers weren't anything spectacular but I'm led to believe it's because she's had a lot to emotionally deal with over the past 2 weeks. Preparing for her dad to go into the hospital last week and he didn't, really through her knowing she had to look forward to his absence from home this week. My kids function by the seat of their pants like their mom when their dad isn't home. Eli got into a football skirmish on the playground. One of his 4th grade buddies he's known since kindergarten had a meeting of the minds. It basically boiled down to Eli running this kid over (trucking him) because Eli couldn't take anymore of the boys aggravation.
At least once a week since kindergarten, Eli has gotten in the van and complained about what this kid has said or what he did. Several times he has gotten in the van because he got his strip pulled because something this kid did and either Eli retaliated and got caught or the story was misrepresented and they got into trouble. No matter, this week my son had had enough. I had told him if the boy (or anyone) won't leave you alone or he touches you, you touch him harder then tell your teacher. "I got your back", is what I said if he got into trouble but I can't do anything if you don't tell your teacher. So this week, the kid kicks Eli in the package area and Eli "trucks" him on the football field. He went and told his teacher just like we discussed but he left out the key to the whole "trucking" ordeal. Even when I went with him for moral support to tell his side of the story, he never told his teacher that the kid kicked him. Eli assured his teacher he was fine, he just wanted to be moved away from the kid in the classroom.
I am so proud of him for standing up for himself and I told him so. But we also had to discuss running a kid over isn't always the best way to handle things. He got such a boost of self-awareness for running the kid over, I couldn't believe how confident he is. He isn't sorry (and I'm not going to make him apologize if they are empty words) but feels like this kid won't be telling him "you should never have been born", "your mom is lazy", "you have a sorry family", "you're dumb and stupid" or won't be sucker punching him in the bathroom or when the teacher's back is turned or kicking him in the crotch. He got in the van yesterday and said that neither he nor the kid could play football for the rest of the year. I think that is fair punishment, he's devastated! As for the kid, his mom is SOOOO sweet and I wonder if she knows her son runs his mouth or does silly things. I SUREly know my son isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not getting mixed up in 4th grade boy drama, they can work it out on their own if they want to play together. They will be in school together until they graduate so they might as well work it out now or avoid each other for the next 8 years. We go to a pretty small school, avoidance means crossing to the other side of the hallway or eating on opposite ends of the cafeteria.
I'm anxious to see what Trevor says when he comes out of his drug induced stupor. We don't condone fighting but we don't want our children to be run over either. Eli is not aggressive by nature anyway, he sucks it up until he can't take anymore, obviously. His teacher did tell him he didn't have to suck it up, she encouraged him to talk to her about it. She can't see what 20 kids at a time do or say, especially if she's teaching and even more when they are mixed up with 40 other 4th graders. She needs to know what kids are saying and doing. He understood and said he would let her or someone know next time someone bothered him. He really won't though. He'll get in the van and unload and my job is to LISTEN...
Do you ever have trouble just sitting there and listening? Listening to a 10 year old rant, they don't want you to say anything and if you do, be prepared whatever you say is not right. "You don't understand"...gahhhh...never thought I would hear that because I thought I did understand. You know that when we start on a rant, God is listening and He can fix it but that means we have to do the listening too. God has listened to me so much over the past 18 months and I've found that I haven't been doing as much listening as I need to be because I'm trying to fix it on my own. Someone asked me what I've learned through this cancer situation, I've learned that I have to stop and listen. His answers have been so clear, I just have to listen.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your encouraging words. Thank you for your frienships.
Angi
I have been picking my children up at school and we would either come home to bathe before going to the hospital or go to the hospital and come home to wash school and hospital germs off. Trevor wants to see his babies everyday, he may not say a lot but just having them bicker with each other I guess reminds him of home. When we get to the hospital, they are chatting about nothing and arguing about who gets to play their dad's phone. He gets caught up on school happenings and we jet home to begin homework, baths and bedtime. This weeks school happenings involved 2nd grade graded papers and a 4th grade "trucking" incident. Those of you that have not learned elementary lingo, find the nearest McDonald's or park and ask kid what "trucking" is...
Neely's graded papers weren't anything spectacular but I'm led to believe it's because she's had a lot to emotionally deal with over the past 2 weeks. Preparing for her dad to go into the hospital last week and he didn't, really through her knowing she had to look forward to his absence from home this week. My kids function by the seat of their pants like their mom when their dad isn't home. Eli got into a football skirmish on the playground. One of his 4th grade buddies he's known since kindergarten had a meeting of the minds. It basically boiled down to Eli running this kid over (trucking him) because Eli couldn't take anymore of the boys aggravation.
At least once a week since kindergarten, Eli has gotten in the van and complained about what this kid has said or what he did. Several times he has gotten in the van because he got his strip pulled because something this kid did and either Eli retaliated and got caught or the story was misrepresented and they got into trouble. No matter, this week my son had had enough. I had told him if the boy (or anyone) won't leave you alone or he touches you, you touch him harder then tell your teacher. "I got your back", is what I said if he got into trouble but I can't do anything if you don't tell your teacher. So this week, the kid kicks Eli in the package area and Eli "trucks" him on the football field. He went and told his teacher just like we discussed but he left out the key to the whole "trucking" ordeal. Even when I went with him for moral support to tell his side of the story, he never told his teacher that the kid kicked him. Eli assured his teacher he was fine, he just wanted to be moved away from the kid in the classroom.
I am so proud of him for standing up for himself and I told him so. But we also had to discuss running a kid over isn't always the best way to handle things. He got such a boost of self-awareness for running the kid over, I couldn't believe how confident he is. He isn't sorry (and I'm not going to make him apologize if they are empty words) but feels like this kid won't be telling him "you should never have been born", "your mom is lazy", "you have a sorry family", "you're dumb and stupid" or won't be sucker punching him in the bathroom or when the teacher's back is turned or kicking him in the crotch. He got in the van yesterday and said that neither he nor the kid could play football for the rest of the year. I think that is fair punishment, he's devastated! As for the kid, his mom is SOOOO sweet and I wonder if she knows her son runs his mouth or does silly things. I SUREly know my son isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not getting mixed up in 4th grade boy drama, they can work it out on their own if they want to play together. They will be in school together until they graduate so they might as well work it out now or avoid each other for the next 8 years. We go to a pretty small school, avoidance means crossing to the other side of the hallway or eating on opposite ends of the cafeteria.
I'm anxious to see what Trevor says when he comes out of his drug induced stupor. We don't condone fighting but we don't want our children to be run over either. Eli is not aggressive by nature anyway, he sucks it up until he can't take anymore, obviously. His teacher did tell him he didn't have to suck it up, she encouraged him to talk to her about it. She can't see what 20 kids at a time do or say, especially if she's teaching and even more when they are mixed up with 40 other 4th graders. She needs to know what kids are saying and doing. He understood and said he would let her or someone know next time someone bothered him. He really won't though. He'll get in the van and unload and my job is to LISTEN...
Do you ever have trouble just sitting there and listening? Listening to a 10 year old rant, they don't want you to say anything and if you do, be prepared whatever you say is not right. "You don't understand"...gahhhh...never thought I would hear that because I thought I did understand. You know that when we start on a rant, God is listening and He can fix it but that means we have to do the listening too. God has listened to me so much over the past 18 months and I've found that I haven't been doing as much listening as I need to be because I'm trying to fix it on my own. Someone asked me what I've learned through this cancer situation, I've learned that I have to stop and listen. His answers have been so clear, I just have to listen.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your encouraging words. Thank you for your frienships.
Angi
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Birthday Wishes...
Today, March 13 is my man's 41st birthday. When we were about to turn 40, several people commented that 40 is the new 30, or 40 is when you come into your own, 40's are great...you get the picture. When my man turned 40, he was recovering from a deer stand altercation with 3 compression fractures in his back. Today he is 41 and lying in a hospital bed getting his last round of chemo. So far his 40's have been very memorable but nothing that anyone else wants to experience.
Through the past 18 months I have learned so much about the character of my husband. he hasn't faltered in his beliefs or morals. He has endured much physical and emotional pain with no complaining or whining, except by me. He has sustained me with encouraging words when I have come undone over the small things, like laundry. My husband has made me laugh. Watched me when I cried, then wiped my tears and hugged me tight. He has watched me succeed and seen me fail. Trevor has cheered me on and kept me strong. I have wanted some of those qualities to rub off on me, kinda like a chameleon changes color.
Now that we are on the back side of this situation, we are continuing to look forward. Forward being soccer for Eli and also at the last minute, baseball. Yep, my boy decided to play and we are looking forward to a great season on a team with a new coach and new team mates. Those of you that know me know that I will have to make a blanket apology before the season begins. If you sit next to me at practice or games and I offend you by cheering loudly, I apologize but don't sit by me if you don't want to be offended. If you choose to sit beside me and continue to get offended then you must be a glutton for punishment because every child deserves a cheer leader and if you as a parent aren't willing to encourage/cheer for your child, I will! Eli is also playing soccer. He loves it and seems to be good. I know NOTHING about soccer. I'm just now getting a handle on off-sides but other than that I'm lost unless a goal is scored.
Neely plays piano, whick is not very competitive so she's happy as a lark. It also isn't a team sport so she's good. She wants to try gymnastics but again that's a competitive sport and people watch you. She so isn't like her brother, she doesn't want people looking at her or watching her. He wants as much attention as he can get! She has been such a mother and nurse maid for her daddy. She wants to be sure he's comfortable and taken care of. She will be a great wife and mother...one day...a long time away...at least 20 years!
As we prepare for spring and summer, Trevor already tilled the garden last week so when he gets his strength back we'll be ready to start putting in the garden by April. When it snowed a couple of weeks ago, he was digging holes for us to plant grape vines and fruit trees. We got those planted and will probably have peaches this summer. He didn't get to deer hunt or duck hunt much at all this fall and winter and he probably won't get to turkey hunt too much either. It's kinda warm during turkey season (it's sad that I know this) and when he gets too warm or hot, he get nauseous. And we all know nausea us no fun. While it was snowing and he was digging holes for fruit trees, he had taken off his coat and sweat shirt and was digging in short sleeves because he got hot. We live in the Mid-South where it's hot and humid so Trevor's summer could be adjusted to inside things. Hopefully the side effects of the chemo will have expired by the time it gets good and hot/humid and he'll be able to fish, hunt and water ski as well as play ball with Eli.
My wish for him is that this week and next go as well as his previous treatment. He has the patch to put on Friday morning before he leaves the hospital. I wish that his recovery be speedy with no more bumps. That his swallowing get better and better and that the feeding tube will come out soon. I wish is that he will be able to eat all the foods he has watched Guy Fieri prepare and eat on DDD! (That's a great bday idea...get Guy Fieri to come cook for him this summer when he can eat....hmmm...)
A friend of mine shared a verse with me that she has continued to pray over him, this is truly my birthday wish for him...thanks KV! Jeremiah 30:17 "For I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds."
Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband, the man God gift wrapped especially for me, the father that my babies are blessed to have as their own and the man that warms my bed at night!
Through the past 18 months I have learned so much about the character of my husband. he hasn't faltered in his beliefs or morals. He has endured much physical and emotional pain with no complaining or whining, except by me. He has sustained me with encouraging words when I have come undone over the small things, like laundry. My husband has made me laugh. Watched me when I cried, then wiped my tears and hugged me tight. He has watched me succeed and seen me fail. Trevor has cheered me on and kept me strong. I have wanted some of those qualities to rub off on me, kinda like a chameleon changes color.
Now that we are on the back side of this situation, we are continuing to look forward. Forward being soccer for Eli and also at the last minute, baseball. Yep, my boy decided to play and we are looking forward to a great season on a team with a new coach and new team mates. Those of you that know me know that I will have to make a blanket apology before the season begins. If you sit next to me at practice or games and I offend you by cheering loudly, I apologize but don't sit by me if you don't want to be offended. If you choose to sit beside me and continue to get offended then you must be a glutton for punishment because every child deserves a cheer leader and if you as a parent aren't willing to encourage/cheer for your child, I will! Eli is also playing soccer. He loves it and seems to be good. I know NOTHING about soccer. I'm just now getting a handle on off-sides but other than that I'm lost unless a goal is scored.
Neely plays piano, whick is not very competitive so she's happy as a lark. It also isn't a team sport so she's good. She wants to try gymnastics but again that's a competitive sport and people watch you. She so isn't like her brother, she doesn't want people looking at her or watching her. He wants as much attention as he can get! She has been such a mother and nurse maid for her daddy. She wants to be sure he's comfortable and taken care of. She will be a great wife and mother...one day...a long time away...at least 20 years!
As we prepare for spring and summer, Trevor already tilled the garden last week so when he gets his strength back we'll be ready to start putting in the garden by April. When it snowed a couple of weeks ago, he was digging holes for us to plant grape vines and fruit trees. We got those planted and will probably have peaches this summer. He didn't get to deer hunt or duck hunt much at all this fall and winter and he probably won't get to turkey hunt too much either. It's kinda warm during turkey season (it's sad that I know this) and when he gets too warm or hot, he get nauseous. And we all know nausea us no fun. While it was snowing and he was digging holes for fruit trees, he had taken off his coat and sweat shirt and was digging in short sleeves because he got hot. We live in the Mid-South where it's hot and humid so Trevor's summer could be adjusted to inside things. Hopefully the side effects of the chemo will have expired by the time it gets good and hot/humid and he'll be able to fish, hunt and water ski as well as play ball with Eli.
My wish for him is that this week and next go as well as his previous treatment. He has the patch to put on Friday morning before he leaves the hospital. I wish that his recovery be speedy with no more bumps. That his swallowing get better and better and that the feeding tube will come out soon. I wish is that he will be able to eat all the foods he has watched Guy Fieri prepare and eat on DDD! (That's a great bday idea...get Guy Fieri to come cook for him this summer when he can eat....hmmm...)
A friend of mine shared a verse with me that she has continued to pray over him, this is truly my birthday wish for him...thanks KV! Jeremiah 30:17 "For I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds."
Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband, the man God gift wrapped especially for me, the father that my babies are blessed to have as their own and the man that warms my bed at night!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Fun With "Dick and Jane"!
Here we are 2 weeks out of the hospital from 2nd round of maintenance chemo. Several things come to mind that are drug related....1-Drugs are a good thing...2-Sometimes patients (my man in this case) need drug advocates (me, generally in every incidence involving drugs)...3-I wish I had listened to a couple of friends when they told me about the Sancuso Patch, it's a good thing! We may be a test subject for Trevor's oncologist because he didn't have a lot of experience with this drug. Just FYI, if you or a loved one is battling cancer and the chemo is causing violent retching (this was the case for Trevor) the Sancuso Patch is a "Miracle"!!!! It also goes by the name of Kitrel. I had mentioned to Trevor's doctor that we were interested in trying it. Trevor told me not to push the issue if Dr. Kaufman didn't want to use it. I told Trevor, I would push until he was able to muzzle me, I would push it as far as I could to get the best possible result/treatment for him.
Anyway, after a week in the hospital taking as much IV chemo his veins could carry and twice blowing veins at the end of the week, we got the prescription for the patch. Dr. Kaufman proceeded to tell me that our pharmacy didn't subscribe to this drug and it would have to be ordered...Sure would like to have known that bit of information before being admitted...So it's a Friday, our pharmacy doesn't carry it, no pharmacy carries it, this drug patch has to be ordered. Trevor is discharged on Friday morning really medicated, I mean really medicated...and I'm ordering a patch that is supposed to decrease/eliminate the nausea. My man was so medicated last weekend he was texting me asking when he ate last or when he could take his next round of meds or if he I had medicated him. I got the patch the Monday and slapped it on him after he awoke from a phenegran/adivan sleep stupor. He slept another few hours and as of now his nausea has been dramatically reduced. This time 4 weeks ago after his first round of chemo, he was still nauseous and violently sick. Nope, not this week! He is up talking, walking down the street, able to carry on a conversation without gagging in his mouth...This is a good thing! We are now awaiting the arrival of the nasty mouth sores, although we may avoid this side effect altogether and that would be superbulous! When he goes back for the 3rd and FINAL maintenance round of chemo, I'll follow the directions for the patch and apply it 24 hours before chemo begins, who know maybe he won't be nauseous every day and vomit at all.
But while Trevor's life stopped over the past 2 weeks, my babies and I have been doing our elementary life, projects and all. Eli had a Black History project on Martin Luther King, Jr. He was so bummed he got "stuck" with MLK, he wanted Bill Cosby. I tried to explain Cosby wouldn't have had the chance if Martin Luther King, Jr. didn't have a dream. This project was very informational for me, did you know that Martin Luther King, Jr's real name was Michael. His father changed his and his son's name after a trip to Germany where they learned more of Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation. The tidbit of juicy history my boy took away from this Civil Right Leader was..."he was a lefty". Eli wanted to do his project on the basis that Martin Luther King, Jr. was left handed. MLK's dream didn't mean a whole lot but then again, Eli hasn't been raised the way I was or my parents so he doesn't see the impact this national figure has had on history. Or maybe, he isn't old enough to appreciate how far society has come OR maybe I'm naive about our racial cultures, I don't really know. I almost wish I had my son's mindset to see the simple things like MLK being left handed, not that he was killed for his beliefs in equality.
Eli's project was due last Friday, the day Trevor was discharged. We had all the info for the project but didn't actually do it until Thursday night after leaving the hospital visiting his daddy. Whereas Neely's project wasn't due until Thursday, Valentine's Day and she started last week. She had to make a shoe box into a Willy Wonka Valentine box. Give the girl some glue dots, a glue gun and candy and she will decorate until she runs out of something. You can see this project on my fb page. I remember Eli's box, it was Twizzlers and stuff just glued on. Neely had her Skittles and Valentine Heart candies in a pattern. OMGOODNESS, Neely and her patterns could do me in. I'm not really artsy fartsy, my daughter makes up enough for the both of us. She LOVES JoAnn's Fabrics!
During Trevor's drug induced week siesta, Eli decided not to play baseball this spring. Those of you that know me know that this is a big pill for me to swallow. He has played baseball since he was 4, that sounds like a really long time, in the scheme of life it's 7 years. I know the game of baseball, I love the sport. He has decided to play spring soccer. He told Trevor while he was in the hospital and Trevor didn't know if he heard him correctly so we discussed it again once he got home after his sedation wore off. Eli said he loves soccer and he understood he couldn't play baseball and spring soccer, he chose soccer. I don't understand soccer. I know the point is to score at the opposite end of the field. To my knowledge, I don't think there are any chants for soccer. For baseball you've got, "hey batter, batter, batter-SWWWING!", or "2 away", or "let's hit around!" or "rally on 3", or even the infamous "throw down your walker and RUN, old man!" In soccer, which Eli has also played since he was 4, there is nothing to chant but maybe, "score!" But this is the point in life he gets to choose what he wants to play...I almost think he's doing it so he doesn't have to listen to me holler. But as I explained to him before, every kid on the field deserves to have a cheerleader rooting for him. I guess I'm rooting for all 11 on the soccer field this spring...
And in the idea of trying to keep my kids life "normal", I will be entered to win coolest (or dumbest) Mom Of The Year...my babies "got" to bring home the elementary school science pets, Thunder and Lightening (hamsters) over the extended weekend, thanks Mrs. G! Conversation on the way home from school on Thursday when our weekend started went something like this: "MOM, you're going too fast!", this is going around the curve pulling out of the parking lot. "Mom, we can't put their cages close together because they don't get along and we don't want them to fight". So should I put my kids in cages apart from each other so they don't fight? "Mom, we have to clean their cages on Saturday." If you spy on my house, you will notice the hamster's cages are clean, are my kid's rooms? That would be a "NO"! My babies don't realize rodents live in filth and squall-er...kinda makes my kids look like rodents with the messes in their rooms. My babies rooms may not be clean but the hamster's cages are clean.
Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. We are blessed and have had to have several discussions this week about our blessings. My children think bad things don't happen if you're rich or famous. I had to point out Lindsey Lohan, to which Eli replied "she made bad choices". He commented this week he only wanted to see his dad smile. The fact of the matter is, the muscles in Trevor's mouth are sore. The lining in his mouth is thickening and sloughing out so his mouth is sore and raw, it hurt's for him to smile, talk and especially laugh. But as my children were twinkle toes-ing across the living room, Eli tripped over our thread bare carpet while saying "watch-me!" Trevor laughed out loud and Eli was so excited. Eli has thanked God several times for his dad's ability to smile and laugh, especially at him. God has been so good to us through all of this, from the Deer Stand Altercation to this Cancer Ordeal. It seems that I forget that when Trevor is gagging in the sink or when he gets up too fast and I have to catch him before he passes out. Then God will send me a love note, maybe in a friend's encouragement or even my man saying "Thank You", or my babies remaining germ free. God has continued to keep the nasty bugs out of our house, no strep, no flu, no nasty stomach bug...blessed I tell ya blessed!
angi
Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."
Anyway, after a week in the hospital taking as much IV chemo his veins could carry and twice blowing veins at the end of the week, we got the prescription for the patch. Dr. Kaufman proceeded to tell me that our pharmacy didn't subscribe to this drug and it would have to be ordered...Sure would like to have known that bit of information before being admitted...So it's a Friday, our pharmacy doesn't carry it, no pharmacy carries it, this drug patch has to be ordered. Trevor is discharged on Friday morning really medicated, I mean really medicated...and I'm ordering a patch that is supposed to decrease/eliminate the nausea. My man was so medicated last weekend he was texting me asking when he ate last or when he could take his next round of meds or if he I had medicated him. I got the patch the Monday and slapped it on him after he awoke from a phenegran/adivan sleep stupor. He slept another few hours and as of now his nausea has been dramatically reduced. This time 4 weeks ago after his first round of chemo, he was still nauseous and violently sick. Nope, not this week! He is up talking, walking down the street, able to carry on a conversation without gagging in his mouth...This is a good thing! We are now awaiting the arrival of the nasty mouth sores, although we may avoid this side effect altogether and that would be superbulous! When he goes back for the 3rd and FINAL maintenance round of chemo, I'll follow the directions for the patch and apply it 24 hours before chemo begins, who know maybe he won't be nauseous every day and vomit at all.
But while Trevor's life stopped over the past 2 weeks, my babies and I have been doing our elementary life, projects and all. Eli had a Black History project on Martin Luther King, Jr. He was so bummed he got "stuck" with MLK, he wanted Bill Cosby. I tried to explain Cosby wouldn't have had the chance if Martin Luther King, Jr. didn't have a dream. This project was very informational for me, did you know that Martin Luther King, Jr's real name was Michael. His father changed his and his son's name after a trip to Germany where they learned more of Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation. The tidbit of juicy history my boy took away from this Civil Right Leader was..."he was a lefty". Eli wanted to do his project on the basis that Martin Luther King, Jr. was left handed. MLK's dream didn't mean a whole lot but then again, Eli hasn't been raised the way I was or my parents so he doesn't see the impact this national figure has had on history. Or maybe, he isn't old enough to appreciate how far society has come OR maybe I'm naive about our racial cultures, I don't really know. I almost wish I had my son's mindset to see the simple things like MLK being left handed, not that he was killed for his beliefs in equality.
Eli's project was due last Friday, the day Trevor was discharged. We had all the info for the project but didn't actually do it until Thursday night after leaving the hospital visiting his daddy. Whereas Neely's project wasn't due until Thursday, Valentine's Day and she started last week. She had to make a shoe box into a Willy Wonka Valentine box. Give the girl some glue dots, a glue gun and candy and she will decorate until she runs out of something. You can see this project on my fb page. I remember Eli's box, it was Twizzlers and stuff just glued on. Neely had her Skittles and Valentine Heart candies in a pattern. OMGOODNESS, Neely and her patterns could do me in. I'm not really artsy fartsy, my daughter makes up enough for the both of us. She LOVES JoAnn's Fabrics!
During Trevor's drug induced week siesta, Eli decided not to play baseball this spring. Those of you that know me know that this is a big pill for me to swallow. He has played baseball since he was 4, that sounds like a really long time, in the scheme of life it's 7 years. I know the game of baseball, I love the sport. He has decided to play spring soccer. He told Trevor while he was in the hospital and Trevor didn't know if he heard him correctly so we discussed it again once he got home after his sedation wore off. Eli said he loves soccer and he understood he couldn't play baseball and spring soccer, he chose soccer. I don't understand soccer. I know the point is to score at the opposite end of the field. To my knowledge, I don't think there are any chants for soccer. For baseball you've got, "hey batter, batter, batter-SWWWING!", or "2 away", or "let's hit around!" or "rally on 3", or even the infamous "throw down your walker and RUN, old man!" In soccer, which Eli has also played since he was 4, there is nothing to chant but maybe, "score!" But this is the point in life he gets to choose what he wants to play...I almost think he's doing it so he doesn't have to listen to me holler. But as I explained to him before, every kid on the field deserves to have a cheerleader rooting for him. I guess I'm rooting for all 11 on the soccer field this spring...
And in the idea of trying to keep my kids life "normal", I will be entered to win coolest (or dumbest) Mom Of The Year...my babies "got" to bring home the elementary school science pets, Thunder and Lightening (hamsters) over the extended weekend, thanks Mrs. G! Conversation on the way home from school on Thursday when our weekend started went something like this: "MOM, you're going too fast!", this is going around the curve pulling out of the parking lot. "Mom, we can't put their cages close together because they don't get along and we don't want them to fight". So should I put my kids in cages apart from each other so they don't fight? "Mom, we have to clean their cages on Saturday." If you spy on my house, you will notice the hamster's cages are clean, are my kid's rooms? That would be a "NO"! My babies don't realize rodents live in filth and squall-er...kinda makes my kids look like rodents with the messes in their rooms. My babies rooms may not be clean but the hamster's cages are clean.
Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. We are blessed and have had to have several discussions this week about our blessings. My children think bad things don't happen if you're rich or famous. I had to point out Lindsey Lohan, to which Eli replied "she made bad choices". He commented this week he only wanted to see his dad smile. The fact of the matter is, the muscles in Trevor's mouth are sore. The lining in his mouth is thickening and sloughing out so his mouth is sore and raw, it hurt's for him to smile, talk and especially laugh. But as my children were twinkle toes-ing across the living room, Eli tripped over our thread bare carpet while saying "watch-me!" Trevor laughed out loud and Eli was so excited. Eli has thanked God several times for his dad's ability to smile and laugh, especially at him. God has been so good to us through all of this, from the Deer Stand Altercation to this Cancer Ordeal. It seems that I forget that when Trevor is gagging in the sink or when he gets up too fast and I have to catch him before he passes out. Then God will send me a love note, maybe in a friend's encouragement or even my man saying "Thank You", or my babies remaining germ free. God has continued to keep the nasty bugs out of our house, no strep, no flu, no nasty stomach bug...blessed I tell ya blessed!
angi
Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Flashing Light at the End of the Tunnel
Here I am sitting here listening to the Grammy's. I never really got or get into all of these award shows, but I'm sitting in my bedroom with my husband as he is medicating his nausea trying to decide if he is going to throw up or not. I'm literally praying with each peck of the keyboard that he is going to ride this bout of nausea out. I'm praying that the phenregan I just gave him takes affect...asap, pronto, in an unimaginable amount of time. His body cannot afford to throw up anymore. His throat was damaged with the first round of maintenance chemo so "we" are trying to avoid violent vomiting at all costs. So far his vomiting hasn't been nearly as violent, but he still has had occasion to throw up.
He was admitted to the hospital Monday morning after our daily morning car pool. Kids said their goodbyes and love yous and we went to check in for his 2nd "jail term" of maintenance chemo. He had the sweetest nurse and I was nervous because I hated to a haint to some sweet thing. Lucky for her his chemo didn't get started until 2:30 that afternoon so there was no call for me to be hateful. The babies and I went to see him that afternoon after school and he was just dandy. Tuesday was a different story, he got sick before 6 am but no cause for worry because on of our favs was going to be his nurse and so there is no reason my haint persona should come out of her closet. She got his meds timed and charted so the Wednesday nurse had no worries. And Wednesday was a great day too, well as great as it can be when poison is being dripped into your body for 5 days and is killing your body off one cell at a time...Thursday I was a little apprehensive because she was a new nurse for us, but she did a great job tending to my man. I went to see him that morning before I went to work and when I left I was concerned because he isn't one to call for drugs, but I'm not above it. My philosophy is "sleep through it and you'll never know how bad you feel". She did a great job keeping him medicated and comfortable. We have been so fortunate in his nursing care, except for that one unfortunate weekend.
Trevor got discharged Friday morning soooo medicated I don't know if he remembers getting in the van. My friend MMY, the oncology pharmacist had recommended the Sancuso patch. I had told Trevor's doctor about my friend what she does and her experience with this medication. He wasn't familiar but was willing to try it. He knew 2 weeks ago we wanted to try it so he gives us the prescription for it Friday as Trevor is being discharged and says we can't get it at our hospital pharmacy. It has to be ordered...it's Friday...we won't get it until tomorrow. I can't wait to slap it on him and let his doctor know it works miracles. That's y prayer anyway is that this patch will alleviate his nausea at least by 100%. Trevor could be a trend setter here in Madison County.
We have 3 weeks to recover then go back for our LAST round of maintenance. We can see the light, we can see our summer on the lake kayaking. We can see turkey season, maybe. We see a spring and summer filled with ballfields, soccer or baseball Eli hasn't decided. I hope baseball because I understand that sport. But he wants to play soccer instead, which is fine I just don't know how to cheer or understand enough about soccer to cheer. That's probably one reason he wants to play so he doesn't have to listen to me saying "6 you got this, 6 you're good, 6 good effort, etc..." You get the gist, in soccer I just say "Go 6, Go!" I'm just glad he wants to play anything. He's good at soccer and he's fast, he doesn't have to wait in the middle of outfield waiting for a ball. I don't have to get aggravated if an umpire makes a dumb call if the ball gets past my boy catching and it rolls under the fence and the ump sends the runner on to 1st...I just don't know where to look in the rule book for that one...
I was talking to Eli earlier that I pray whatever God has been trying to teach me, I've learned it and shared it. I can't exactly pinpoint what I've learned, there isn't one particular thing. You know the song by Laura Story "Maybe Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops"? It seems that my blessings have come in torrential floods. I've learned that I have heard Jesus in the prayers of my children. They pray for their daddy daily, but they are also sensitive to their friends that are going through a trial. I've learned that there is always someone else that is going through a trial that needs just as much prayer and God's blessings as my family. I've learned that I can hold my tongue if it isn't glorifying and uplifting to the heart that needs to hear it. And I've learned that my children are so wise. That they are ministers of God's faithfulness, He hasn't forgotten us and He has blessed us through the past 14 months.
I humbly again say thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your encouraging words, comments, text messages, visits. Thank you for your accountability.
angi
p.s. Happy Valentines...but don't wait for a special day to TELL the ones that matter that they do matter. You are a better person to be loved and to love, just don't do it anonymously or inactively. Love is and action word!
He was admitted to the hospital Monday morning after our daily morning car pool. Kids said their goodbyes and love yous and we went to check in for his 2nd "jail term" of maintenance chemo. He had the sweetest nurse and I was nervous because I hated to a haint to some sweet thing. Lucky for her his chemo didn't get started until 2:30 that afternoon so there was no call for me to be hateful. The babies and I went to see him that afternoon after school and he was just dandy. Tuesday was a different story, he got sick before 6 am but no cause for worry because on of our favs was going to be his nurse and so there is no reason my haint persona should come out of her closet. She got his meds timed and charted so the Wednesday nurse had no worries. And Wednesday was a great day too, well as great as it can be when poison is being dripped into your body for 5 days and is killing your body off one cell at a time...Thursday I was a little apprehensive because she was a new nurse for us, but she did a great job tending to my man. I went to see him that morning before I went to work and when I left I was concerned because he isn't one to call for drugs, but I'm not above it. My philosophy is "sleep through it and you'll never know how bad you feel". She did a great job keeping him medicated and comfortable. We have been so fortunate in his nursing care, except for that one unfortunate weekend.
Trevor got discharged Friday morning soooo medicated I don't know if he remembers getting in the van. My friend MMY, the oncology pharmacist had recommended the Sancuso patch. I had told Trevor's doctor about my friend what she does and her experience with this medication. He wasn't familiar but was willing to try it. He knew 2 weeks ago we wanted to try it so he gives us the prescription for it Friday as Trevor is being discharged and says we can't get it at our hospital pharmacy. It has to be ordered...it's Friday...we won't get it until tomorrow. I can't wait to slap it on him and let his doctor know it works miracles. That's y prayer anyway is that this patch will alleviate his nausea at least by 100%. Trevor could be a trend setter here in Madison County.
We have 3 weeks to recover then go back for our LAST round of maintenance. We can see the light, we can see our summer on the lake kayaking. We can see turkey season, maybe. We see a spring and summer filled with ballfields, soccer or baseball Eli hasn't decided. I hope baseball because I understand that sport. But he wants to play soccer instead, which is fine I just don't know how to cheer or understand enough about soccer to cheer. That's probably one reason he wants to play so he doesn't have to listen to me saying "6 you got this, 6 you're good, 6 good effort, etc..." You get the gist, in soccer I just say "Go 6, Go!" I'm just glad he wants to play anything. He's good at soccer and he's fast, he doesn't have to wait in the middle of outfield waiting for a ball. I don't have to get aggravated if an umpire makes a dumb call if the ball gets past my boy catching and it rolls under the fence and the ump sends the runner on to 1st...I just don't know where to look in the rule book for that one...
I was talking to Eli earlier that I pray whatever God has been trying to teach me, I've learned it and shared it. I can't exactly pinpoint what I've learned, there isn't one particular thing. You know the song by Laura Story "Maybe Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops"? It seems that my blessings have come in torrential floods. I've learned that I have heard Jesus in the prayers of my children. They pray for their daddy daily, but they are also sensitive to their friends that are going through a trial. I've learned that there is always someone else that is going through a trial that needs just as much prayer and God's blessings as my family. I've learned that I can hold my tongue if it isn't glorifying and uplifting to the heart that needs to hear it. And I've learned that my children are so wise. That they are ministers of God's faithfulness, He hasn't forgotten us and He has blessed us through the past 14 months.
I humbly again say thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your encouraging words, comments, text messages, visits. Thank you for your accountability.
angi
p.s. Happy Valentines...but don't wait for a special day to TELL the ones that matter that they do matter. You are a better person to be loved and to love, just don't do it anonymously or inactively. Love is and action word!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Anticipation
All is well in our household on this cold, blustery, winter Wednesday. Lots of adjectives to describe all of us being home doing nothing and not gonna do anything this afternoon after school. Babies are bathed and in pajamas and it's only 4:00, but after the long night we had listening to the storm we're staying in tonight. It's "Tornado Season" here in Jackson, Tennessee. I have the bathroom prepared with the snack basket, weather radio, walkie-talkie's, power cord for phones and ipod's, snacks and waters. There are also candles, flashlights, butane lighters and lanterns on the back of the toilet. Several pair of tennis shoes in the sink...if you are prepared for it, it decreases the odds of it happening. So I prepared our 4 x 2 bathroom (it may not even be that big) under the stairs and waited for the sirens. When I woke at 12 am, lots of wind-LOTS but no sirens. Then the rain came after 1 with LOTS more wind, no sirens. I woke again at 3 to check on Trevor's snoring wondering if I had missed the sirens. We were spared after The Weather Channel was broadcasting in Memphis, where they received at least 3 inches of rain in an hour and had prepared us for the worst. No one wants to be a "Cantore's Story". Although we missed the bullet this time, I have seen several broadcasts of other locations that weren't as lucky. Mother Nature can be brutal!
I am trying to emotionally and physically prepare for Trevor's next treatment. He had a check-up last Friday and his chemo doctor recommended him to wait a week to begin the next round of maintenance chemo. He was scheduled to start today, but when Dr. Kauffman said that he wanted to wait I said "Thank You Jesus!". I really did, out loud. I told Kauffman that's what I had been praying for or that he would say Trevor didn't need anymore chemo. Trevor was very upset, he's ready to get it over with and I can understand that but he has been so sick that I told him not to do the last 2 treatments. I "ain't" proud, I'ld quit...He's having him wait because his throat is so irritated, swollen and red. He believes it's from the violent vomiting but if you put it in perspective his throat hasn't had a chance to heal from having his tonsils/adenoids taken out only 2 weeks before we started traveling this whole cancer road.
I'm relieved that Kauffman pushed it back. I know that means it will be later for him to finish but he's just now being able to talk and be understandable or not gag in his mouth while giving one word answers. He is able to talk to his children instead of them looking at him and them talk at him. He has actually been able to play a little basketball with Eli since his season started 3 weeks ago. He has been able to pick Neely up and hug her. I'm not even going to get into the things that I've missed, it gives me the shivers. Anticipation is everything in a marriage! I know he's ready to be done, so am I but our babies need to see their daddy participating in their lives even if it's a week at a time.
So many times I have thought about people in our community that have lost spouses or children after fighting there fight and fighting it with every breath. Trevor and I and Eli and Neely have been so blessed. Trevor isn't battling cancer at this point, he's battling the after affects of chemo. His doctor told him he would be able to work after taking 5 days of chemo...WHAT?! umm, no he can't! I know people do go back to work after they've had and hour of chemo or an afternoon of chemo, maybe not that day but maybe the next week. My man is getting 96 hours of continuous IV chemo of 2 drugs and it has knocked him on his tail. He is easily fatigued and generally has to have a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon. He gets up 5-6 times in the night because his mouth is so dry from the chemo.
So he we'll have had an extra 5 days to heal before he starts his second treatment. This maintenance chemo has been so hard on him. Before he left the hospital, his throat had started bleeding from his vomiting. He got home and the sores in his mouth and down his throat started as well as the loss of sensation in some of his fingers and toes. These are all side affects of the chemo drugs, on top of nausea. And if you read the previous post, I'm sure you saw the rant about the weekend nurse not controlling his nausea. We will go to the doctor Friday morning to find out when he is to check in to the hospital next week and I'm going to push for him to begin on Monday and go through Friday. I do not want to have to deal with a weekend nurse that doesn't know his history or won't take the time to read his chart or even will lie to my face. I'm getting fired up just thinking about that haint....When we get our orders, I'm going to ask for specific people to attend to him. He thinks I'm being crazy, but I don't have any problem asking for the best care for him. I do realize he will end up having to work with these people when he goes back, then they better do their job and treat him as if he was signing their check. I know I went too far with that statement, but did you laugh out loud?! I did, that's how adamant I am about his quality of care.
On the flip side of him getting to start his 2nd treatment later, he will be able to watch the Super Bowl. I'm pulling for the Ravens...Go Ray Lewis! Have you seen deer velvet when it comes off, it's bloody and nasty. Someone is going to track a buck wait for it to shed and then wring the velvet out for a hormone?! I'm sure it's more in depth than that but you get the gist of how ridiculous it is. My friend and I were talking about how nursing moms lose baby weight fast, it's hormone related. So if we could get that hormone from lactating mom and sell it, do you understand how silly that sounds...Silly all the way to the bank baby!
Thank you for continually lifting us up in your prayers. We have been blessed with strength and healing through your prayers. My friend "Angie" and I were talking and it seems that just since Trevor's diagnosis there have been so many people in our community that have been diagnosed with this terrible disease. It's heartbreaking that other families are living what we've been living through over the past 6 months. I ask that you would pray daily for one particular family in your community that is going through a rough time whether with illness, finances, deployment or loss. I ask that you would go before our Father with an open heart and ask Him how you can minister to that family, whether food (that's the Southern thing), car pool, match white socks, drag garbage cans to the road, whatever He lays on your heart and that you would be willing to do as He asks. Be prepared because He may have you pray for a family or situation YOU hadn't planned on and He may ask you to do something YOU aren't comfortable doing. But be assured when you follow His will, blessings will abound.
1 John 4:20 "For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen."
I am trying to emotionally and physically prepare for Trevor's next treatment. He had a check-up last Friday and his chemo doctor recommended him to wait a week to begin the next round of maintenance chemo. He was scheduled to start today, but when Dr. Kauffman said that he wanted to wait I said "Thank You Jesus!". I really did, out loud. I told Kauffman that's what I had been praying for or that he would say Trevor didn't need anymore chemo. Trevor was very upset, he's ready to get it over with and I can understand that but he has been so sick that I told him not to do the last 2 treatments. I "ain't" proud, I'ld quit...He's having him wait because his throat is so irritated, swollen and red. He believes it's from the violent vomiting but if you put it in perspective his throat hasn't had a chance to heal from having his tonsils/adenoids taken out only 2 weeks before we started traveling this whole cancer road.
I'm relieved that Kauffman pushed it back. I know that means it will be later for him to finish but he's just now being able to talk and be understandable or not gag in his mouth while giving one word answers. He is able to talk to his children instead of them looking at him and them talk at him. He has actually been able to play a little basketball with Eli since his season started 3 weeks ago. He has been able to pick Neely up and hug her. I'm not even going to get into the things that I've missed, it gives me the shivers. Anticipation is everything in a marriage! I know he's ready to be done, so am I but our babies need to see their daddy participating in their lives even if it's a week at a time.
So many times I have thought about people in our community that have lost spouses or children after fighting there fight and fighting it with every breath. Trevor and I and Eli and Neely have been so blessed. Trevor isn't battling cancer at this point, he's battling the after affects of chemo. His doctor told him he would be able to work after taking 5 days of chemo...WHAT?! umm, no he can't! I know people do go back to work after they've had and hour of chemo or an afternoon of chemo, maybe not that day but maybe the next week. My man is getting 96 hours of continuous IV chemo of 2 drugs and it has knocked him on his tail. He is easily fatigued and generally has to have a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon. He gets up 5-6 times in the night because his mouth is so dry from the chemo.
So he we'll have had an extra 5 days to heal before he starts his second treatment. This maintenance chemo has been so hard on him. Before he left the hospital, his throat had started bleeding from his vomiting. He got home and the sores in his mouth and down his throat started as well as the loss of sensation in some of his fingers and toes. These are all side affects of the chemo drugs, on top of nausea. And if you read the previous post, I'm sure you saw the rant about the weekend nurse not controlling his nausea. We will go to the doctor Friday morning to find out when he is to check in to the hospital next week and I'm going to push for him to begin on Monday and go through Friday. I do not want to have to deal with a weekend nurse that doesn't know his history or won't take the time to read his chart or even will lie to my face. I'm getting fired up just thinking about that haint....When we get our orders, I'm going to ask for specific people to attend to him. He thinks I'm being crazy, but I don't have any problem asking for the best care for him. I do realize he will end up having to work with these people when he goes back, then they better do their job and treat him as if he was signing their check. I know I went too far with that statement, but did you laugh out loud?! I did, that's how adamant I am about his quality of care.
On the flip side of him getting to start his 2nd treatment later, he will be able to watch the Super Bowl. I'm pulling for the Ravens...Go Ray Lewis! Have you seen deer velvet when it comes off, it's bloody and nasty. Someone is going to track a buck wait for it to shed and then wring the velvet out for a hormone?! I'm sure it's more in depth than that but you get the gist of how ridiculous it is. My friend and I were talking about how nursing moms lose baby weight fast, it's hormone related. So if we could get that hormone from lactating mom and sell it, do you understand how silly that sounds...Silly all the way to the bank baby!
Thank you for continually lifting us up in your prayers. We have been blessed with strength and healing through your prayers. My friend "Angie" and I were talking and it seems that just since Trevor's diagnosis there have been so many people in our community that have been diagnosed with this terrible disease. It's heartbreaking that other families are living what we've been living through over the past 6 months. I ask that you would pray daily for one particular family in your community that is going through a rough time whether with illness, finances, deployment or loss. I ask that you would go before our Father with an open heart and ask Him how you can minister to that family, whether food (that's the Southern thing), car pool, match white socks, drag garbage cans to the road, whatever He lays on your heart and that you would be willing to do as He asks. Be prepared because He may have you pray for a family or situation YOU hadn't planned on and He may ask you to do something YOU aren't comfortable doing. But be assured when you follow His will, blessings will abound.
1 John 4:20 "For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen."
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Don't Get Excited...
Don't everybody get all giddy because I'm posting twice in a one week span. I just have sooo much going through my head and since one of my dern resolutions is to express myself so that I don't blow up over something dumb like running out of dishwasher tabs, I'm blogging...
It's day 4 of the first round of maintenance chemo and it has not been the best party Trevor has been to. Wednesday and Wednesday night, the night Florida got thrashed like they were the Vols this past season, was pretty good. He felt good, he actually ate/drank the hospital broth, juice and jell-o that was on his tray for all 3 meals. Our neighbor went and watched the last half of the Florida beat down. He slept okay until they came in about 2 a on Thursday to do a vital check and draw blood. Then the nausea started creeping up. He woke up and ate about 7, was medicated and then it he got sick.
His super nurse, I shall not name but everyone knows she's worthy of her name, medicated his butt and knocked him cold as a wedge. He slept about 4-5 hours and felt better when he woke but not so good that he could run a foot race. He asked for a little phenergren "pick me up" to get him through the late afternoon nausea. Friday, he was medicated @ 5 am, went back to sleep then woke and ate at 7. It was a better day. He got some phenergren later in the afternoon to keep his afternoon nausea at bay.
The kids and I have been going to check on him early in the morning and then in late afternoon before we have supper. Yesterday we went in the morning, and our crazy day kicked up after that. It was a Chuck E. Cheese kinda day, I know I'm nuts! But it was good especially with a coupon for pizza and 50 tokens. 50 tokens at CEC will get you a lot of tickets to spend at the junk counter. Eli had over 400 tickets, that's a lot of choices for a boy that can't choose between 2 things anyway. We ran errands, went home to shower off the CEC germs and talked about chores that need to be done and headed back to see dear old dad.
I have tried to keep things "normal" over the past 6 months and CEC seemed to be as about crazy-normal as talking about chores. Although, today, I've gotten over talking about chores and actually getting them done. I hate being home while Trevor is 10 minutes away in a hospital bed. I don't sleep well, I can't seem to be motivated... I don't function well period. My house is a wreck and I haven't cared until today. I had gotten so aggravated that cleaning seems to be the best alternative to blowing up.
We came to see Trevor this morning about 8:30, his parents were here checking on him and he had been sick twice. Needless to say the weekend nurse isn't familiar with him or his history. I so appreciate nurses. I do think that they are under appreciated and have a thankless job, kinda like teachers. BUT, and I know I will get grief over this, if you want to be appreciated and thanked DO YOUR JOB! If you only work weekends and you come in at 7am and work until 7 pm, read your patients chart. I do understand that nurses have more than 1 patient at a time and can't devote all of their attention to my man. If your patient has been sick twice in a 2 hour period, if you had read the daily notes in the chart you could have averted me being a haint to you.
Now that I've showed my tail, and my in-laws picked up on it too I'm sure, I need to apologize because I don't want my man paying for the rest of today, tonight and tomorrow because I ran my mouth...GAH!!!!! I think my problem is I am a very emotional person and I try to stuff my emotions down in my pockets so I don't do/say something I have to apologize for and BAM! What happens?! I spew and end up apologizing anyway.
After the babies and I left to go home and actually "do" chores, I just couldn't stop dwelling on how bad Trevor felt and how I felt his nurse wasn't doing all she could to get orders to narc him up to knock him out. I'll say it again, "if he is out like a light, he doesn't know how bad he feels so narc him up!" I pawned the babies onto the great neighbors that I've been training to be grandparents for their kids and came back to the hospital. He had dozed on and off, had just been medicated with Aloxi without the Adivan or steroids, eaten and now he is asleep...thank goodness. I haven't yet left the room to find his nurse to apologize for being a haint but I will. How can I rob God of being used and being seen through my husband when my mouth shoots off like Old Faithful?! It'll blow, maybe not every 96 minutes but it's a given. I need to control what spews forth and snippy attitude isn't a testimony to God's mercy, grace, healing, comfort, joy, blessings and faithfulness but a testimony to my weakness in trying to do it myself. That's not what God has asked of me. He has asked that I lay my worries at His feet. He has said that if I petition Him, He will hear and He will grant my needs according to His will...Why is that so hard for me to remember?
Please pray that today is the absolute worst it'll be for Trevor. That today being the last dose of the first round of maintenance chemo is the worst he will feel. Please pray that his nausea stays under control as well as my mouth and attitude. That both of us and our children are examples of Christ's mercy and faithfulness.
It's day 4 of the first round of maintenance chemo and it has not been the best party Trevor has been to. Wednesday and Wednesday night, the night Florida got thrashed like they were the Vols this past season, was pretty good. He felt good, he actually ate/drank the hospital broth, juice and jell-o that was on his tray for all 3 meals. Our neighbor went and watched the last half of the Florida beat down. He slept okay until they came in about 2 a on Thursday to do a vital check and draw blood. Then the nausea started creeping up. He woke up and ate about 7, was medicated and then it he got sick.
His super nurse, I shall not name but everyone knows she's worthy of her name, medicated his butt and knocked him cold as a wedge. He slept about 4-5 hours and felt better when he woke but not so good that he could run a foot race. He asked for a little phenergren "pick me up" to get him through the late afternoon nausea. Friday, he was medicated @ 5 am, went back to sleep then woke and ate at 7. It was a better day. He got some phenergren later in the afternoon to keep his afternoon nausea at bay.
The kids and I have been going to check on him early in the morning and then in late afternoon before we have supper. Yesterday we went in the morning, and our crazy day kicked up after that. It was a Chuck E. Cheese kinda day, I know I'm nuts! But it was good especially with a coupon for pizza and 50 tokens. 50 tokens at CEC will get you a lot of tickets to spend at the junk counter. Eli had over 400 tickets, that's a lot of choices for a boy that can't choose between 2 things anyway. We ran errands, went home to shower off the CEC germs and talked about chores that need to be done and headed back to see dear old dad.
I have tried to keep things "normal" over the past 6 months and CEC seemed to be as about crazy-normal as talking about chores. Although, today, I've gotten over talking about chores and actually getting them done. I hate being home while Trevor is 10 minutes away in a hospital bed. I don't sleep well, I can't seem to be motivated... I don't function well period. My house is a wreck and I haven't cared until today. I had gotten so aggravated that cleaning seems to be the best alternative to blowing up.
We came to see Trevor this morning about 8:30, his parents were here checking on him and he had been sick twice. Needless to say the weekend nurse isn't familiar with him or his history. I so appreciate nurses. I do think that they are under appreciated and have a thankless job, kinda like teachers. BUT, and I know I will get grief over this, if you want to be appreciated and thanked DO YOUR JOB! If you only work weekends and you come in at 7am and work until 7 pm, read your patients chart. I do understand that nurses have more than 1 patient at a time and can't devote all of their attention to my man. If your patient has been sick twice in a 2 hour period, if you had read the daily notes in the chart you could have averted me being a haint to you.
Now that I've showed my tail, and my in-laws picked up on it too I'm sure, I need to apologize because I don't want my man paying for the rest of today, tonight and tomorrow because I ran my mouth...GAH!!!!! I think my problem is I am a very emotional person and I try to stuff my emotions down in my pockets so I don't do/say something I have to apologize for and BAM! What happens?! I spew and end up apologizing anyway.
After the babies and I left to go home and actually "do" chores, I just couldn't stop dwelling on how bad Trevor felt and how I felt his nurse wasn't doing all she could to get orders to narc him up to knock him out. I'll say it again, "if he is out like a light, he doesn't know how bad he feels so narc him up!" I pawned the babies onto the great neighbors that I've been training to be grandparents for their kids and came back to the hospital. He had dozed on and off, had just been medicated with Aloxi without the Adivan or steroids, eaten and now he is asleep...thank goodness. I haven't yet left the room to find his nurse to apologize for being a haint but I will. How can I rob God of being used and being seen through my husband when my mouth shoots off like Old Faithful?! It'll blow, maybe not every 96 minutes but it's a given. I need to control what spews forth and snippy attitude isn't a testimony to God's mercy, grace, healing, comfort, joy, blessings and faithfulness but a testimony to my weakness in trying to do it myself. That's not what God has asked of me. He has asked that I lay my worries at His feet. He has said that if I petition Him, He will hear and He will grant my needs according to His will...Why is that so hard for me to remember?
Please pray that today is the absolute worst it'll be for Trevor. That today being the last dose of the first round of maintenance chemo is the worst he will feel. Please pray that his nausea stays under control as well as my mouth and attitude. That both of us and our children are examples of Christ's mercy and faithfulness.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013...Year of the Stewart's!
When I sit down to blog, (and I've intended to do it before now) I really never know how to start. I struggle with organizing my thoughts in case you didn't notice. Today I have defrocked my house of things Christmas festivities, thank goodness. All except the Christmas lights outside and I WILL get those down before the weeks end. The timer is jacked up so they come on at all odd times of the day and the precious night. They go along the front of our house, our bedroom is in the front of the house, so when they turn on at 2 a.m., I'm not a happy camper.
Enough of my reasons why I don't sleep at night...our Christmas was great. Eli proclaimed it "The Best Christmas Ever!" We enjoyed time with Trevor's family as well as mine and it was all very nice and relaxing. No tempers flared, no attitudes were misinterpreted and no words were spoken that couldn't be taken back or were wounding. It seems it never fails that during Thanksgiving and/or Christmas some one will say something that hurts another's feelings. And 9 times out of 10, I'm the one that spoke the words that hurt my relationship with a family member. Lots of gifts were given and received, lots of food was eaten and lots of time shared with each other about the thankfulness we have for this season and how fortunate we are to have been given God's Son as our Savior. My children's prayers at night have been of thanksgiving for the healing of their dad and for the gift of Jesus.
We will begin this new year in anticipation for great things. Tomorrow, Trevor will begin the first round of three of maintenance chemo. His doctor has prescribed only 2 drugs, Cystplatin and 5-FU. The Cystplatin was one of the drugs he took during his initial chemo treatments. This dosage will be twice the amount of what he took for 7 weeks. This is also the drug that make him nauseous. Needless to say, he isn't looking forward to taking that again, but he will also take the Anzmet for nauseau. The 5-FU will be something new for him. He will have to be admitted to the hospital for 96 hours to take it by IV. When his doctor told us that, our jaws dropped. 96 hours, 4 days and nights...he about when crazy for the 8 hours he was there taking chemo drugs the first time. I think it will be a different experience. He will not have been battling the side effects of radiation so I believe he'll have more stamina than before.
To keep it in perspective, it's only 3 times in a period of 12 weeks. So every 4 weeks he'll have to be admitted for chemo for 4 days. Yes there are side effects, possible mouth sores, possible diarrhea, possible...just because it's possible doesn't mean it'll happen to him. That has been my prayer is that he keep a positive attitude, that his body is strong enough that these "possible" side effects won't hinder him. He is looking forward to going back to work at the end of January and he doesn't want to go back fighting side effects of chemo. Also, this is the last step to ensuring that this cancer doesn't rear it's ugly head again. It's like Nanny McPhee, as one step is completed an ugly wart disappears, except warts aren't disappearing we're just one step closer to being completely healed.
Over this Christmas break, we've "enjoyed" each other's company. I use enjoy loosely, he has about gone stir crazy watching old Christmas movies with me. I dvr'ed Meet Me in St. Louis, when we were all in the living room and I hit play, he didn't get up and walk out but when the broke out in song, he cringed. He didn't complain just sat there looking like he would choke! I turned it off, I hated to make him sit through another after he watched Christmas in Connecticut and Love Actually with me. We've watched so much Property Brothers that I half expect to come home to him having ripped out a bathroom. Or even see the table set with something that he has seen on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. For a man that can't keep solid food down, he is a glutton for punishment watching all of the Food Network shows.
2013 will be the year the Stewart's do something besides meet our insurance deductible! The babies and I were discussing our New Year's Resolutions. Neely's is to have more fun...Eli's is to keep his temper in check and talk about what aggravates him and not just walk away in a huff...mine is to lead a healthier lifestyle. I'm sure some of you rolled your eyes, I did when I actually saw that I wrote that down. But healthier doesn't mean I have to be radical. I can decrease the amount of sodas I drink in a week or decrease the amount of sugar I eat or increase the veggies or water I take in. We'll see, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. I told the Neely and Eli that when you write your resolutions down and keep them in front of you, your were more likely to attempt these small feats. I can't imagine what Neely could do to have more fun, she lives the life of a barefooted princess as it is. As for Eli, he and I will both work on our temperament.
So many of you have been faithful in your prayers for my family and I can't say enough how thankful we are and how your prayers do affect us. Trevor and I were talking about how people that don't have a church family or a Christian family or even people to pray for them and over therm, how they get through life's challenges. We can't imagine going through past 15 months without prayer warriors by our side. I hope that you each take advantage of 2013. Since the Mayans were off with predicting the world's end, live each day to the fullest. Try to say an encouraging word to one person each day and take an opportunity to enjoy what God has blessed you with and share with someone.
Enjoy the bowl games...go SEC!
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
Enough of my reasons why I don't sleep at night...our Christmas was great. Eli proclaimed it "The Best Christmas Ever!" We enjoyed time with Trevor's family as well as mine and it was all very nice and relaxing. No tempers flared, no attitudes were misinterpreted and no words were spoken that couldn't be taken back or were wounding. It seems it never fails that during Thanksgiving and/or Christmas some one will say something that hurts another's feelings. And 9 times out of 10, I'm the one that spoke the words that hurt my relationship with a family member. Lots of gifts were given and received, lots of food was eaten and lots of time shared with each other about the thankfulness we have for this season and how fortunate we are to have been given God's Son as our Savior. My children's prayers at night have been of thanksgiving for the healing of their dad and for the gift of Jesus.
We will begin this new year in anticipation for great things. Tomorrow, Trevor will begin the first round of three of maintenance chemo. His doctor has prescribed only 2 drugs, Cystplatin and 5-FU. The Cystplatin was one of the drugs he took during his initial chemo treatments. This dosage will be twice the amount of what he took for 7 weeks. This is also the drug that make him nauseous. Needless to say, he isn't looking forward to taking that again, but he will also take the Anzmet for nauseau. The 5-FU will be something new for him. He will have to be admitted to the hospital for 96 hours to take it by IV. When his doctor told us that, our jaws dropped. 96 hours, 4 days and nights...he about when crazy for the 8 hours he was there taking chemo drugs the first time. I think it will be a different experience. He will not have been battling the side effects of radiation so I believe he'll have more stamina than before.
To keep it in perspective, it's only 3 times in a period of 12 weeks. So every 4 weeks he'll have to be admitted for chemo for 4 days. Yes there are side effects, possible mouth sores, possible diarrhea, possible...just because it's possible doesn't mean it'll happen to him. That has been my prayer is that he keep a positive attitude, that his body is strong enough that these "possible" side effects won't hinder him. He is looking forward to going back to work at the end of January and he doesn't want to go back fighting side effects of chemo. Also, this is the last step to ensuring that this cancer doesn't rear it's ugly head again. It's like Nanny McPhee, as one step is completed an ugly wart disappears, except warts aren't disappearing we're just one step closer to being completely healed.
Over this Christmas break, we've "enjoyed" each other's company. I use enjoy loosely, he has about gone stir crazy watching old Christmas movies with me. I dvr'ed Meet Me in St. Louis, when we were all in the living room and I hit play, he didn't get up and walk out but when the broke out in song, he cringed. He didn't complain just sat there looking like he would choke! I turned it off, I hated to make him sit through another after he watched Christmas in Connecticut and Love Actually with me. We've watched so much Property Brothers that I half expect to come home to him having ripped out a bathroom. Or even see the table set with something that he has seen on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. For a man that can't keep solid food down, he is a glutton for punishment watching all of the Food Network shows.
2013 will be the year the Stewart's do something besides meet our insurance deductible! The babies and I were discussing our New Year's Resolutions. Neely's is to have more fun...Eli's is to keep his temper in check and talk about what aggravates him and not just walk away in a huff...mine is to lead a healthier lifestyle. I'm sure some of you rolled your eyes, I did when I actually saw that I wrote that down. But healthier doesn't mean I have to be radical. I can decrease the amount of sodas I drink in a week or decrease the amount of sugar I eat or increase the veggies or water I take in. We'll see, but I'm going to put forth an honest effort. I told the Neely and Eli that when you write your resolutions down and keep them in front of you, your were more likely to attempt these small feats. I can't imagine what Neely could do to have more fun, she lives the life of a barefooted princess as it is. As for Eli, he and I will both work on our temperament.
So many of you have been faithful in your prayers for my family and I can't say enough how thankful we are and how your prayers do affect us. Trevor and I were talking about how people that don't have a church family or a Christian family or even people to pray for them and over therm, how they get through life's challenges. We can't imagine going through past 15 months without prayer warriors by our side. I hope that you each take advantage of 2013. Since the Mayans were off with predicting the world's end, live each day to the fullest. Try to say an encouraging word to one person each day and take an opportunity to enjoy what God has blessed you with and share with someone.
Enjoy the bowl games...go SEC!
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The Other Shoe Dropped...
Over the past 14 months I've been living with the anticipation of the "other shoe dropping". Ever since the deer stand altercation that my husband and son walked away from...eventually, I've been waiting for something else to happen. So Trevor's never-ending sinus infection leads to cancer, my daddy dies, my grandfather dies, my husband goes through 7 weeks of chemo and radiation and I continue to anticipate, what I don't know.
Even as I pray for strength, complete healing of my husband, my children and their emotional stability with my germ quirks I feel that if I'm prepared for the worst it won't happen. I don't want to imagine the worst but if I'm emotionally prepared, it'll "never" happen. So in our neck of the woods, the flu, strep throat and stomach bug have been running ramped in our school and church. School was called last week on Tuesday for a flu epidemic, instead of using snow days for snow, days were used for recuperation of viruses. When I heard that these illnesses had invaded our school, I started germ-Xing my kids as well as the babies that carpool with us. I started making my babies strip down in the garage and get in the shower then they could go outside and play and shower again after supper. Dry skin never killed anybody and build character!
We had our flu vaccinations and I'm not really concerned that me or my babies will get the flu, but I just can't handle the idea of bringing those nasty bugs home to infect my man. If I can control it, I will. But when he went to Wal-Mart I realized I can try to control what the babies and I bring in but I can't control what he picks up on his own. I've tried to relax with the germ-X and showers but I still don't want to expose Trevor...that would be the other shoe dropping. If I could have prevented him from having to battle anything else and I didn't and he got sick I don't know that I would have handled it with a smile on my face.
On Tuesday, after we had gone back to school on Monday after being out 3 days last week I get a phone call from school. When I see Trinity Christian Academy on my caller id, my stomach clinches up. My friend is a professional sub at our school, as well as being a room mom, and very involved in our PAWS organization, so when it's her voice I hear I'm almost relieved until she says "Eli got hurt on the playground..." She proceeds to tell me how he was playing and dove into the monkey bars. The school nurse checked him out and he seems fine but he feels "queasy". I begin to pray as I frantically, but in a calm fashion, drive to school praying that Eli is okay. I pray that he doesn't have a concussion, that he doesn't have the flu or stomach bug, that he doesn't have a head/neck injury. I pray that he is okay, but that this is the other shoe dropping, lightly.
I pick him up with a goose-egg on his head. He feels fine and starts telling me the whole story. He was playing tag and dove between the monkey bars to tag a little girl. Instead of diving between, he dove into head first. He said when he finally got up his eyes were "sparkly". It wasn't until after recess when he was sitting in Math class that his stomach started feeling "queasy". I got him home and showered. He got all his homework done and got caught up on the History channels show "Finding Bigfoot". He questions the reasoning behind Santa (there is a Santa) and can defend all the crazies that are hunting Big Foot (there is no such thing as Big Foot). He's fine. I'm thinking that probably isn't the other shoe dropping, we still have to make it to Thursday (today).
Tuesday Trevor had a CAT scan with contrast as his chemo doctor ordered before we see him for his post chemo check-up. Last night we were discussing things we wanted to talk to his doctors about at his follow-up appointments. I told him I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I was anxious about these appointments. If I am emotionally prepared for not good news, not necessarily bad news, but maybe news that might involve another obstacle for us to cross before this cancer incident is over. I told him that I felt overwhelmed with more information being given to us about maintenance chemo but any other information that may be delivered to us. I was exhausted when I went to bed because of the needless worry.
So today when I get up earlier than usual and run behind as if I got up really late, I had a yucky headache. Today was the Christmas program for the elementary at TCA and Trevor and I went before the doctors appointments started. Trevor's first appointment was with his chemo doctor who had the results from his CAT scan. This is the other shoe dropping...all of his scans and blood work come back CANCER FREE!!!!! The doctor proceeds to tell us that this is step one in declaring Trevor in remission. To continue on this healing path, maintenance chemo is strongly recommended. December 28 we will meet again with this doctor to set up maintenance to begin in the new year. Talk about New Year's Resolutions: To give it ALL to God, it's easier on the nerves!
The next appointment is with the radiation oncologist. He evaluates Trevor's nasal-pharynx and also sees no signs of cancer! Now Trevor is working on getting his mouth healed so that he can ingest anything but water without gagging or a burning sensation. He still has the feeding tube and has to eat every 3 hours, kinda like a newborn. Tomorrow night is his PT department's Christmas party with lots of great food that I'm going to love while Trevor sits and watches us all eat, drink and be merry. We will stay for 3 hours and come home so he can get some nutrition of his own. I am so excited about going out with my man.
The kids and I were talking today after car pool about how the past 4 months have flown by but have felt endless. We discussed how everything has worked out with their dad from him being so sick to now not having cancer. Eli commented on how God has blessed his dad with healing, how God has worked through each one of us, my son is so wise. I learn from him daily. My children and their wisdom is the other shoe that dropped today as we all rejoiced in the healing of Trevor!
Thank you for all of your prayers, we have been blessed.
Psalms 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord give grace and glory; He does not withhold the good from those who live with integrity."
Even as I pray for strength, complete healing of my husband, my children and their emotional stability with my germ quirks I feel that if I'm prepared for the worst it won't happen. I don't want to imagine the worst but if I'm emotionally prepared, it'll "never" happen. So in our neck of the woods, the flu, strep throat and stomach bug have been running ramped in our school and church. School was called last week on Tuesday for a flu epidemic, instead of using snow days for snow, days were used for recuperation of viruses. When I heard that these illnesses had invaded our school, I started germ-Xing my kids as well as the babies that carpool with us. I started making my babies strip down in the garage and get in the shower then they could go outside and play and shower again after supper. Dry skin never killed anybody and build character!
We had our flu vaccinations and I'm not really concerned that me or my babies will get the flu, but I just can't handle the idea of bringing those nasty bugs home to infect my man. If I can control it, I will. But when he went to Wal-Mart I realized I can try to control what the babies and I bring in but I can't control what he picks up on his own. I've tried to relax with the germ-X and showers but I still don't want to expose Trevor...that would be the other shoe dropping. If I could have prevented him from having to battle anything else and I didn't and he got sick I don't know that I would have handled it with a smile on my face.
On Tuesday, after we had gone back to school on Monday after being out 3 days last week I get a phone call from school. When I see Trinity Christian Academy on my caller id, my stomach clinches up. My friend is a professional sub at our school, as well as being a room mom, and very involved in our PAWS organization, so when it's her voice I hear I'm almost relieved until she says "Eli got hurt on the playground..." She proceeds to tell me how he was playing and dove into the monkey bars. The school nurse checked him out and he seems fine but he feels "queasy". I begin to pray as I frantically, but in a calm fashion, drive to school praying that Eli is okay. I pray that he doesn't have a concussion, that he doesn't have the flu or stomach bug, that he doesn't have a head/neck injury. I pray that he is okay, but that this is the other shoe dropping, lightly.
I pick him up with a goose-egg on his head. He feels fine and starts telling me the whole story. He was playing tag and dove between the monkey bars to tag a little girl. Instead of diving between, he dove into head first. He said when he finally got up his eyes were "sparkly". It wasn't until after recess when he was sitting in Math class that his stomach started feeling "queasy". I got him home and showered. He got all his homework done and got caught up on the History channels show "Finding Bigfoot". He questions the reasoning behind Santa (there is a Santa) and can defend all the crazies that are hunting Big Foot (there is no such thing as Big Foot). He's fine. I'm thinking that probably isn't the other shoe dropping, we still have to make it to Thursday (today).
Tuesday Trevor had a CAT scan with contrast as his chemo doctor ordered before we see him for his post chemo check-up. Last night we were discussing things we wanted to talk to his doctors about at his follow-up appointments. I told him I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I was anxious about these appointments. If I am emotionally prepared for not good news, not necessarily bad news, but maybe news that might involve another obstacle for us to cross before this cancer incident is over. I told him that I felt overwhelmed with more information being given to us about maintenance chemo but any other information that may be delivered to us. I was exhausted when I went to bed because of the needless worry.
So today when I get up earlier than usual and run behind as if I got up really late, I had a yucky headache. Today was the Christmas program for the elementary at TCA and Trevor and I went before the doctors appointments started. Trevor's first appointment was with his chemo doctor who had the results from his CAT scan. This is the other shoe dropping...all of his scans and blood work come back CANCER FREE!!!!! The doctor proceeds to tell us that this is step one in declaring Trevor in remission. To continue on this healing path, maintenance chemo is strongly recommended. December 28 we will meet again with this doctor to set up maintenance to begin in the new year. Talk about New Year's Resolutions: To give it ALL to God, it's easier on the nerves!
The next appointment is with the radiation oncologist. He evaluates Trevor's nasal-pharynx and also sees no signs of cancer! Now Trevor is working on getting his mouth healed so that he can ingest anything but water without gagging or a burning sensation. He still has the feeding tube and has to eat every 3 hours, kinda like a newborn. Tomorrow night is his PT department's Christmas party with lots of great food that I'm going to love while Trevor sits and watches us all eat, drink and be merry. We will stay for 3 hours and come home so he can get some nutrition of his own. I am so excited about going out with my man.
The kids and I were talking today after car pool about how the past 4 months have flown by but have felt endless. We discussed how everything has worked out with their dad from him being so sick to now not having cancer. Eli commented on how God has blessed his dad with healing, how God has worked through each one of us, my son is so wise. I learn from him daily. My children and their wisdom is the other shoe that dropped today as we all rejoiced in the healing of Trevor!
Thank you for all of your prayers, we have been blessed.
Psalms 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord give grace and glory; He does not withhold the good from those who live with integrity."
Monday, December 3, 2012
I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks
I Didn't Make This UP!: A Season of Thanks: My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter. I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving has a ten...
A Season of Thanks
My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Easter. I've always loved Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving has a tendency to be overlooked because people are busy shuffling from place to place to eat so that they can hurry up, psych themselves up/out to shop on black Friday...crazy, I tell ya! When I was a youngster, we would have Thanksgiving at my aunt's house in Savannah or at my grandmother's. I remember Thanksgivings in Savannah because my aunt's house was HUGE! It was, maybe still is, on the historic tour of homes. It is a very old house (1800's old) and has so many bedrooms, closet/rooms, parlors and porches and only 2 bathrooms! My Aunt Shirley made homemade fresh coconut cake every year and it sat on the back porch where it was cool. My Aunt Lenvil made corn bread dressing and oyster dressing, turkey and the trimmings. My mom made sweet potato casserole with large marshmallows. There was always the nasty green bean casserole, asparagus casserole, Waldorf salad, pistachio salad, corn souffle, cranberry sauce, pecan pies, pumpkin pies, chocolate pies...there was tons of food.
The day after Thanksgiving, if my aunt and uncle stayed with my grandmother, we would start making candy for Christmas. LOTS of chocolate involved! It's all different now as I'm a parent and have Trevor's family. We still have Thanksgiving lunch with my family and this year we gave Thanks with my mom's only living sister and my cousin here in Jackson and my cousin we only see at Thanksgiving or at the funeral home. Lucky us, we got to see him twice this year! It was a feast to rival the Thanksgiving dinners of our childhood. For supper we go to Trevor's family and eat after all the guys come in from deer hunting. I love and appreciate the traditions that were formed when I was a child but I love the traditions that Trevor and I have started with our babies that they can continue when they are momma's and daddy's.
This Thanksgiving we all ate, Trevor had his formula through his feeding tube, until we were stuffed at lunch and dinner. As I was driving the hour and a half to Big Sandy from Jackson, I heard a statistic stating the average adult gains 3 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's. 3?! That's it?! I said that I wouldn't be one of those statistics, so far so good, no pounds gained. It's not really a feat at this point though. I really don't enjoy eating by myself and Trevor hasn't gotten to where he likes anything yet so he isn't taking anything in through his mouth. He says that broths or soups tastes like cardboard. Noodles from chicken noodle soup are "rubbery". Or the blandest of foods burn his mouth.
We were watching television and a Taco Bell commercial came on and he said that he thought, whatever the commercial was for, sounded "really good". I guess that's a start when food commercials sound good. He has taken to watching Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" to the point that he's seen reruns 2-3 times. He's also taken to watching that show on the travel channel about the guy that eats an exorbitant amount of food for something dumb like a t-shirt that should say "I LOVE to be miserably full", or "I Have Great Insurance and Am Trying To Have A Heart Attack!" He's an idiot...but he's a full idiot all the way to the bank!
Anyway, I enjoy Thanksgiving and this year was no different. I didn't eat like a glutton because who wants to eat in front of their spouse who can't take in anything through their mouth? If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you saw lots of people posting everyday about what they are thankful for. I am thankful for so much, I almost sound redundant saying anything. I'm so thankful for the gift of salvation and that I live in a country where I can share my salvation and not be persecuted or put to death. Our country is so blessed to have men and women that have fought and still fight for our freedom, our freedom to share our religious beliefs in public. Although, this freedom of church and state is being challenged and is being taken out of our schools and public places where God's word NEEDS to be shared and where the public NEEDS to be prayed for and over.
I am thankful for my babies and their souls. I'm thankful that TCA's elementary performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes" is over. It was fun while it lasted and Eli will be better prepared for next fall's performing arts production. I'm ever thankful for Christ's birth, death and resurrection for me and my babies and my man. I pray and thank God and continue to ask him to heal Trevor, completely. I pray that He would be glorified through this cancer situation. And many days if you've heard me on a rant, I get so frustrated because Trevor's healing can't come soon enough, I'm robbing myself of being blessed. But let me tell ya, I'm so tired of my man being bored out of his mind. I'm tired of him not liking the taste of anything and not eating. I'm tired of him being tired. I'm tired...
I'm thankful for the gift of Christian friendships for my babies at school and at church. My babies have been blessed with friends whose families have taken the time to teach them to pray. Families that encourage their own babies to pray for the strength of my children, the health of my man and the stability of our relationships. I praise God for Christian administrators, teachers and staff that have prayed for and with my children at school. I better stop or I'm liable to get political because my kids CAN be prayed for at any given time during the school day with a teacher or friend or as a teacher has told me, in the middle of class! Who-da thought "Religious Freedom" in a free nation..."One Nation Under God..."
As I catch myself going on a tear (tare), I'm thankful that Trevor's voice is back, that's always nice. It's hard to communicate/argue with someone that can't talk, won't text or write a note, he just kept quiet. For someone that is vocal and likes to be validated/or argued with, that was hard for me to not hear his voice. I'm thankful he doesn't have to get up 2-3 times an hour to spit, or wake up with his pillow wringing wet from drooling in the night. Now his mouth is as dry as it was salivating. The doctors told us that would happen, both are responses to the radiation. I'm thankful that Trevor is regaining his strength, although he has a tendency to overdo. He and Eli deer hunted Thanksgiving weekend, then duck hunted and when he got home he was wiped out. He has been trying to do more around the house because he's bored out of his mind, (he refuses to read or do a puzzle or take up a hobby like knitting). He will go until he can't go anymore and have to nap for a few hours.
Trevor's follow up appointments are next Thursday, (12/13). He will have another PET scan with contrast before he sees the chemo oncologist then the radiation oncologist. The PET scan will reveal if there is anymore cancer in his body and where. The chemo oncologist will prepare him for the maintenance chemo that will get rid of any cancer that happens to be leftover. From what we've been told during this protocol, Trevor will lose his hair. The hair that he's already lost has already started coming back in WHITE! He's also hoping to get more info on a timeline on returning to work.
I'm thankful for people like ya'll that read what I have to write and feel the need to pray. Your prayers have blessed us in ways that can only be attributed to God. I'm thankful for those of you that have nothing else to do but be nosey and find yourself reading this because whether you realize it or not God must have something He wants you to hear and He thinks you may get it from me...that's rich stuff!
The day after Thanksgiving, if my aunt and uncle stayed with my grandmother, we would start making candy for Christmas. LOTS of chocolate involved! It's all different now as I'm a parent and have Trevor's family. We still have Thanksgiving lunch with my family and this year we gave Thanks with my mom's only living sister and my cousin here in Jackson and my cousin we only see at Thanksgiving or at the funeral home. Lucky us, we got to see him twice this year! It was a feast to rival the Thanksgiving dinners of our childhood. For supper we go to Trevor's family and eat after all the guys come in from deer hunting. I love and appreciate the traditions that were formed when I was a child but I love the traditions that Trevor and I have started with our babies that they can continue when they are momma's and daddy's.
This Thanksgiving we all ate, Trevor had his formula through his feeding tube, until we were stuffed at lunch and dinner. As I was driving the hour and a half to Big Sandy from Jackson, I heard a statistic stating the average adult gains 3 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's. 3?! That's it?! I said that I wouldn't be one of those statistics, so far so good, no pounds gained. It's not really a feat at this point though. I really don't enjoy eating by myself and Trevor hasn't gotten to where he likes anything yet so he isn't taking anything in through his mouth. He says that broths or soups tastes like cardboard. Noodles from chicken noodle soup are "rubbery". Or the blandest of foods burn his mouth.
We were watching television and a Taco Bell commercial came on and he said that he thought, whatever the commercial was for, sounded "really good". I guess that's a start when food commercials sound good. He has taken to watching Guy Fieri's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" to the point that he's seen reruns 2-3 times. He's also taken to watching that show on the travel channel about the guy that eats an exorbitant amount of food for something dumb like a t-shirt that should say "I LOVE to be miserably full", or "I Have Great Insurance and Am Trying To Have A Heart Attack!" He's an idiot...but he's a full idiot all the way to the bank!
Anyway, I enjoy Thanksgiving and this year was no different. I didn't eat like a glutton because who wants to eat in front of their spouse who can't take in anything through their mouth? If you're on Facebook, I'm sure you saw lots of people posting everyday about what they are thankful for. I am thankful for so much, I almost sound redundant saying anything. I'm so thankful for the gift of salvation and that I live in a country where I can share my salvation and not be persecuted or put to death. Our country is so blessed to have men and women that have fought and still fight for our freedom, our freedom to share our religious beliefs in public. Although, this freedom of church and state is being challenged and is being taken out of our schools and public places where God's word NEEDS to be shared and where the public NEEDS to be prayed for and over.
I am thankful for my babies and their souls. I'm thankful that TCA's elementary performance of "The Emperor's New Clothes" is over. It was fun while it lasted and Eli will be better prepared for next fall's performing arts production. I'm ever thankful for Christ's birth, death and resurrection for me and my babies and my man. I pray and thank God and continue to ask him to heal Trevor, completely. I pray that He would be glorified through this cancer situation. And many days if you've heard me on a rant, I get so frustrated because Trevor's healing can't come soon enough, I'm robbing myself of being blessed. But let me tell ya, I'm so tired of my man being bored out of his mind. I'm tired of him not liking the taste of anything and not eating. I'm tired of him being tired. I'm tired...
I'm thankful for the gift of Christian friendships for my babies at school and at church. My babies have been blessed with friends whose families have taken the time to teach them to pray. Families that encourage their own babies to pray for the strength of my children, the health of my man and the stability of our relationships. I praise God for Christian administrators, teachers and staff that have prayed for and with my children at school. I better stop or I'm liable to get political because my kids CAN be prayed for at any given time during the school day with a teacher or friend or as a teacher has told me, in the middle of class! Who-da thought "Religious Freedom" in a free nation..."One Nation Under God..."
As I catch myself going on a tear (tare), I'm thankful that Trevor's voice is back, that's always nice. It's hard to communicate/argue with someone that can't talk, won't text or write a note, he just kept quiet. For someone that is vocal and likes to be validated/or argued with, that was hard for me to not hear his voice. I'm thankful he doesn't have to get up 2-3 times an hour to spit, or wake up with his pillow wringing wet from drooling in the night. Now his mouth is as dry as it was salivating. The doctors told us that would happen, both are responses to the radiation. I'm thankful that Trevor is regaining his strength, although he has a tendency to overdo. He and Eli deer hunted Thanksgiving weekend, then duck hunted and when he got home he was wiped out. He has been trying to do more around the house because he's bored out of his mind, (he refuses to read or do a puzzle or take up a hobby like knitting). He will go until he can't go anymore and have to nap for a few hours.
Trevor's follow up appointments are next Thursday, (12/13). He will have another PET scan with contrast before he sees the chemo oncologist then the radiation oncologist. The PET scan will reveal if there is anymore cancer in his body and where. The chemo oncologist will prepare him for the maintenance chemo that will get rid of any cancer that happens to be leftover. From what we've been told during this protocol, Trevor will lose his hair. The hair that he's already lost has already started coming back in WHITE! He's also hoping to get more info on a timeline on returning to work.
I'm thankful for people like ya'll that read what I have to write and feel the need to pray. Your prayers have blessed us in ways that can only be attributed to God. I'm thankful for those of you that have nothing else to do but be nosey and find yourself reading this because whether you realize it or not God must have something He wants you to hear and He thinks you may get it from me...that's rich stuff!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
20 Questions...(probably more)
Okay some of you have played this game for me or with me depending on who you are and how far we were going. I've even made 20 questions for a couple of my friends when they go on road trips. I think it's fun, Trevor hates it, but I think it's important to see where you are in your relationship, if in fact you really do share the same thoughts. The following are questions that I wrote out several weeks ago for my man to read over and I had presumed he would actually answer them. Well we've probably all heard where presuming will land you...So while you are traveling with or without your family and especially your spouse for more than 15 minutes take a few minutes to LISTEN not just with your ears but your heart. Keep in mind listening and applying are 2 total different things. #1 rule of 20 Questions: There is no wrong answer! I say this directly to myself because when Trevor answers something in a way I don't agree with (tone included) I get all defensive and it takes the fun out of the whole experience.
1. How has this experience (my blog or Trevor's cancer or any trial you've experienced lately) changed you? My answer: I am capable of doing so much more.
2. 4 Things You Want to Accomplish before age 75.
My Answer: I would like to read the Bible through prayerfully and not just words on the page. I would like to sky dive. I would like to be a HOT BOD on a healthy level again. I would like to go 1 year without a carbonated beverage.
3. 1 person dead or alive you would like to spend the day with. Audrey Hephburn.
4. If you weren't whatever you are now (occupation) what would you be/do: If I wasn't a mom, I would be lost as a goose in a hail storm.
5. Name one book you've read that you enjoyed: I enjoy most books I read. The last book I read that I would NOT recommend is Girl Gone. (I know this should be underlined, but refer to previous posts where I've hit a button on my lap top and changed the lay out of the blog. That's why everything is a run-on thought...sorry)
6. Is there anything you would change about yourself? Why? I would try to be "seen and not heard" as much. I've been told that I'm very abrasive and I truly don't mean to be, sometimes (a lot of times) my words/emotions jump out before I have a chance to think the whole thought through.
7. What would your next vehicle be? I would get the same just newer Nissan Quest! I love my minivan.
8. What do you look forward to? I look forward to my man being completely healed and our life getting back to being cancer free!
9. What is your favorite daytime TV show? I like watching re-runs of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Orange County. If that isn't on, I enjoy watching Income Property or Property Brothers on HGTV.
10. What is one thing you look forward to eating? This close to Thanksgiving, I'm looking forward to eating cornbread dressing with Turkey and cranberry sauce. Otherwise, I LOVE a good, juicy cheeseburger with ketchup 3 warm thin sliced dill pickles and thin slice purple onion...
11. Top 3 ALL-TIME favorite movies: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holiday Inn and Love Actually
12. 4 Things You Want for Christmas: a locket and chain to put my babies and man in to wear around my neck, a yellow Casio digital watch, brown boots and a personal trainer.
13. One language, besides English, you would like to know (not necessarily learn but know): High-school French didn't really pay off, but after visiting the Dominican Republic, I wish I knew Spanish.
14. 3 Things you like about your city. 3 Things that would make your city better:
I like the small town feel. I like being right off of I-40 and central to anything in West Tennessee. I like seeing people from my past that are surprised that I live in Jackson. Changes: A recycling program that correlated with garbage pick-up. Not so much trash and litter in our city and county. Vann Dr interchange designed for a growing city with lots of traffic not designed for 4 cars to go through interchange...IT'S JACKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you know if you've ever gone to Chile's or Wal-Mart!
15. 1 Thing you like about yourself: I like that I'm willing to try anything once.
16. 1 Thing you like about me: Depends on who you are, but I appreciate that ya'll have read this and have prayed with and for me, my babies and my man and our family.
17. Your favorite Color: mine depends on my mood
18. The grade/teacher that impacted you most: Mary Lou Snowden, 5th grade. She made me realize I had to get an education, my life would be way more successful if I really applied myself and tried.
19. All-Time Favorite Song: Chicago 17, You're The Inspiration
and #20. Was FRIENDS not the best show on NBC's "must see TV"? YES IT WAS!!! and it's great on Nic@nite..
My blessing for you is from Numbers 6:24-26
"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."
Safe traveling and Happy Thanksgiving!
p.s. and if anyone knows how to unjack up my computer so that it isn't a run-on, please advise...please!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Quickly...but more to come later
AS I write quickly because I wanna try to catch you up on a synopsis basis because Trevor and I are going to watch the new Duck Dynasty and I don't wanna have to rewind or DVR...
Trevor finished his chemo/radiation 10/26...his radiation burns around his neck are getting better. His new skin underneath the burned looks really good. He only has to shave maybe a couple times a week. I've tried that and it isn't comfortable unless I sleep in leggins and I get too hot to do that but I HATE to shave while it's cold. Those of you waiting for snow, this is the time of year I wanna be on a beach getting my Vitamin D! Anyway, Trevor was losing bits of hair around his neck line so his nephew went ahead and buzzed his head back to his summer "do". So if you know my man, his summer hair is buzzed with a #1 or #2 guard. So it's really short and the white hairs show a lot more the shorter it is! 15 years of me and my 40 year old man is white haired...SEXY, I tell ya!
Moving on...the Physical Rehabilitation Department at JMCGH did a GREAT job doing the Run Hard/Fight Harder 5k 1 mile Fun Run. I can't give enough praise and thanks to the volunteers and sponsors that made this event so successful. Over 277 people pre-registered and then on race day, I don't know how many more. It was so good to see old friends and making new ones. My husband is a well respected man in his profession and a loved man by many. Our family has been so blessed with a Godly family, with encouraging and Godly friends and especially encouraging and Godly co-workers in all of our work places.
Be thinking about what you have learned through my family's cancer experience. I'll share what I have learned over the past 16 weeks.
Psalms 34:17 "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them from out of all their troubles"
Monday, November 5, 2012
A Legacy
Exodus 20:12 "Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long on the land that the Lord thy God give thee." My cousin and I discussed this verse Thursday as she was the 5th person in 15 minutes to call me and let me know that my 93 year old grandfather had passed away. He lived a long happy life. She said he had to have been a good kid, he raised his kids (our parents) to honor their parents and he was blessed by his obedience. He died with family around, he died with babies around. That's how he lived, kids everywhere! If you have seen any of my cousins or aunts or uncle we all have swollen punkin faces with slits for eyes. And everyone that wears contacts probably had glasses on today. Makes it easier to wipe the tears that happen to start flowing at most in opportune times.
I was talking to my cousin's son on our way back to Jackson last night and we were laughing about how many of us there are, kids, grand kids, great grand kids and even great-great grand kids...we are part of what could be known as a southern mafia family. We are not a financially wealthy family as a whole but when something affects one of us, it affects us all on a certain level.
Carl Harchfield had 7 kids, he is survived by 3 daughters and 1 son. This is the man that my daddy lived with over the past 10 years. The man that would not let us put daddy into an assisted living facility 10 years ago because he said, as long as he was alive, "he would take care of the boy". My cousin skyped from China and he reminded us of several things that we could laugh about, things that formed us as we grew up. How do you know when a watermelon is ready to pick? Thump it...before picking it. Eating popcorn on newspaper. Tina the black poodle that was Daddy Carl's lap dog. We used to walk through the cemetery to go fish. I remember walking to the pond to fish and walking by his tombstone. As a child I was confused about why he and Mom Opal already had headstones in the cemetery but weren't dead. They paid for it as they had the money. I can remember riding home from church with him and Mom Opal from church with as many kids in the car that would fit. I remember learning the books of the Bible when I became a new Christian and I had to say them to him.
I didn't know him as a boy growing up on Island 35, I didn't know him as a young married man or a young father or a young Christian. I knew him as my grandfather, as a Godly man, as a man the was a quiet man, but when something amused him, you couldn't understand him while he tried to tell you because he would get so tickled. I remember my grandmother doing most of the talking and him just sitting there. But when he did speak, it was something that needed to be heard.
Mom Opal died 13 years ago. When she died, he told my cousin that this is the way it's supposed to be. He didn't want her to have to live with the pain he was going to have to live with living without her. He said he loved her more everyday, he loved her more the day she died than he did the day they married. I told Trevor, that's what I wanted, I wanted that marriage. Obviously times have changed, but the institution of marriage hasn't and I find myself wanting THAT marriage more. The harder I work to have that marriage, I realize the more I love my man and the harder I work. This cancer incident has proven to me marriage is work, but anything worth having is worth working hard for. I know that God has prepared me for this moment in my life, in my marriage.
Daddy Carl was a sharecropper. He was a veteran and the father of 7. He believed he was the wealthiest man he knew...and he was. Not on a monetary scale, but he was a man loved by many. He loved over 60 grand kids and prayed for everyone of us. He was a man that showed Christ's love to every person that walked in the door of Beaver Baptist Church.
If the door was open, he was there, in his pew. Before the church grew, when there were only 2 sides of the aisle, he and Mom Opal sat in the 5th pew back and the rest of the Harchfield's filled up the pews in front and back of his pew. On the other side of the church sat my other grandmother in the 2nd pew and everyone else in the church. He loved the church. He loved the body of Christ. He loved the man in the pulpit. He may not have always agreed with him, but he prayed for him. Every preacher over the past 50 years has eaten at Daddy Carl's kitchen table. When Mom Opal was alive, it was a fried chicken and spaghetti kinda Sunday lunch or chicken and dressing, not all lunches but the really good ones.
As I look back over the past few days with my family as we mourn our loss of this great man, I also mourn the loss of how life used to be. I have lost sight of what I really am. I am a very wealthy woman, I am part of the legacy that Daddy Carl left. He set an example of prayer, hard-work, studying the Word of God and living according to that word. I can only pray that I have honored my father and my mother that my life will be long on the land the God has promised. I can pray that Daddy Carl's legacy will continue to live through me and that my children will reap his blessings.
The End Is Better
So Trevor finished his last chemotherapy and his last radiation on Friday, October 26. I took a small video and picture with my phone but believe it or not, I can't seem to attach it to my blog...I'm so very technologically challenged. Whew-Hoo...treatments are over! Trevor will have follow up appointments in December. His radiation oncologist will look at his throat and mouth to see how well it is healing. He will also see his chemo radiation that same day to discuss when to begin his maintenance chemo treatments. He will have another PET scan with contrast to detect any radical cancer cells.
The Friday of his last radiation treatment was a very emotional day for us, okay well for me. He went into his last radiation treatment nauseated from the amount of saliva his mouth produced and still produces. He was exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep the night before because, again, the amount of saliva his mouth produces as well as his sinus drainage. I've tried timing how often he gets up in the night just to spit, it never fails...I fall asleep. Generally, he gets up at least once an hour, just to spit. I told him to just roll over and spit in a pot I fixed for him or medicate and sleep. We would probably drown in the bed with the amount of drool that would flow from his slack mouth! He has been using a baking soda/salt water mouth rinse and his doctor said that that has helped his mouth healthy with the amount of radiation he has had and also with the saliva production.
He went into radiation and when he came out his doctor told him he gets to ring "The Bell" for completing radiation. The nurse told the doctor that "The Bell" would have to be rung in the waiting room because there were approximately 40-45 people in the waiting room waiting for Trevor. My man is so loved by so many at Jackson General, it is overwhelming. There were doctors, physical therapist, office administrators, pt-techs, pt assistants, nurses and friends that have been praying for our family waiting to see him ring "The Bell"! He was speechless, but that really wasn't too hard since he doesn't have a voice, AT ALL. I was overwhelmed! No words...Really...
That afternoon I had an appointment at my babies school. Eli's 4th grade class had been working to surprise him. Parents had organized a goodie basket (2) for him. Just so he would know how much he means to them and to let him know that they "have his back" while his dad is fighting this disease. They put together lots of goodies and games for Eli and Trevor to do together. When I walked into his classroom the entire 4th grade, all 3 classes, were in his classroom and his teacher had asked Eli to sit in front of the class. She was asking the class what did they know about Eli. Eli sees me come in and his eyes bug out of his head, like "what are you doing here? and I'm not in trouble..." I look around the room and I see Eli's "live-wire" friend look at me with teary eyes, there goes a chink in the "tear-guard"...I continue to look at his friends and I see his friend that is the sweetest, most kind-hearted little girl.(When he fell out of the deer stand, "sweet-cheeks" had her grandmother call while he was at LeBonheur to check on him. Sweet-cheeks had gone to see Taylor Swift and was in Memphis and wanted to be sure he was okay. When we got home she had her mom go get donuts just so she could come over and see how well he was really doing.) Anyway, I'm looking around his classroom again and I see "sweet-cheeks" and she is teary eyed too...another chink in my tear guard...it's all I can do to hold it together. His sweet teacher continues to tell him how special he is to her and to his classmates, all the while looking back at me...chink! chink! chink! I turn around and my sweet Hot Pants friend is in the back of the classroom wiping tears from her eyes...good thing I carry a tissue at all times, because I was wiping the tears away too!
I have been so blessed by Eli and Neely's friends and by their parents. Our school has prayed for our family on several occasions. They have provided for us and their prayers have carried us through the past year, thank you.
As Eli is gathering his goodies and asking friends to help carry it all, I go to Neely's class. I'm finally composed and ready to face my princess and her class, because they had put together a goody box for her too! Just to let her know how much she means to them and to remind her that they are praying for her and her dad and for his quick, total recovery. I walk into her classroom and her sweet teacher tells me she was waiting for me to show her friends her goodies...As I look at her teacher, again...chink in the tear guard. I'm doing quick swipes to keep from having to answer "why? what's wrong? are you okay?" questions from 2nd graders!
Our children go to Trinity Christian Academy in Jackson Tennessee. Several years ago we had a speaker that spoke at a banquet for our school. He compared our school to the other private schools in our area and what set us apart from the others. God has provided every year for our children to attend TCA. We wanted our children to get a great education. We wanted our children to be educated by educators that seemingly re-enforce our parenting. The other private schools in our city are all of the best caliber and those of you that read this and go to those other schools know the academic excellence your schools provide. But this speaker several years ago asked "what sets TCA apart from the other private schools in Jackson?" The answer should be the "Christian". Not Trinity Christian Academy, but the Christians our children are and we pray they will be. From my family's experience, the Christian families in our community and especially those Christian families that are trying to raise Godly children that attend our school, we have been ministered to through you and blessed by you, thank you.
A friend of mine shared with me on the very last day of Trevor's treatments, Ephesians 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than it's beginning." I concur. The end of Trevor's treatments were more painful and harder to take and harder for me to watch, but this is the end of this battle.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Week 7...the last lap
I've wondered what exactly to post and I just published what I had written for last week, but this post is what has gone on this weekend and what our expectations are. I've been posting and not really knowing what I'm going to write until I sat down and just started rambling, sounds easy enough. As you've kept up with our brief encounter of cancer and gotten a glimpse into our day to day lives it seems simple or easy enough. But do you really know how it feels to have 4 "followers" and over 2000 people that have chased that wild rabbit and feel the pressure of coming up with something that is edifying and encouraging in our current "situation".
So today as I was sitting in church listening to our new Student Minister, God gave me an audible. I don't want to plagiarize, that is not my intent but what he said is EXACTLY how I've been feeling publicly and privately. I've been battling with being an encouraging wife and mother, trying to LET Christ be shown in my words and actions. I ask that God would be seen in our family's situation but man it's hard when I keep getting in the way of what He is trying to do in and around our lives.
The message came from Psalms 23. He said it was the most overlooked scripture in the Bible. I got distracted in verse one: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." If any of you have heard this feel free to turn it over to the Cards/Giants game, Cards are going to go to game 7 and walk away NLCS champs, again. I digress. People wanna know what we need, what they can do for us, what we want, what our kids need/want, what can they do for Trevor, can he eat, drive, how's he doing, etc...It is because the LORD is our shepherd that we are not in want. Want and Need are two different things but can be interchanged. We NEED for nothing and in relation to the 23 Psalms, we are not in want. Our Lord has sacrificed His son for our needs. He has us so taken care of yet we (I) have a tendency to wanna do, worry, sit or whatever. When I was listening to the minister speak I was so humbled because God has us taken care of. If I will sit and listen, He has already promised us healing. He has promised us a future and all He asks of me is to continue to praise Him and serve Him. If you look at Psalms, it was written by David when he was a shepherd, when his best friend was the son of the king, when the king was jealous of him, when he himself was king, when he made poor judgement with Bathsheba, hopefully you get the picture. David praised God in good fortune and turmoil.
My man has cancer. We have been given a great prognosis. It stinks that my children have seen him be exhausted from doing nothing. It stinks that we all have to have the flu vaccination so that we don't bring any nasty bugs home with us. It really stinks that he's lost almost 30 pounds and that he can't eat any of the great foods that we've had brought to us. His salivary glands are in overdrive and he spits at least a gallon of saliva a day. He has to get up in the night to spit. When he coughs or clears his throat he has to control his gag or he'll start throwing up. He has already gone through a whole box of iodized salt and baking soda washing his mouth out trying to keep his mouth healthy. What is real torture is watching him look out the window and watching...watching kids, watching the wind blow, watching the sun shine because he can't be in the sun and he's so tired when he gets out there it's very brief. He comes back in to watch more football or more outdoor channel. And it irritates the fool out of me to see him this way and again there is NOTHING I can do to change it...
After today's message it was an a-ha moment, God said to me exactly what John Pond said to say "it is because the LORD is my shepherd, that we don't need to want". God's so got this, He's got us covered. He has and continues to meet all of our needs and wants. The days that I can't seem to bring myself to be transparent before Him, the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf
Here we are about to begin week 7. Radiation Monday thru Friday, Friday being Trevor's LAST day of radiation-can I get AMEN from some believers?! Tuesday will be his last chemotherapy for 4 weeks. Trevor will begin maintenance chemo after Thanksgiving 3 times for 12 weeks. God is Good!
Thank you for continued prayers as we finish this race...
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