A Legacy

Exodus 20:12 "Honor thy father and mother that thy days may be long on the land that the Lord thy God give thee." My cousin and I discussed this verse Thursday as she was the 5th person in 15 minutes to call me and let me know that my 93 year old grandfather had passed away. He lived a long happy life. She said he had to have been a good kid, he raised his kids (our parents) to honor their parents and he was blessed by his obedience. He died with family around, he died with babies around. That's how he lived, kids everywhere! If you have seen any of my cousins or aunts or uncle we all have swollen punkin faces with slits for eyes. And everyone that wears contacts probably had glasses on today. Makes it easier to wipe the tears that happen to start flowing at most in opportune times. I was talking to my cousin's son on our way back to Jackson last night and we were laughing about how many of us there are, kids, grand kids, great grand kids and even great-great grand kids...we are part of what could be known as a southern mafia family. We are not a financially wealthy family as a whole but when something affects one of us, it affects us all on a certain level. Carl Harchfield had 7 kids, he is survived by 3 daughters and 1 son. This is the man that my daddy lived with over the past 10 years. The man that would not let us put daddy into an assisted living facility 10 years ago because he said, as long as he was alive, "he would take care of the boy". My cousin skyped from China and he reminded us of several things that we could laugh about, things that formed us as we grew up. How do you know when a watermelon is ready to pick? Thump it...before picking it. Eating popcorn on newspaper. Tina the black poodle that was Daddy Carl's lap dog. We used to walk through the cemetery to go fish. I remember walking to the pond to fish and walking by his tombstone. As a child I was confused about why he and Mom Opal already had headstones in the cemetery but weren't dead. They paid for it as they had the money. I can remember riding home from church with him and Mom Opal from church with as many kids in the car that would fit. I remember learning the books of the Bible when I became a new Christian and I had to say them to him. I didn't know him as a boy growing up on Island 35, I didn't know him as a young married man or a young father or a young Christian. I knew him as my grandfather, as a Godly man, as a man the was a quiet man, but when something amused him, you couldn't understand him while he tried to tell you because he would get so tickled. I remember my grandmother doing most of the talking and him just sitting there. But when he did speak, it was something that needed to be heard. Mom Opal died 13 years ago. When she died, he told my cousin that this is the way it's supposed to be. He didn't want her to have to live with the pain he was going to have to live with living without her. He said he loved her more everyday, he loved her more the day she died than he did the day they married. I told Trevor, that's what I wanted, I wanted that marriage. Obviously times have changed, but the institution of marriage hasn't and I find myself wanting THAT marriage more. The harder I work to have that marriage, I realize the more I love my man and the harder I work. This cancer incident has proven to me marriage is work, but anything worth having is worth working hard for. I know that God has prepared me for this moment in my life, in my marriage. Daddy Carl was a sharecropper. He was a veteran and the father of 7. He believed he was the wealthiest man he knew...and he was. Not on a monetary scale, but he was a man loved by many. He loved over 60 grand kids and prayed for everyone of us. He was a man that showed Christ's love to every person that walked in the door of Beaver Baptist Church. If the door was open, he was there, in his pew. Before the church grew, when there were only 2 sides of the aisle, he and Mom Opal sat in the 5th pew back and the rest of the Harchfield's filled up the pews in front and back of his pew. On the other side of the church sat my other grandmother in the 2nd pew and everyone else in the church. He loved the church. He loved the body of Christ. He loved the man in the pulpit. He may not have always agreed with him, but he prayed for him. Every preacher over the past 50 years has eaten at Daddy Carl's kitchen table. When Mom Opal was alive, it was a fried chicken and spaghetti kinda Sunday lunch or chicken and dressing, not all lunches but the really good ones. As I look back over the past few days with my family as we mourn our loss of this great man, I also mourn the loss of how life used to be. I have lost sight of what I really am. I am a very wealthy woman, I am part of the legacy that Daddy Carl left. He set an example of prayer, hard-work, studying the Word of God and living according to that word. I can only pray that I have honored my father and my mother that my life will be long on the land the God has promised. I can pray that Daddy Carl's legacy will continue to live through me and that my children will reap his blessings.

The End Is Better

So Trevor finished his last chemotherapy and his last radiation on Friday, October 26. I took a small video and picture with my phone but believe it or not, I can't seem to attach it to my blog...I'm so very technologically challenged. Whew-Hoo...treatments are over! Trevor will have follow up appointments in December. His radiation oncologist will look at his throat and mouth to see how well it is healing. He will also see his chemo radiation that same day to discuss when to begin his maintenance chemo treatments. He will have another PET scan with contrast to detect any radical cancer cells. The Friday of his last radiation treatment was a very emotional day for us, okay well for me. He went into his last radiation treatment nauseated from the amount of saliva his mouth produced and still produces. He was exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep the night before because, again, the amount of saliva his mouth produces as well as his sinus drainage. I've tried timing how often he gets up in the night just to spit, it never fails...I fall asleep. Generally, he gets up at least once an hour, just to spit. I told him to just roll over and spit in a pot I fixed for him or medicate and sleep. We would probably drown in the bed with the amount of drool that would flow from his slack mouth! He has been using a baking soda/salt water mouth rinse and his doctor said that that has helped his mouth healthy with the amount of radiation he has had and also with the saliva production. He went into radiation and when he came out his doctor told him he gets to ring "The Bell" for completing radiation. The nurse told the doctor that "The Bell" would have to be rung in the waiting room because there were approximately 40-45 people in the waiting room waiting for Trevor. My man is so loved by so many at Jackson General, it is overwhelming. There were doctors, physical therapist, office administrators, pt-techs, pt assistants, nurses and friends that have been praying for our family waiting to see him ring "The Bell"! He was speechless, but that really wasn't too hard since he doesn't have a voice, AT ALL. I was overwhelmed! No words...Really... That afternoon I had an appointment at my babies school. Eli's 4th grade class had been working to surprise him. Parents had organized a goodie basket (2) for him. Just so he would know how much he means to them and to let him know that they "have his back" while his dad is fighting this disease. They put together lots of goodies and games for Eli and Trevor to do together. When I walked into his classroom the entire 4th grade, all 3 classes, were in his classroom and his teacher had asked Eli to sit in front of the class. She was asking the class what did they know about Eli. Eli sees me come in and his eyes bug out of his head, like "what are you doing here? and I'm not in trouble..." I look around the room and I see Eli's "live-wire" friend look at me with teary eyes, there goes a chink in the "tear-guard"...I continue to look at his friends and I see his friend that is the sweetest, most kind-hearted little girl.(When he fell out of the deer stand, "sweet-cheeks" had her grandmother call while he was at LeBonheur to check on him. Sweet-cheeks had gone to see Taylor Swift and was in Memphis and wanted to be sure he was okay. When we got home she had her mom go get donuts just so she could come over and see how well he was really doing.) Anyway, I'm looking around his classroom again and I see "sweet-cheeks" and she is teary eyed too...another chink in my tear guard...it's all I can do to hold it together. His sweet teacher continues to tell him how special he is to her and to his classmates, all the while looking back at me...chink! chink! chink! I turn around and my sweet Hot Pants friend is in the back of the classroom wiping tears from her eyes...good thing I carry a tissue at all times, because I was wiping the tears away too! I have been so blessed by Eli and Neely's friends and by their parents. Our school has prayed for our family on several occasions. They have provided for us and their prayers have carried us through the past year, thank you. As Eli is gathering his goodies and asking friends to help carry it all, I go to Neely's class. I'm finally composed and ready to face my princess and her class, because they had put together a goody box for her too! Just to let her know how much she means to them and to remind her that they are praying for her and her dad and for his quick, total recovery. I walk into her classroom and her sweet teacher tells me she was waiting for me to show her friends her goodies...As I look at her teacher, again...chink in the tear guard. I'm doing quick swipes to keep from having to answer "why? what's wrong? are you okay?" questions from 2nd graders! Our children go to Trinity Christian Academy in Jackson Tennessee. Several years ago we had a speaker that spoke at a banquet for our school. He compared our school to the other private schools in our area and what set us apart from the others. God has provided every year for our children to attend TCA. We wanted our children to get a great education. We wanted our children to be educated by educators that seemingly re-enforce our parenting. The other private schools in our city are all of the best caliber and those of you that read this and go to those other schools know the academic excellence your schools provide. But this speaker several years ago asked "what sets TCA apart from the other private schools in Jackson?" The answer should be the "Christian". Not Trinity Christian Academy, but the Christians our children are and we pray they will be. From my family's experience, the Christian families in our community and especially those Christian families that are trying to raise Godly children that attend our school, we have been ministered to through you and blessed by you, thank you. A friend of mine shared with me on the very last day of Trevor's treatments, Ephesians 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than it's beginning." I concur. The end of Trevor's treatments were more painful and harder to take and harder for me to watch, but this is the end of this battle.

Week 7...the last lap

I've wondered what exactly to post and I just published what I had written for last week, but this post is what has gone on this weekend and what our expectations are. I've been posting and not really knowing what I'm going to write until I sat down and just started rambling, sounds easy enough. As you've kept up with our brief encounter of cancer and gotten a glimpse into our day to day lives it seems simple or easy enough. But do you really know how it feels to have 4 "followers" and over 2000 people that have chased that wild rabbit and feel the pressure of coming up with something that is edifying and encouraging in our current "situation". So today as I was sitting in church listening to our new Student Minister, God gave me an audible. I don't want to plagiarize, that is not my intent but what he said is EXACTLY how I've been feeling publicly and privately. I've been battling with being an encouraging wife and mother, trying to LET Christ be shown in my words and actions. I ask that God would be seen in our family's situation but man it's hard when I keep getting in the way of what He is trying to do in and around our lives. The message came from Psalms 23. He said it was the most overlooked scripture in the Bible. I got distracted in verse one: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." If any of you have heard this feel free to turn it over to the Cards/Giants game, Cards are going to go to game 7 and walk away NLCS champs, again. I digress. People wanna know what we need, what they can do for us, what we want, what our kids need/want, what can they do for Trevor, can he eat, drive, how's he doing, etc...It is because the LORD is our shepherd that we are not in want. Want and Need are two different things but can be interchanged. We NEED for nothing and in relation to the 23 Psalms, we are not in want. Our Lord has sacrificed His son for our needs. He has us so taken care of yet we (I) have a tendency to wanna do, worry, sit or whatever. When I was listening to the minister speak I was so humbled because God has us taken care of. If I will sit and listen, He has already promised us healing. He has promised us a future and all He asks of me is to continue to praise Him and serve Him. If you look at Psalms, it was written by David when he was a shepherd, when his best friend was the son of the king, when the king was jealous of him, when he himself was king, when he made poor judgement with Bathsheba, hopefully you get the picture. David praised God in good fortune and turmoil. My man has cancer. We have been given a great prognosis. It stinks that my children have seen him be exhausted from doing nothing. It stinks that we all have to have the flu vaccination so that we don't bring any nasty bugs home with us. It really stinks that he's lost almost 30 pounds and that he can't eat any of the great foods that we've had brought to us. His salivary glands are in overdrive and he spits at least a gallon of saliva a day. He has to get up in the night to spit. When he coughs or clears his throat he has to control his gag or he'll start throwing up. He has already gone through a whole box of iodized salt and baking soda washing his mouth out trying to keep his mouth healthy. What is real torture is watching him look out the window and watching...watching kids, watching the wind blow, watching the sun shine because he can't be in the sun and he's so tired when he gets out there it's very brief. He comes back in to watch more football or more outdoor channel. And it irritates the fool out of me to see him this way and again there is NOTHING I can do to change it... After today's message it was an a-ha moment, God said to me exactly what John Pond said to say "it is because the LORD is my shepherd, that we don't need to want". God's so got this, He's got us covered. He has and continues to meet all of our needs and wants. The days that I can't seem to bring myself to be transparent before Him, the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf Here we are about to begin week 7. Radiation Monday thru Friday, Friday being Trevor's LAST day of radiation-can I get AMEN from some believers?! Tuesday will be his last chemotherapy for 4 weeks. Trevor will begin maintenance chemo after Thanksgiving 3 times for 12 weeks. God is Good! Thank you for continued prayers as we finish this race...

6 weeks-GONE!

Here we are at the end of week 6!!!! Think about the things that you can do in 6 weeks: Get pregnant AND confirm pregnancy. Lose 12 lbs healthily, this I have not done. Depending on if you are on 6/9 weeks, get a report card. This my babies have done and we are very pleased with the efforts of our babies in their academics. Eli has fought off laziness and has one, again. Neely has gone above and beyond her AR goal, and I'm tickled to death that one of my children enjoys reading. So at 6 weeks, my husband has endured chemo and radiation and done it without a complaint. I do enough whining, he doesn't have to. I have received several comments about keeping this blog. I do it to keep everyone up to date on what's going on. It would probably be beneficial if I wrote as things were happening instead of trying to catch up on a Friday night watching the Cards take game 5 to clinch the NLCS to go to the World Series, again. I'm easily distracted by the interview with Mike Matheny. I like to look at him, he is very easy on the eyes... Anyway, thank you for the encouraging words about my writing. I don't think my 12th grade English teacher reads this or she would have her red pen out writing me a stern letter about ending sentences with prepositions, or my run-on sentences. I think I give my English teacher friends a run for their money when they read this, it's probably like fingernails down a chalk board for them...I love ya'll and you know it! We've had a pretty good week. Trevor had a pretty good weekend and it helped that it was nice weather. He got to play outside with the kids. Trevor felt so good Wednesday, he and his nephew got the windows put into his shooting house. He is now ready to hunt! Tuesday he had chemo all day. I dropped him off at 7:30 a.m. and we didn't get home until 7 p.m. Wednesday was a good day. Thursday was an okay day and today was a blah kinda day again. That's pretty much how the past 6 weeks have gone and we only have 1 more week of good then blah, then cancer free good!

Okay for those of you that have read last night's post, it'll be alright.  Don't be self-medicating on the account of 1 post.  I felt I needed to be honest about MY feelings, not just what's been going on.  I'm not going to do anything dumb, intentionally anyway, because of this circumstance.

 I come from hardy stock!  My family, not my babies and my man, but momma, daddy, brothers and my sister, my grandparents (of which I only have a Daddy Carl left), aunts, uncles and cousins, we have all been through so much individually and as a family.  But in the scheme of things pain is pain and just because my immediate family is going through this cancer incident doesn't make your pain any less or mine any greater.  I believe it's all in how you handle it and the only way I know how to handle it is through prayer.  Now if you've heard me spout off at the mouth sometimes, you may doubt that and I ask that you forgive me for causing you to stumble in your relationship with our Lord.  My first instinct is to pray, whether it's praying for healing, peace, comfort or discernment.

But I'm a woman, a woman ruled a lot of times by emotions. I am a  woman that is not supernatural, there aren't any Halloween costumes out there looking like me with rubber or plastic faces of my likeness.  I struggle and last night I was getting over the hump of emotions.  I believe that God has prepared me for this moment in our family's.  I don't need any "bless your heart" or "you poor thing".  The only thing that anyone can do for me or for us is pray.  Pray for our strength.  Pray for Trevor's rapid, complete healing.
James 5:16  "The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."

I had started a new post and didn't finish it so I saved it, only now I can't find it so I'm starting over and have no idea what the other post was about...

So here we are, 11 more days of radiation and 2 more chemo treatments.  Trevor's platelets and white blood counts were higher than last week so he got both drugs.  Where as, last week his platelets were very low and only the Erbitux was administered because the Cysplatin is very hard on the kidneys.  With a low platelet and white blood cell count, the doctor didn't want to stress his kidneys anymore than they were already.  He also gained 2 pounds last week...woo-hoo!  This week he has maintained his weight with no loss or gain.

"They" said that weeks four and five were probably going to be the hardest to handle physically and emotionally.  So here WE are on the back side of week 5 and I have to say that this whole experience has been hard and I guess you could say I came to a head earlier this week, right in the middle of weeks of 4-5..."They" said that swallowing would be difficult, and that has happened, Trevor can swallow nothing at this point because of the thickening of the lining of his tongue, mouth and throat.  I looked the word up that the doctor used and it said that this occurrence was normal.  It is caused by the lining of his mouth and throat regenerating.  New lining growing underneath the old but hasn't started sloughing off yet.  He said that last week his tongue sloughed off...SOOOOoooooo....that said with the thickening of his lining he has an exaggerated gag reflex.  If he clears his throat, he gags; if he gags with food on his belly, well there ya go, he's thrown up.  To ensure the lining keeps sloughing, he rinses his mouth out A LOT with baking soda and salt water.  We should have bought stock in Arm & Hammer.

He says he isn't in a great deal of pain, especially compared to getting his tonsils out or even last week.  Over the weekend, he laid around more than what his body is used to and started getting leg cramps.  When his legs start cramping he's generally up all night trying to stretch it out.  When he's up stretching all night, he gets no sleep.  I believe in sleep, a firm believer! 

After chemo Tuesday when he got Adivan, which is a great anti-medic but it also knocks Trevor off his butt and he slept a good 2 and half hours, my attitude was sour and my hormones were raging.  I have felt helpless.  So many people want to help us out any way they can but what some don't understand is that I'm in that same boat.  I want to do anything I can to make this experience better.  To make his cancer go away, to ease his discomfort but there is NOTHING I can do.  He doesn't need me to do anything.  When I try to help him or try to anticipate his needs, I don't do it the way that he wants or he doesn't want/need me to do anything.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells and I couldn't figure out why.  I haven't been sleeping very well and neither has he so we've kinda been buggin'.  I'm trying to be honest and sensitive and I can't seem to do both.  I sometimes feel like he doesn't need me, at all.  If he doesn't need me to help him through this cancer thing, what does he need me for at all?!  Need and want are two different things.  I love this man so much it makes me angry when I can't make him happy at all during this entire process from tonsillectomy to 7 weeks of chemo/radiation.  I tried talking to him about it, but of course my hormones get in the way and I went off on a freakin' rant!

My husband has cancer.  He's fighting this disease physically and emotionally but his family is also fighting this disease.  It isn't attacking us physically but it's attacking our relationships and how we communicate, if we communicate with each other at all.  He has no physical voice left and says that he will tell me if he needs me to do anything...UMMmmm, no he won't!  I know this because from what some near and dear tell me, I'm kinda that way too.  I don't think I'm proud, well not on that level, but if I DON'T do it or make the effort to try to do it, it'll become an emotional battle that I may lose. 

The bottom line is I'm a whack.  I'm holding it together because of lots and lots of prayers, I mean LOTS of prayers!  My husband is doing better than what his doctors expected.  I think he's doing better than what "They" said he would do at this stage of the game.  He is very tired and often feels wiped out but again, "They" said this would happen.  The chemo/radiation is cumulative so it'll all add up in 11 days.  He may still be wiped out for a week or 3 when these treatments are over.  So over the next month I/we will need lots intercessional prayer.  I will have to make a deliberate effort to keep my hormones in my back pocket and keep my tongue in my mouth.  If it isn't edifying and uplifting for the ones that hear it, it doesn't need to be said...I believe our dear New Testament friend, James refers to keeping my tongue in check.  It is as sharp as a sword and has the ability to make or break a person and a relationship.  I guess that'll be my devotion tonight...

Thanks for your prayers, thanks for your encouraging words.  I ask that you do keep my family, especially my children and my man in your prayers.  We all have to have our flu shots.  The babies got theirs this week and Eli was sent home today with a fever...He and Neely have been sequestered upstairs.  Tomorrow Eli and I will have pajama day all day while Neely is at school taking her end of week tests.  Please pray that this flu vaccine hangover doesn't affect Neely and that Eli is now over his. 

I'm in such a tired stupor tonight I have no scripture only petitions for lots more prayers for my family...my next post, I will try to add some Harchfield Humor...love me some Harchfield's!

Petitioning you for more prayers to carry my family over the next 11 days-angi

Beginning Week 5...

Where to start...

Tuesday was Trevor's mid-treatment follow up appointment.  He did his radiation Tuesday morning, followed by having labs done.  We knew the results of those labs before he was scheduled to go to his check-up at 10:15.  His platelet count was really low as was his white blood count, which is to be expected at this stage of chemo/radiation treatments. His oncologist was admitted to JMCGH as a patient so Trevor had to see the nurse practitioner.  She wanted to hold off on all chemo drugs for the week...that dog will not hunt for shore!  Trevor asked her to please consult the oncologist making rounds for his doctor and he believed that it wouldn't hurt him to do the Erbitux drug, but hold off on the Cysplatin.  Cysplatin stresses the kidneys and he has to be hydrated before he starts this drug and has to get 2000 mg of fluid via IV while this drug is being administered to ensure hydration.  So he had hydrated all day Monday, thus up half the night going poddy and then doesn't get the drug.  He was kinda aggravated but we knew this could happen.  It was a short day, we were home by 4:30, just in time to get to Eli's soccer game...woo-hoo!

Wednesday, Trevor went to radiation and weighed.  He had lost 7 lbs the week before just trying to get feeding tube formula balanced and kept in.  So when we weighed this time, he had gained 2 lbs!  Packin on the Pounds BABY!  Although, when you see him you see weight loss not a whole 2 pounds gained but it's a gain...He finally has his feedings balanced and he's even taking in some Gatorade and water to stay hydrated.  His mouth and throat are very sore.  I try to keep him from having to use his voice and have told him if he needs anything just text me, I'm sitting right next of him for Pete's Sake! 

Some of you, I'm sure are wondering how is his hunting season going to go?!  Well he got his shooting house put up with the help of some great guys.  So when he does get to go hunting, he'll be protected from the elements.  He's even checked his cameras and he has a couple of BIG bucks that he hopes he'll feel strong enough to "take down".  After he get one or both of these big daddy's, he's going to need help getting them out of the field, I think I may start a lottery.  Maybe something like:  Register to win TIME with TREVOR!  Help him Harvest his BUCK!  Requirements:  Be accessible at the beep of a text message.  Be able to drive a 4-wheeler.  Be able to field dress this monster buck and drag it out and load it into Trevor's truck.  I'll have to let Trevor figure out how to choose a winner.  Whether it be by random FB posts or comments to this post or mass text message to "register" for said lottery...Of course, I'm joking.  I know no woman reading this is going to care a hill of beans about field dressing a deer, much less loading it.  And if there are men reading this and you are interested, I'll let you know when he goes hunting. 

So as we head into week 5, we're now on the back side of cancer treatment and GOD is good!  He has brought us through the first half.  Our family is stronger for living this together, although it has been tough we are stronger for it.  For the next 3 weeks, Trevor's treatments of chemotherapy will probably be nothing to exciting since he has the nausea licked.  Please pray that his platelet and white blood cell count stay at level that will allow him to endure both chemo drugs from here on out.  Pray this his body begin to heal itself, stronger than it was and cancer free.  The radiation right now is the hard part.  His mouth and throat are raw and he has been advised that they will get worse before they get better.  Again, pray for a quick but complete cancer free healing. 

Please keep our entire family in your prayers.  I ask specifically that you pray for our health so that we don't bring nasty germs home to Trevor that may complicate his healing.  My babies and I will have to get the flu vaccine to ensure we don't bring that bug home to him in the incoming flu season while his immune system is compromised.  I have NEVER had the flu vaccine, I'm from the old school of thought.  Why set myself up for something I've never had?!  Whereas Trevor gets the vaccine every year because he works in the hospital environment but he won't get it this year for the first time in a very long time, probably 10 years if not more. 

REMINDER:  Don't forget to go to www.racesonline.com to register to run or walk in the Run Hard, Fight Harder race on November 10 in Jackson.  Early registration, before October 12 guarantees a cool t-shirt.  Neely is even doing the 1 mile walk with me in her bright pink tennis shoes.  It's going to be a great time with lots of great people and even more laughs.  Better than a meet and greet at a high school reunion!

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers, for your cards of encouragement and even hysterical laughs.  We are loved and we are blessed and thankful to have you all praying for us even if it's only on a fleeting thought.  I pray that you are, in turn blessed by your prayers for us.  I know we wouldn't be able to endure this without God's mercy being asked for without your intercession of prayers, thank you.

Isaiah 55:11  "So will My word be, which goes forth from My mouth;  It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and not succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."